Coming back... I thought I was left behind? Did this happen for my happiness to come back? Or is that slice of hope gonna get eaten once more? According to my life so far, being naturally happy is not on the agenda. I rather feel pain than nothing at all... Great, now I have that song stuck in my head.
'Pain, without love. Pain, can't get enough pain. I like it rough, cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.'
Yep, its way better to know pain so when you are hurt again you can remind yourself it has been worse or when you feel this amount of hurt again then you can remember that you have conquered this before. But, that is not the case now. My past isn't easy to forget, and once one person is up to date, they never think of me as the same usually 'happy' friend that they knew. And now I am being drowned in my thoughts once more. Good thing we have lunch right after history. Maybe I can have a mental breakdown then, because now is time to learn about the past, not be haunted by your own. Now that statement makes it all a bit worse, nice going, Foxy. Now, GET BACK TO HIGHLIGHTING!
And then I realize that I have been staring at the piece of paper I was supposed to be righting notes on that was on my desk for about 7 minutes. Why did this horrible fate have to choose me? Hey, what time is it? I swiftly turned to look at the clock. YES!!!! One minute till the bell rings again! Wait, when did it ring the first time? FOXY THAT DOESN'T MATTER! YOU ARE ALMOST FREE FROM THIS SILENT ASYLUM THAT CONTAINS YOUR THOUGHTS!!!!!!! DINGDONG DINGDONG DINGDONG DINGDONG DINGDONG! Ah, the sweet sound of the bell! it is like your long lost cousin using their money to bail you out of jail! FOXY?!?!!! YOU ARE GOING CRAZY!!!!!! WHERE IN THE LAND OF NARNIA DID YOU THINK OF THAT?!!!! Whoops, my random side is escaping! it should have came out sooner so I could have at least been distracted with funny thoughts! oh well...
So lunchtime came and still I was struggling with good thoughts and bad thoughts. You know, it would be a great time to suddenly have halos on one shoulder and horns on the other because I am having a serious battle between myself here! And I have a feeling it will not leave me alone anytime soon...
School is over... Summer begins.....
As I expected, my mind was still tormenting me with the same thoughts. There is no use in trying to fight it.
Middle to almost end of Summer...
Same problems, no distractions... Well, maybe I could find something to distract me. Oh! How about Instagram! Yea, that should help! I hope...
*BurzTheBigBoar followed you*
As usual, whenever someone follows me, I check there account to see if they are interesting or followed me because they appreciate art like I do, but I checked and I found no reason to follow back.
*BurzTheBigBoar sent you a DM*
Ugh. Lets see what this is about.
Convo in DM
Do u follow back?-Burz
Only if its worth it...-Foxy
Can u follow me back? if not, I am fine with that but need more followers and will unfollow otherwise.-Burz
I don't mean to be rude but I don't take interest in your account. I will follow back but I have to go through and unfollow some accounts soon so I can have more followers than I am following so don't be surprised if I unfollow you. That is a clear warning.-Foxy
Got it. so, wanna just chat?-Burz
Not for too long, I have to distract myself and if I talk too long I will just get depressed and then you will wish you never wanted to chat, ok? That is a warning also-Foxy
I will keep that in mind... So, why do u get depressed?-Burz
I have problems with life. You have any problems?-Foxy
Yea, my girlfriend cheated on me again-Burz
Well I hope you can get past the hurt.-Foxy
Yea, well could u help me?-Burz
With?-Foxy
Maybe to forget about the pain for a while-Burz
Not right now, I have to go.-Foxy
Soon, my friend Ocelot started chatting with Burz. She knew about how I was struggling with the fact that Fox was coming back and thought that I should sort of online date Burz to take my mind off of things, I have had my experiences with online dating before on minecraft and they would always end up leaving and never returning to the server so I told her no. I was spending the night at her house and when I fell asleep, Ocelot grabbed my device and asked Burz if he liked me while she was on my account. He said he did and I told him that it was my friend who typed it while I was asleep but he continued to like me. He then started considering me his online girlfriend and I really didn't like that. Ocelot got me in this stupid mess... Thanks...
Long story short, my brother Tiger found out that Burz was an internet pedophile, and I told Ocelot that so she would stop chatting with him. I had stopped chatting with him for a few weeks because I really hated his guts for not leaving me alone.
But unfortunately, when my mom found out about this stupid fiasco, she deleted, restricted, and confiscated every device I had. The one way I had stayed partially sane for the beginning of the summer was because I watched IHasCupquakes Youtube videos, but now that I didn't have my devices, I went completely insane and hated this world. And I thought being abused as a child was bad enough. Now I have a bigger burden than before.
But this wouldn't have happened if my first and only crush hadn't have came back. The one male I had trusted after having to go to court so many times. Its sad to hear that I have been hurt by the ones I loved, but that is just how my life has been so far. So now you know everything that haunts me, I hope you understand the pain I go through night and day. This struggle is what I have lived with all my life, and it seems to want to stay.
___________________________
A/N So now you know my problems and past... and that my every dream is a nightmare, and every thought is torture. But, if I couldn't handle it, God wouldn't have put this fate on my shoulders. Until next time...
Love,
Minecraft_Foxy
YOU ARE READING
Forget My Soul, Or Believe My Weakness
Non-FictionThis is a story of my life. Going through love, school, and sorrow. Follow Foxy (aka me) on the adventure of her life written on the screen before you. But only time will tell what will happen. This is a true story, could end up being a love story...
