That Means that.... JUSTIFIES the End

To even think of poor Dee... ouch, I'm Muslim, right?

Over the few days they had known each other, Zaynab had gotten to accept Fateemah as a very close and good friend, the latter visited her so often it sometimes bothered her, but, she still could not bring herself to feel upset by her, even Zleezy, as bad as he is, had seen her about twice and never said anything against their friendship, except for his once in a while advice to know what she's doing. She has not let her girls -you know them- know about her friendship with a Kimono head though, they would never let her hear the last of it.
Presently, they were in her room - Zaynab had paid Fateemah a return visit at her hostel once, and the way her roommate gawked at her made her know it was not a place for her likes -and had just finished eating beans and plantain, which they had prepared together, and so could not qualify as Zaynab's second cooking expedition. 'Uhm, sister Zaynab, would you be coming for 313 tutorial after Asr?'
'Oh, no, I've got an appointment' Zaynab had said with such hesitation Fateemah could not help smiling, the more she knew about Zaynab, the more she fell in love with her, she knew she yearned for the worship of her Lord, just needed a little help and loving encouragement.
She found the book, 'if I should speak' beneath a chair whilst looking for her pen that had dropped, and brought it out, dusting its cover lightly with her left hand as she said to  Zaynab,,, 'I didn't know you have this book o, sister Zaynab, had it been I knew, I would have borrowed it since'. Getting near to see what book had caught her fancy so much, she had been surprised herself to see the book in her hand, 'oh, I didn't know I still had that, thought one of my friends already took it years ago' Zaynab said as she took the seat beside Fateemah, who was now staring at her in incredulity.
'Have you read this book,ma?' Fateemah eventually managed to ask, and Zaynab had repiled her with the truth -she had read some parts of it, and Fateemah nodded slowly as if finding that hard to understand. 'I read it online years ago, and I've been looking for the hard copy for quite some time before I finally gave up on it, knowing that Allah's will be done: Fateemah was telling her, her gaze appearing very far away. 'I love it so much cos it taught me so many things about my Islam, and encouraged me to learn more about those things it mentioned as well as others it did not mention, about my religion' she continued and Zaynab was listening attentively. 'I had gotten the PDF of the book from one WhatsApp group like that, and me being the type that loves reading so much, I had began reading it and found it very interesting. The fact that it was a woman writing comparative in such a calm and socially objective way fascinated me even more. I love the way Aminah was so outspoken about her beliefs. Poor Dee was the poor me back then, only that Allah gave me the chance to repent and return to Him' Zaynab found it difficult to believe that this Kimono person was ever like that Dee -Dee? Oh, you don't know Dee- that Dee in the story, that beautiful model who won the peagant and her face and voice was all over town? That Dee... 'But, wait', she found herself asking, 'Dee didn't get the chance to return to Allah despite...' Fateemah had smiled wryly and shook her head, and Zaynab found in that gesture an almost suffocating effort to hold back tears. 'Just read it, Sis, it would be worth it, in shaa Allah, I assure you. You know,many of us just let ourselves be deceived by the glamour of this world, Allah guides whom He Wills and we all get our fair chances to return to Him before it gets too late' again, Zaynab knew that her mind had travelled down to some times of old, some many years back. 'I had been like you' the roughness of that voice startled Zaynab, and it took her some time to actually embrace the fact that the voice was still Fateemah's. 'Living in sin, wreckless and untamed, and I had been happy, I had felt like the world and all I could ever have wanted lied at my feet. My parent have been really busy, all they had to give me as their only child was money and materials, no parent time or bond or anything, they barely even know me at all. When I was raped at the tender age of 7, by my own paternal cousin, and had hated the whole world, including my parent, neither of them even observed anything, maybe they never even saw me. Bolu messed up my life, he had me when he wanted, and all I could ever do was cry and curse. When they signed me up for boarding school, I had been so grateful to get away from that devil, little did I know that much more awaited my little self, my sweet ruined self at 14' she  paused, tears in her eyes and her hurt obvious in those eyes, Zaynab could only murmur an apology, her own anger almost blinding her. 