That Means that.... JUSTIFIES the End

We are Happy family... believe me.. 💕

Zaynab was going for a tutorial class in her flowing Khimar when Freezy accosted her, 'hey hey, look who we have here' the latter had said, clapping her hands in derisive mockery.
'Assalamualaykum, Fareedah' Zaynab had greeted with a cheerful smile, to get an uptight sneer from the other lady, who appeared to find it hard to believe her eyes -much less her ears!
'Do you have something to say, I'm running late for a class, please' Zaynab had barely managed to keep her voice level and tone civil, she could not wait to get into that class.
'Well, sure, let's see how long this drama lasts... Cos I'm not enjoying this terrible joke of yours one bit, Zee, better just cut the drama...' Freezy had said as she marched away in fury without as much as a chance for her to get a word in.
Zaynab smiled and prayed Allah opened their own eyes to His path as well, and continued on her way to join Fateemah who was already waiting for her.
Freezy has returned to the two others to narrate her experience. Ever since four days ago when Zaynab had informed them she was officially no longer a part of the group and wanted to return to serving her God the way He should be served, and which was the purpose for which she was created, they had all felt as people in a daze and expected her to be back in her senses, waiting and hoping day after day. 'I think we should leave her alone already' Deejah had said as Liz pulled out of the parking space.
Zleezy had been puzzled when he got the news, and had been more dazed to hear Zaynab tell him over a phone call that she was calling off the relationship. The days that followed it had been filled with weird guesses and thoughts, but, Liz had assured him that all was well under control and his Zee would be back in no time. But then, as he dropped the phone after listening to Liz advising him to let Zee go, he felt like his world was coming down on him in flames and he was distraught for a means of support, anything at all, but he found none. He decided he had to fly down to Ilorin right then and confront this whole drama, he knew the Zee he loved had lived him very passionately too, so, something had got to be wrong, and whatever that wrong was, he was going to set right immediately. His mind made up, he put a call through to his PA and ordered him to book an emergency flight to his place of visit immediately, and get his driver ready with his car at the airport, from where he will drive to his destination personally.
It was a hot Wednesday afternoon as Zleezy patiently awaited Zee's arrival beside the door, like he had been few weeks ago, his brain and entire focus on what to say to convince her to return to her senses. Raising his head as he heard footsteps advancing, it did not miss his gaze that those feet were covered in some sort of black clothing -socks? He wasn't so sure and he did not have that much space to think about it- and looking further upwards, he practically froze as he saw Zee's cleanly scrubbed face behind that, what do they call if? It was even dragging on the floor after her and at that moment, his stomach clenched and his knuckles tightened in recoiling disgust. This was what Zee wanted to reduce herself to?? He could not believe it -and he would not believe it!
That figure by her door looked awfully familiar, but that man she knew had no business being in Ilorin, and especially not there -by her door, before her home- not with... She gasped and stood rooted to a spot, she had been wrong, it was really him and God, he was looking at her, and she felt like she was walking on embers instead of cool tiles as she advanced towards him with head lowered, praying to Allah to see her through -still very much aware of his gaze still burning all over and through her body.
'Uhm, to what do I owe the visit, sir?' She dared to say when he chose to not bless her with his own words.
'Zee' he sounded so unsure, 'Zaynab' she corrected gently with a smile, he rubbed the back of his neck in his nervousness: and barely weeks ago, that one act would have sent her flying on Cloud 9 -yes, weeks ago- when it would have meant the whole world that a man of his position and affluence and  wealth would be so genuinely nervous because -and in front- of her, but yes, that was so THEN! She swallowed and tried to remain calm, hoping the conversation would not drag on too long. 'Is this the reason?' She could almost not believe her ears, but she would not  pretend to not understand him, the earlier they both got this over and behind them, the better; she knew he was trying to downplay the whole thing, something she had done times innumerable, but now, she had to help him accept the truth too, 'Zleezy, I'm sorry....'he just could not bear it, he placed his hands on her shoulders, but she shrunk at his touch and said something with a shriek, he almost could not believe his eyes and ears, yet he released her shoulders immediately and apologized, he knew the last thing he should do then was make her uncomfortable, even in the least. 'Baby, let's reason this thing together and out, I'm sure we can work out something, it doesn't have to just end like this. I've got no problem with you dressed that way or anything, Zee,  I, okay, sorry, Zaynab, I...' She could see his frantic efforts to convince her, but, she had made up her mind to do away with anything that could further stain her undignified person before her Lord, and last she heard, keeping a boyfriend was not even encouraged, not unless they were getting married almost immediately, and that was, she knew, was not a life cut out for Zleezy, who, at 33, still had no plans of settling down. Looking at him now hurt her so much, she could still not forgive herself for having taken her dignity so lightly and she....
