Shooting Stars

Chapter 6.2

How come he always seemed to appear out of nowhere?  I asked myself as I gazed at his handsome face. His black jacket was tied around his waist and underneath, he had the school's white, collared dress shirt. In the rays of sunlight that shone through the window, his dark beauty reminded me of the stars in the night. All alone in the jet-black sky and their glow sometimes overshadowed by others... 

"Done staring?" He asked, a small smile spreading over his lips. My mood dropped and I flushed, returning back to reality. 

The image was ruined. 

Trying to keep calm, I turned around, not wanting him to see my face and scribbled around for my belongings.

"Not until you had opened your mouth," I blurted out after I had finally collected my composure, "I feel bad for your parents. The beauty they gave you is wasted on a cocky, rude and arrogant brat." I heard his laughter ring through the classroom and his footsteps approach before he walked around the table to face me.

"You have a sharp mouth." He replied slowly, his grin widening. I stopped for a second, stunned at his brilliant smile, but then remembering who he was, I snapped away my gaze. 

"Thank you," I shot back. "Unfortunately, I can't say the same for you." My hands were practically trembling at this point as I pushed pens and pencils into my pencil case. 

He noticed. 

"A little bit too young for Parkinson's, don' cha think?" 

"They're just a bit cold, thank you very much." I snapped back, furious that I'd been seen. How embarrassing. I slammed the remaining pencils into my case and slammed that into my binder as he laughed softly. 

"Nervous, then?" His voice was soft, hands lifted up, in an innocent gesture, but his nose was tipped up to the sky as he strutted around the table and coupled along with a smirk spread across his face, you could tell what he was doing. And it was nowhere innocent.

I gritted my teeth and seethed in fury. This conceited, cocky, smug, haughty, 

"You know, 

self-confident, 

"you don't have to be shy about it,

arrogant,

"I have that effect on women."

bastard!

It seemed like my last shred of sanity had dissipated. Humiliated, angry, yet anxious at the same time, the world seemed to swim around me in a sea of red. 

But as I glared at him, struggling with something to say back, to release my fury, his face seemed to blend in with all my memories of everyone who I hated. I paled and my breaths came into small short gasps. 

Enough!  I wanted to scream. But I didn't. Instead, I bit my lip and the pain was like a shot, waking me up from the feelings that had blinded me.

Quickly, with a few deep breaths, I collected myself. If there was one thing I had learnt from being bullied at school, abused and neglected at home, and faced to endure mockery and giggles at every turn, was just to bear with it. Fighting back just made everything worse. Anger, sadness, despair, humiliation... All of them were only mere emotions. I didn't have to fight back, worsen my situation and circumstance, give them more opportunities to ridicule me for just signals in my brain. 

I softened, and my anger slowly dissipated as I dipped my head down in submission. 

There was no point.

I turned around and began walking in the direction of the door. But before I was two meters away, I felt a hand grip my shoulder, pulling me back.

"Hey!" He cried. I wobbled unsteadily but his hand pushed me down and I found balance again. Are you okay?" He asked. I lifted my face up and looked at him, opening my mouth to get him to let go. But it was unnecessary. Whatever he saw in my eyes made him release me, and he flinched slightly as if he had been burned. I dropped my head back down and continued walking forwards. 

It was when I was a foot out of the door when I heard him say quietly, but firmly, and with a touch of frustration in his tone. 

"You can't continue like this." He said. "Where's your pride? Your dignity?" 

But I was already out the door as his voice rose in volume with his last words and I continued walking forwards, my lower lip trembling as I wept silently.

My pride? Dignity?

I had lost that a long time ago.