'It's fine, alhamdulillah... I survived it, and all I wanted was freedom, I needed to regain my self-esteem, and be sure that my body really was mine, and that was how... Until I came across this book, the year before I gained admission into this school, I believed I just had to rule and hold the key too, have them almost dying of longing and never having it fulfilled by me. Initially, it had been hard to even imagine letting go of myself, my dreams, I was so close to actualizing my dream of being a model and a singer, so close, and everything I had, but, when I got to the end of this book, I knew there was no escape route for me, once you know then you know, you either choose to do what's right or do what's wrong, and death was lurking unseen after all. I had forced myself to a Madrasah that very night I finished the book, I could not rest until I had something solid to hold on to, I just could not close my eyes. Clad in the longest gown I had as at then, which was even shorter than what you had on that morning, and without a head cover any longer than a notebook leaf, I braced myself to go. The Udhtaz was welcoming and all that, he had fixed a special time to teach me separately so I wouldn't feel intimidated in any of the organized classes and I could freely ask questions. Though, he's late now, Allah forgive his sins and grant him respite and grant us all good endings too, I cannot ever forget how much impact he had on my life, even when I felt like giving up cos it felt stupid of me to be only learning things I ought have been taught since I was a kid, he was always calling me back and explaining to me why I should be grateful to still have this chance' she paused to look at Zaynab who looked subdued and sorry, 'you know, I would always be grateful. That was how, at 22, I had ghusl for the first time and observed Subh Solah, after weeks of learning, when I had finally made my decision to be true to the Islam everyone believes I'm a part of, and to submit totally to the will of Allah to the best of my ability, as every Muslim should. And now, I can proudly, well not proudly, say that ever since then, I've never missed a Solah unless it's excusable, I mean, when I'm on my period' Zaynab was staring at her in awe, she sighed, 'I won't say it's easy, cos it's not, and every lasting good comes after a hard striving, but, if it is for Allah, then, it would definitely be worth it: all the no attachment, no boyfriend, no music and all, by Allah, we would eventually get to understand it's actually for our good even, and Allah would indeed ease our affairs' Zaynab was nodding now, she was overwhelmed, she could not even think, where was she supposed to start from? At 27? She was not going to say anything, that was her own story and she adored her faith and perseverance and everything, but... 'Dropping things off one by one could be extra difficult, because for me, if some had to go while some which are equally just as bad could stay, I would keep returning to them one by one, personally, so, I chose to leg off all the things I had learnt displeased my Lord, starting with the alcohol and indecent dressing, attaching hair and fixing nails, club going and all that. My parent did not observe when I started using head wraps, but, when I drew closer to my Lord and understood some things better, every single part of my body became so special to me that I had to immediately get s Khimar, a pair of socks and gloves. I had felt a bit of anxiety when I first put on the Khimar, I had felt so different and massive, and the way those guys who used to gawk at me looked away made me feel strange at it and unappreciated, but eventually, when I understood that was the main purpose of using hijab anyway; to not appear attractive to men to then drive them to lustful admiration and then zinnah; I was so grateful I was becoming one of the world's most prized asset, a woman whose body clamoured not for the attention of unworthy men, nor have them lust, but one whose person helped those men to obey the commands of their Lord, which is to lower their gazes and go not near zinnah, I became a person who guarded so jealously her nakedness and has increased Hayaa, I continue to appreciate the stance of Islam on modesty and decency, and I will stay proud of Islam, and show that pride in my entire person and personality, for every law and rule to make me distinct