'Whatever the hell happened, Zee? You're not this back in the days religious freak, babe, you always pitied those unlucky ladies who were oppressed like this, you used to...' His abrupt change of tone brought her thoughts to a sharp halt, and the allegations brought tears to her face as she screamed at him to stop, he was inflicting so much pain on her already bleeding heart. 'Ya Salaam' she begged for His mercies and forgiveness.
'I did not know the truth then, Zleezy, I just thought I did. If the Qur'an still remains the same and we're expected to observe Solah the very same way it was done during the time of the Prophet, then there's nothing like days-of-old, or back in the days, we're supposed to be proud of the Sunnah and uphold Islam to the best of our abilities. That was why the Qur'an was compiled into a book and we have records of Hadith, so that we can know how my Prophet worshiped Allah and the various aspects of our lives as Islam stipulates it, that is why the Islam that was is the Islam that still is and will always continue to be.... Did I use to think sleeping around and gallivanting the town practically naked was liberty? Zleezy, I couldn't have been more wrong! You should see the pure respect I command now, you should feel the pride I feel as a Muslimah, the tranquility and submission of bowing to my Lord, you should feel the peace and self-contentment of keeping our hopes in Allah and dreams of Jannah, you.....' Zaynab was saying amidst tears, she wished she could make Zleezy see what she now saw and feel what she felt, calm and confident that what people thought of her looks was not all that mattered, the pride of being a gift of Allah so worthy of being covered even after everything she had done, the limitless forgiveness of her Lord who welcomed her warmly.... 'Let's get married' the words sounded strange and absurd to her, she knew Zleezy was desperate, but to offer to marry her? Nobody had to tell her that that was just way above the mark; she stared at him, waiting for him to correct his mistake, but instead, he had said, 'baby, I love you' and that line only did more to confuse her. Eventually, she said 'Zleezy...'he chuckled and and said 'maybe I should start going by Zubair, that's the name, babe' she had been awed, she never even knew he was Muslim -well, not like there was anything really telling that she was one either, before now- but she handled her surprise well and said, 'Zubair, marriage is not such a joke, is it?' He had nodded with all seriousness and Zaynab could not even get her thinking straight, now that she needed it so much -not like she even imagined she would marry this Zleezy, this one?? Oh, it's always just a no-no- Okay, there they were; he was a good guy and very open to change plus they loved each other so much...but, he was Zleezy, and that name told more than enough tales.
Zaynab exhaled and said 'look, I'm sorry, but....' The pain in his eyes cut through the deepest part of her soul, but, she knew she had to do this, one of them had to keep her head straight and think past this crazy love of the moment -and after all, she had been the one to cause it all to start, ugh....
'Okay, here's what, I tell you this...' An idea had struck and he was going to give even his right arm -maybe not practically though- to make it work, and he was grateful she was listening. 'I was actually very flustered by you from the very first time I saw you, and now even more by this sudden change, but... Seriously, I don't understand why I'd love you so much, not like I've ever been so interested in a woman all my life. Zee, let's have you answer that, please' she nodded and he continued, 'I am floored somewhat by all these things you say you've experienced in this, uhm, change, and maybe it's this love, but, I know that I'm much willing to try the novelty, too, I'll be making efforts towards, uhm, being a, uhm, better Muslim, or rather, being a Muslim at all and in all, and uhm, we'll see how it goes, uh?' Zaynab could never have been happier,  promise -or kinda, she giggled inside- out from Zleezy, to learn about Islam in the true sense of the word, and try becoming a practising slave of Allah was practically too good to be true, he felt like hugging him tight and never letting go -yeah yeah, old habits die hard as they say- but she restricted herself and when she realized she had been staring up at him with so much love in her eyes, she quickly averted her gaze, feeling embarrassed.
