Madness

Part 33

"Well you know what? Fuck you, Austin. First, you fucking make my life a living hell then you win me over and make me fall in love with you then you leave and when I'm finally moving on you come back like nothing ever happened. After I forgive you, you go mess around with my best friend and you expect me to just shrug it off? Who do you think you are? Leave me alone you fucking cunt." "Whoa, whoa, whoa. First of all, I didn't 'mess around' with Olly. I wanted her to help me get you back. And second of all, I didn't force you to fall in love with me. That was all you. And you know exactly why I left. I told you already. So, no I'm not going to leave you alone. You can't do anything about it. You can't move remember?"

He's right but what he didn't know was that I had the bed remote in my hand. I pressed the one that called a nurse. "What was that? What was that noise?" "Oh, that? That was nothing. Just, my way of calling a nurse to my room." "You won't get away with this, bitch. I'm coming back for you. Just you wait. You're going to regret this." I heard the door open and close within seconds. He left. Finally. "Is everything ok?" "Miss, I can't see or move help me please!" "I'll go get a doctor right away!"  

Apparently he almost overdosed me and I nearly became paralyzed forever. It didn't take very long for the side effects to  Austin Mahone is a mad man. He's not alright in the head. In who's mind does that even come up as a good plan. He's an asshole. I hate him. I hate Austin Carter Mahone. I wish he could have just killed me. All he said was true. I have nothing to live for. I think I'll try suicide again. But, how?

I'll hang my self off the edge of my window. Tonight. At midnight. No one will notice me gone. There's no patient in the room below and you can't see my room from the floor above me. It's perfect. No, wait. What am I saying?  I can't. I can't just leave like this. I can't leave Harry like this. I'm stupid. I don't want to hurt him again. Fuck this. I hate life and Austin and everything that involves feelings. I hate myself more than anything.

Harry doesn't deserve me. I don't deserve him. He's too good for me. I'm too messed up for him. We don't deserve each other. He deserves better. I don't deserve anything.

"Michelle?" "Harry!" "Hi, I'm back. And I brought you something. Well, someone." From behind him he pulls out a small black kitten. "Oh, Harry! He's adorable! I thought he'd make you feel better." "He does already! What's it's name?" "It, is a he. And he, doesn't have a name yet. I was waiting to get him to you so that you could name him."

"Well lets see here. Bring him please! I wanna hold him!" "Here you go." "Harry his eyes are incredible! Kinda like yours. Except yours are mesmerizing!" "Is that a compliment?" "Yeah, I think so." "Okay, well thank you love!" "No problem, hazzy." "What shall be his name then?" "Something unique and short." "Zolt?" "Zolty?" "Zoltar."

"I think these don't suit him." "Yeah, not for him." "How about hype? You're my hype." "I don't even know what that means, Harry." "So basically, it means your motivation to do something. You're my hype, for living." "That's a perfect name! And, I love you. You're my hype as well."

"Little hype. Our hype." "Yes, love. Our hype." "He'll be like our child. Since, I don't want kids yet." "Okay, darling. What ever you say." He kisses my forehead and lays beside me in the hospital bed. I kind of really like this. All that's going on. The cat, the kiss, the laying peacefully together thing. I can get used to this. Like really.

These cold thin sheets underneath us have became somewhat like my home. I've been in hospital beds more than probably anyone. Harry's curls dangle over his beautiful features. He's like an angel. Literally. He's done more good than anyone I've ever met. And his voice, well let me just say that, it's more than amazing. 

I don't think I could have ever imagined this. Me out of all people be here with this, this most wonderful guy ever and living this half horrible and half amazing life. My mother died for christ sake and I have no clue of my father. I have this psycho after me and all while I'm still alive and with Harry and Olly by my side. When will the madness end? Will it ever end?