and invaluably important, despite having lived such a life I had in the past, ma shaa Allah. The day a brother had said the Tasleem to me as he passed by remains one of my greatest motivation; he did not know me, but seeing the hijab, he knew I was a Muslimah. Even up till this moment, hearing the tasleem and replying wherever I am remains a great pride of mine' she said and Zaynab envied her that flicker of pride in her eyes as she spoke, wishing she could narrate her own story with that feeling too someday. Fateemah smiled and rubbed her friend's left forearm in a tender gesture, 'It's gonna be all right, dear. All we need is the conviction and then determination, and Allah will keep lighting our paths and keep guiding us aright'. Zaynab had said, 'Amin' and then wondered where that came from, it could not be that she wanted to turn a Kimono -sorry, Khimar- wearer, no, she could not, who will marry her then, those... Fateemah seemed to have been reading her mind and she did not like that, 'sister Zaynab, friends could abandon us on our quest to serve our Creator, but in truth, they are only trying to teach us in the harsh way that only Allah could be relied on, and He would never desert us, so long as we remain steadfast on His path' she had told her and Zaynab had wondered if indeed she could live without her friends, and the answer had come just how she had expected it, 'no', they were the air she breathed, and what kept her in school. 'Even up till now, my parent still vicitimize me for adopting the Khimar, they believe it belongs to a particular sect or something, and have been ordering me to remove it. It saddens me so much, they never cared when I was running my life, and now that...' Her voice trailed off as she could not hold back the tears anymore, Zaynab moved closer to comfort her, but she sobbed only harder and Zaynab realized that she must have been keeping that in for so long, but having no one to unburden her mind to. Zaynab hugged her and assured her that all would be well.
'Could I confess something to you?' Zaynab had decided, she did not need to read that book to make her decision, she knew that if someone whose parent did not accept her practicing the Sunnah could be still so happy serving her Lord, then, how much more, she, whose entire family would be more than happy to see her dilligent in her submission to the Most High. She had to make some steps, even if not much or as drastic as Fateemah's, she knew she could start somewhere. 'You know the Lizfreedeezee group?' She asked and Fateemah nodded with a broad grin, telling her she already knew what she wanted to confess (after all it was no hidden sin). Ashamed, 'how did you know and not even tell me all this while?', she had asked. Fateemah thought she was upset and hurried to apologize, explaining she had recognized her from the very first time she had seen her in mosque, which was the major reason why she had chosen to befriend her, believing their stories were pretty similar and she would be glad if she could be a source of encouragement, however minute, to her in the course of her becoming a better Muslimah. Zaynab had sank onto the sofa, and then, so many things were running through her mind at the same time.
'If it's that hard already to leave the group, I could...'
'Let me think, please' Zaynab has snapped at her, though she had not meant to. Fateemah had apologized, dropped her (Zaynab's) book on the table, picked her bag and made for the door.
'Don't go, please' Zaynab sounded belaboured, and Fateemah's heart aches to see her that way, but, she knew it was a reality a person had to accept and live with -or reject- at some point in their lives. She knew what Zaynab was thinking -or at least, believed she knew- because she had been there too, but right now, Zaynab had to make her own decisions, and Fateemah sincerely prayed whatever she decided, it would be the best.
'Uhm, you know I've never even attended any lecture, till that day you kinda forced me to go with you?' Zaynab finally spoke and Fateemah nodded, she already saw that coming.
'And you still think I should... I could...' She did not want to say 'be a better Muslim' because that was not a question, even though it was, and at the moment, a very pressing one. 'Honestly, sister Zaynab, once the news of the truth reaches you, then it has become binding upon you to follow it, however difficult it appears to us. Once you make your decision, sister Zaynab, all you have to do is concentrate and keep our faith strong in Allah... plus, the little I've seen of you, I know you have a very sharp brain, ma shaa Allah, we will get by'.