'Zee, what do you say?' He asked, reminding her that he had actually stopped on a question earlier, she swallowed and said, 'well, I'd be more than happy if indeed your serious and intend to follow through with those words, and as well, learn solely for the sake of Allah and for your soul, not a worldy attachment like a woman or something' hoping it did not reveal so much of her misplaced excitement.
'Uhm, is there something about looking at each other or something?' His question had caught her unawares, 'uhm?' She asked, looking at him, before quickly lowering her gaze again..
"Uhm, well, yeah, Allah commands the believers to lower our gazes at unlawful things' She managed to put to words, but his silence forced her to look up at him and ask, 'what?' when she found him grinning, he had shrugged, 'nothing really, just, what does unlawful things and all that mean?' he asked and Zaynab thought of how best to reply him, 'uhm, opposite sex generally, aside your family and, uhm...' Zleezy could see how uncomfortable she felt talking to him, mentally noting the fact that she has intentionally not tried to invite him in, he assumed that was part of the new rules she subjected to -or what had she called it, oh, it sucks, he could not remember- so, he told her he would make his findings and get back to her. Zaynab doubted if she would actually be answering his calls, but she nodded nonetheless, she would have to talk to Fateemah as soon as possible, in shaa Allah.
'Uhm, could we shake or something, just goodbye' Zleezy had asked for clarification, and Zaynab had smiled as she shook her head in the negative, 'uhm, sorta not gonna be very easy' he had only voiced his personal thoughts and Zaynab had smiled again; he noted she was becoming more and more smiles, throughout the length of this visit -or whatever this out of the door conversation can be called- of his, and he was most grateful it had not upsetted her at all. 'So, uhm, could I ask, does everyone pick up the, uhm, this stuff once they think they realize they have been living wrong all these while? I mean.....' That had not come out right as he had planned, but at least, she got his message and was not upset, so again, he was grateful.
'Everyone's live just go as Allah has planned it, and once a person realized that true freedom is the freedom from one's Nafs, then, I see not why a person wouldn't show her convictions to the world  by proudly adorning her gift of nature with the covering that protects her the most, the Hijab, and, wearing it right' The joy and pride with which she spoke of her convictions and belief did not miss him one bit, and he hoped to learn about this overwhelming 'truth' and confidence too, even though he could not imagine a life without his drinks and fun. 'If nothing else, I strongly hold on to the fact that my Rosuul already said that the life of this world would be like a prison to the believers, and definitely, nothing in this world is worth going to hell for, so' as she said that with such calmness, Zleezy wondered if truly there was anything he was doing presently that could make him go to hell, and the answer, he had laughed at, he knew that all that mattered was his being a Muslim, but Muslim in what sense actually? He asked himself as he watched the Zee before him, with her head lowered in humility -and perhaps shyness? Hahhahahahaha, that word was not in anyway conforming with the lady Zee he know- and her body concealed with those -what did she call those clothes? Damn!- and his mind made a quick calculation as to how many men she must have passed and how many of them would not have graced her body with as much as a single lustful glance, despite the fact that she used to.... Yes, used to, he reprimanded himself harshly, asking himself what he had corrected in his own gruesome life to be assessing another. 'Uh' he sighed and Zaynab asked him quietly what was wrong, he had answered nothing immediately, wondering -with no conscious attempt of his- where the slutty outspoken Zee of his had gone to, maybe this Hijab -that was it, that's what she had called it, yes!- lady was keeping her buried somewhere deep and he could free his lovely chick by -by what? His senses snapped straight, looking the lady over once more, he announced his readiness to leave, Zaynab had only smiled and said 'okay, sir. Allah keep us safe' and he had stared hard at her lowered head, barely managing to stop himself from shaking the senses back into her, 'okay!' he scowled and headed for his car, swearing under his breath that he would definitely find out what the hell changed his Zee so much in such little time, he just must know. Just then, he remembered Fateemah, 'geez! Why didn't I think of that Muslim lady since....' Uhm, he scoffed at the mention of her name by his returning mind, and assured himself she would have enough to account for; in regards to the sudden change in his girlfriend.
Zaynab watched him from the corner of her eyes until she could see his car no more, she said 'alhamdulillah' in relief and moved to unlock her door, she said her adhkar and pulled off her shoes as she got in, stressed and all.
She made sure to lock her door before heading for her bedroom, from where she heard the Adhan, bringing to memory that first morning it had pissed her off so much to hear the call to the worship of her own Lord, making her heart overflow with gratitude and love of the Most High, as she now repeated the words after the Mu'adhdhin as Fateemah had taught her, after which she said the adhkar she was to say. Feeling dignified in her spirit, even though she was on her period and could not observe Solah, she sat at her reading table and started reading the book -again- which had been a major eye opener for her good friend, Fateemah.
Zaynab gave her best to preparing for her exams, ready to accept whatever the outcome was for her late realization, she knew that as long as she could boldly say that she had tried her best and relied on her Lord, she was going to be grateful in the end. Sometimes, whilst reading, she wondered about the so many tests and assignments she had missed already, but, in the end, she would sigh and seek the refuge of her Lord against Shaitan, the accursed, whom she knew was whispering those doubts in her changed mind now, which meant that examination malpractice of any form should and must be shunned.
'Hi' she looked up at the cheerful face of the person that just greeted them -she was revising some of her notes with Fateemah- and they replied the casual greeting: it was a lady dressed in a knee-length brown top over black pencil trousers, and the two friends waited a while to confirm the reason for her approach, she did not seem like someone who just wanted a seat after all. 'Well' the lady sounded pretty confident as she sat on the desk before theirs, 'I'm a final year student of your department, kinda fancy your doggedness, Zee, so I thought I could offer my help, however little and in whatever way I can', the lady said with a friendly, but firm, voice, looking at them as they exchanged a short questioning glance, wondering what that was all about. 'Pardon my manners, my fair ladies, I'm Hikmah by name, Hikmah Abdullah', 'oh' the two ladies exclaimed, the lady smiled and extended a hand which the two friends shook in turn as they introduced themselves. 'Well, I must say I'm pretty surprised at your unreserved offer of assistance, and I very much appreciate it, but...' Zaynab was saying before Fateemah stopped her with a look, 'actually, sister, we'd be more than glad to accept your help, we deeply appreciate it, ma'am' Fateemah had finished for her. Hikmah smiled and looked to Zaynab, probably for any objection, Zaynab smiled and nodded, 'whatever she's fine with'. And that was it, hikmah asked them for any specific courses or topics they had any issues with, Fateemah listed a few and Hikmah set to explaining in details immediately, starting with one they all considered least complex, with Hikmah sitting between the both of them.
The rest of the two weeks till exams went with them being slaves to rigorous studies, they left practically no stone untouched, and three days to their -Zaynab's and Fateemah's- first paper, they had bought Hikmah a gift, to appreciate her selfless sacrifice towards helping them to achieve the very best results. Hikmah had only accepted the gift after much persuasion, and then she had informed them that there was something neither of them knew yet about how she had found them on that first day she approached them, only to promise to tell them the whole truth only after they all cleared their papers for the semester....
Thrilled by the prospect of surprises, Zaynab promised herself she would do well, she needs not bother about Fateemah, she had been the scholar for their level of the department since their first year, with her straight As. There have been times Zaynab could not help envying Fateemah's luck, but she knew she had only not been using her own brain too, and now that she would be using it to the maximum, she would be sure to do well, very well, she convinced herself.
Examinations have come and gone, and Fateemah had just called to inform Zaynab -who chose to remain in her hostel and continue with Madrasah, for she still could not forgive herself for her past actions towards her own parent who were just trying to let her see the light, and hence, could not bring herself to face them. She knew they could have called or visited, for Zayd already knew she was still staying in the same hostel, against her former decision to move, and was almost sure he would have informed them already, and for whatever reason, it hurt her that neither of them did, though her lovely kid brother did call every now and then and delivers their greetings- that they were all now on the portal, she was glad to hear that Fateemah had her straight As but had to get a B with 68marks in a minor course, RIS301, and now she sighed as she prayed to Allah for the strength to bear whatever awaited her. Trusting in her Lord she had gotten online to check the results on her portal, 'subhanallah' was all she could gasp as she saw it and immediately went on sujud, she had done Sujudush-shukr in gratitude to Allah, nothing she could do would ever be enough to express her joy and happiness.