'Are you kidding me? It's barely a month to exams, Fateemah' Zaynab answered in exasperation, but then, her mind was focused on Zleezy, what would happen to her new found hard-to-believe serious relationship? She knew her Zleezy would not even grace her with a second glance before calling off the relationship, the very relationship she had trusted would be her last, because she knew he would never have anything to do with an anti-fashion and anti-social Kimono head -not like she was crazy enough to start thinking she'd start using that kinda thing Fateemah wears all about- she knew Fateemah had said something about her helping her and them finding enough help to stay on a strong footing. As she looked at Fateemah's bright hopeful eyes, Zaynab could tell she was willing to help her return successfully to her Creator, but, she doubted she could do it, doubted she could live without all those things that have become the major parts of her life but were against her religion, she doubted if she had anything left worth covering after practically everyone on campus -and many more out of it- have had more than their fair share of the free lustful tempting of her body, and above all, she doubted if Allah would really fogive and embrace her after disobeying her parent's command to be submissive to this same Lord over and again for the past many years she had lived. 'God...' She sobbed and only then did Fateemah realize she had been crying silently, she moved closer to her, pulled her into a  tight hug and comforted her in the best of her ability, she believed strongly that whatever one does for the sake of Allah would always end well.
Zaynab had decided to embrace the truth in whole, afraid of the unplanned terminator of lives, and trusting Allah for an happy end -at least now she appreciated her parent's concern and was grateful she could finally make them happy- Before the Adhan for Zhur Solah was made that day, Zaynab had removed the attachment she fixed on her head -and decided to never add any attachment to her hair again- removed the nails she fixed, and had Ghusl (purification bath in Islam), and was sitting with Fateemah with whom she was waiting for Adhan, Zaynab felt like it was all a dream. Fateemah had helped plait her hair in a simple style after she loosened the fake one, and so she felt so strange she kept seeking excuses to go check herself in the mirror. Fateemah was telling her about the tradition of the Prophet which said that the prayer of a Muslim woman was most rewarding if done within the four walls of her home (or room) when the Adhan started and she stopped. Zaynab observed that she murmured some things after the Mu'adhdhin paused on each lines but she waited till after the call ended to ask her questions, encouraged by Fateemah's smiles which informed her that she could talk now.
'Why did you stop talking earlier?' Zaynab had asked.
Fateemah said, 'The reports don't particularly mention to keep quiet, but we are to listen to the Mu'adhdhin and repeat whatever he says according to some reported Hadiths, except for the lines...' Fateemah explained the exclusions too, Zaynab was nodding, 'uhm, so that's what you were saying then right?' And she asked again. Zaynab rose after that, dressed in a new ankle-length flowery gown and a head wrap, expecting her friend to get up so they would hurry to the mosque. 'We're praying here' Fateemah had said with a smile, making her look around and then ask pointedly, 'here??' Fateemah nodded and got on her feet too, 'na'am, my dear, here. Because the Prophet said it's better for us'. Of course Zaynab remembered that narration she was telling her about before the Adhan, but still, she felt very unsure about praying anywhere in the house, it reeked of so much dirt and sins as far as she was concerned, and she doubted Allah will accept any prayer offered in such a place as this house of hers. 'Where do I perform ablution?' Fateemah had asked her. 'Uhm, the tap', well, she did not even own a kettle for ablution or anything, she really was such a handful. Fateemah had only laughed at her thoughts and said she preferred to perform her ablution directly from the tap anyway, and they had both gone into her bathroom and performed Wudhu -because she was not sure her ablution from the Ghusl had not been vitiated already.
The feeling she got from standing beside Fateemah for Solah -actual worship of Allah by her very own choice- was just so good it was indescribable.... She was grateful, and nervous all the same.... What sort of life was she signing up for by doing this??? 'Allahu Akbar' hearing that from Fateemah had set her mind right as she raised her hand for the Takbir too, contented that she was definitely getting something right now....
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*N.B*:
Surah Al-Maeda, Verse 100:
قُل لَّا يَسْتَوِي الْخَبِيثُ وَالطَّيِّبُ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَكَ كَثْرَةُ الْخَبِيثِ فَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ يَا أُولِي الْأَلْبَابِ لَعَلَّكُمْ تُفْلِحُونَ
Say: The bad and the good are not equal, though the abundance of the bad may please you; so be careful of (your duty to) Allah, O men of understanding, that you may be successful.