'Assalamualaykum, girlfriend' she had said as soon as Fateemah answered the phone. The joy was so evident in her voice that Fateemah needed not ask how it had been, she answered the Tasleem with equal joy and pleasantness, waiting for Zaynab to fill her in. 'Well, I have to resit for CED 313, cos of the test anyway, cos I had 43 in the exams. Alhamdulillah, sweetheart, got 6 As and 4 Bs' Zaynab could not contain her joy and knew she was practically squealing into the phone speaker, but who cares?
'Ma shaa Allah' was all Fateemah could say, words seem too feeble to speak her mind. 'May Allah make that resit and the rest of what we'll be doing easy and most beneficial, in shaa Allah. Barakallahu fiik, sweetheart' Zaynab had screamed her 'aameen' with so much faith and enthusiasm and they hung up, Fateemah did Sujudush-shukr at her end too.
'Assalamualaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh' Zaynab heard as she dropped the phone on the stool, there was no mistaking that voice as she dashed to the sitting room, adjusting the Khimar she had on, she knew the day could not have been any better. 'Wa alaykumus salam warahmatullahi wabarakatuh' she said with great enthusiasm as she turned the key in the lock then pulled the door towards herself to welcome her August visitor. 'Subhanallah' escaped from her throat as well as that of the woman at the other side of the door at the same time...just a few minutes ago, she was thinking about her parent not visiting and all that, and here they were with his wonderfully handsome Zayd, standing at the opposite side of her door.
'Ya Salaam, is this a dream?' She was asking herself, thinking that everything that had been happening since she opened her eyes that morning was just too good to be true, or could it be really happening? Could all of her world... 'Are we going to keep standing here for the rest of the day?' That was her soft-spoken father, that loving gift of Allah with a kindled heart. She wanted to run into his embrace and wet his shoulders with her tears of repentance, and ask His forgiveness for being so bad against her own soul, but, she could not move a muscle of her body, not even her tongue! She just stared at her family -her home that would never reject her- standing right before her two eyes, her mother's face already flooded, making her realize that hers were not any dryer either after all. Zayd had sighed -or at least she thought she heard him sigh- and moved forward to take the door from her and open it wider to welcome their parent, while she moved till her back touched the wall  and could only watch as her parent sat beside each other in the farthest 2 seater sofa. Zayd pinched her nose and grinned down at her -of course, her younger brother stood much taller than she ever could- and pulled her to a chair with him, she could not have appreciated that gesture more.
Her father had began with the Sunnah saying 'AlhamduliLLah, suma as salatu Was Salaamu a'la l Mustapha Wa a'la Aalihi Wa sahbihi, wa man iitabaha hudaahu ila yaomi d deen; Wa ba'd, Assalamualaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh' meaning 'All praises are to Allah, thereafter, we beseech the blessing and mercy of Allah upon the Messenger of Allah, his household, companions and whoever follows his guidance till the day of Judgement' thereafter, peace and mercy and blessings of Allah be upon you... Aameen......', and then confessed that henwas most pleased with the condition he had met his lovely -oh yes, he had called her lovely and she could not have blushed more- daughter, considering the fact that they had all coime on that day to make her realize that whatever the case, her family was still her family and that they would welcome her with open arms regardless of her condition and choice of lifestyle, though, of course they would not stop praying to Allah for her right guidance and advising her on the dangers of her wrong ways. Zaynab had been overwhelmed as she listened, watching her mother weep -in joy? Sincerely, she hoped she was right- and just say 'alhamdulillah, I'm so happy for you and proud of you, dear Zeezee' when her father concluded with this. Zayd was too happy to say anything, he had been more than just flabbergasted to see her very own Zaynab dressed in a full Khimar, standing at the other side of the entrance, looking much more adorable than he remembered ever seeing her, he was indeed grateful to Allah for answering his -their- prayers over her.
Zaynab had cried when she started to talk, thanking her family for loving her so much and apologizing for being such a disgraceful and disobedient daughter, sinning against everyone as well as her own soul, then finally she thanked Allah for guiding her to His path, and promised to remain steadfast upon the Deen, in shaa Allah.