(English - Shakir)
Surah Al-Maeda, Verse 105:
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا عَلَيْكُمْ أَنفُسَكُمْ لَا يَضُرُّكُم مَّن ضَلَّ إِذَا اهْتَدَيْتُمْ إِلَى اللَّهِ مَرْجِعُكُمْ جَمِيعًا فَيُنَبِّئُكُم بِمَا كُنتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ
O you who believe! take care of your souls; he who errs cannot hurt you when you are on the right way; to Allah is your return, of all (of you), so He will inform you of what you did.
(English - Shakir)
Surah Al-Araf, Verse 3:
اتَّبِعُوا مَا أُنزِلَ إِلَيْكُم مِّن رَّبِّكُمْ وَلَا تَتَّبِعُوا مِن دُونِهِ أَوْلِيَاءَ قَلِيلًا مَّا تَذَكَّرُونَ
Follow what has been revealed to you from your Lord and do not follow guardians besides Him, how little do you mind.
(English - Shakir)
Surah Yunus, Verse 25:
وَاللَّهُ يَدْعُو إِلَىٰ دَارِ السَّلَامِ وَيَهْدِي مَن يَشَاءُ إِلَىٰ صِرَاطٍ مُّسْتَقِيمٍ
And Allah invites to the abode of peace and guides whom He pleases into the right path.
(English - Shakir)
Surah An-Noor, Verse 51:
إِنَّمَا كَانَ قَوْلَ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ إِذَا دُعُوا إِلَى اللَّهِ وَرَسُولِهِ لِيَحْكُمَ بَيْنَهُمْ أَن يَقُولُوا سَمِعْنَا وَأَطَعْنَا وَأُولَٰئِكَ هُمُ الْمُفْلِحُونَ
The response of the believers, when they are invited to Allah and His Apostle that he may judge between them, is only to say: We hear and we obey; and these it is that are the successful.
(English - Shakir)
Surah Ar-Room, Verse 43:
فَأَقِمْ وَجْهَكَ لِلدِّينِ الْقَيِّمِ مِن قَبْلِ أَن يَأْتِيَ يَوْمٌ لَّا مَرَدَّ لَهُ مِنَ اللَّهِ يَوْمَئِذٍ يَصَّدَّعُونَ
Then turn thy face straight to the right religion before there come from Allah the day which cannot be averted; on that day they shall become separated.
(English - Shakir)
Surah Ar-Room, Verse 60:
فَاصْبِرْ إِنَّ وَعْدَ اللَّهِ حَقٌّ وَلَا يَسْتَخِفَّنَّكَ الَّذِينَ لَا يُوقِنُونَ
Therefore be patient; surely the promise of Allah is true and let not those who have no certainty hold you in light estimation.
(English - Shakir)
Surah Luqman, Verse 17:
يَا بُنَيَّ أَقِمِ الصَّلَاةَ وَأْمُرْ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَانْهَ عَنِ الْمُنكَرِ وَاصْبِرْ عَلَىٰ مَا أَصَابَكَ إِنَّ ذَٰلِكَ مِنْ عَزْمِ الْأُمُورِ
O my son! keep up prayer and enjoin the good and forbid the evil, and bear patiently that which befalls you; surely these acts require courage;
(English - Shakir)
via iQuran

This chapter has a lot of real life experiences, of people I've been really close with and to... Its never too late to retrace your steps, a lot of us "changed",  there are indeed people who were born into the true worship of Allah, but,  that doesn't give us any less chance, the love of Allah is for all of us equally.... By Allah, making up your mind to ammend your ways is all that is needed...
Don't mind me, been wanting to share this piece so much... How do you like Zaynab's change of heart? Or should I say, her likely change of heart?