They had all cried, Zayd especially, for he understood how difficult the decision must have been on his sister; he had found out -late- that the Zee everyone knew was actually his own Zaynab, and that she had left the group and become a Muslim sister, with the hijab and all, and everyone on campus knew that was probably going to be her end on campus, for, if the group she abandoned did not even bother about ensuring her failure, she was sure to fail most of her courses -if not all- as they never attended lectures or anything, the written tests she had missed topped the deplorable list. Zayd had been broken to eventually confirm the person of that Zee, he could not even call her to ask about anything the whole month, and when Allah strengthened him to be able to speak with her, he could not ask how her exams had been, but, he knew that come what may, he would always support and cherish his sister, and only hoped their parent would not have to know.
'Come home, darling, come home with us' her mother had pleaded, and the look on her father's face had told her he agreed with her mother, however, she was just not ready yet, she had her Madrasah on-going. 'I'm really sorry, dad, mom, but, just not yet. I've got to be here for my Madrasah especially, but, I promise, I'd be home for a weekend before school finally opens for second semester, in shaa Allah' she had said in a sincerely apologetic tone, and had been most grateful that they all took it in good faith.
When Zayd went with their dad to the Masjid for Dhur Solah, her mother had wept again when she left to perform ablution before her and had hugged her for a good long while when she returned, praising Allah for His love and mercies, and then they had observed the Solah together after performing 4 rak'ah nawafil separately. Her mother would just not stop asking questions about how she had been living with the Khimar, praying now and again that Allah makes her affairs easy in the Deen and overall. Zaynab was so grateful to Allah for the kind of mother she had, every member of her family were just so marvelous.
They had all cried, though the men held back greatly, when Sulaymaan had announced that it was time they returned back home. Zaynab and her mother just seemed to keep finding water, their tears could have made a large river -maybe just sarcastically- She bade them goodbye in good faith and returned indoors to continue her reminiscence and tears till it was finally Asr time.
Just as she got to her room after locking the door, she heard the Tasleem and a knock, 'ya Rubb, who could it be this time?' She murmured as she headed for the door after answering the Tasleem. 'Pleasant day it is really,' she said after hugging Hikmah and inviting her in.
'What do I offer you, Sis?' Zaynab asked after getting her a glass of chilled water, and Hikmah had told her that that could wait till later.
'Uhm, so...' Hikmah had intentionally left the statement hanging, certain that Zaynab would understand, and the way  that pretty head had smiled told her that she had indeed gotten the message, plus the response was 'good'. 'Come on jare, straight distinctions?' Hikmah had asked, with her eyes bright with hope and pride and Zaynab had laughed at her. 'I wish' she answered playfully and then told her the breakdown of her results as she had told Fateemah earlier.
'Ugh, that woman!' Hikmah had sighed, disgust obvious on her face. Zaynab knew she was referring to the CED313 lecturer, who adamantly refused to let her have a make-up test, and smiled, 'come on, sure she's got her reasons, and in the end anyway, alhamdulillah!' Zaynab had said, hoping Hikmah would be able to leg go of that anger and disgust she felt towards the woman, Hikmah must be more upset for she had been the one to approach the woman on her behalf, as a final resort, and the lecturer had just as much as scoffed and sent her out of her office, and Zaynab had felt terrible to have let Hikmah suffer such humiliation on her account, and to Allah, she prayed she would be rewarded most abundantly for every single thing.
'Uhm.... Sister Zaynab' Hikmah had said, sounding a bit hesitant as Zaynab smiled at her, 'seriously, I can't help marvelling at your...uhm...and then that faith, ma shaa Allah, as you always say'. Hikmah said and Zaynab knew there was more to that confession, but, she decided to not probe.
'Uhm, I've got to tell you something actually, sis' Zaynab had smiled and motioned her to go on, she could see Hikmah swallow and repeat the breathing exercise as for someone nervous, and could not help wondering what it could be she was going to say and was that  scared -say nervous- about? 'It's okay, girl, if it's not something easy to say, we can let it lie. Not knowing something does no harm to anyone, does it?' Zaynab had found herself saying, unsure of where the words were coming from.
'Nah, I think you should know' was all Hikmah could reply and for a long time, neither of them said a word. 'Actually, it was someone who asked me to assist you, at least in whichever way that I can' Zaynab had not seen that coming, she had always trusted it was by sheer luck that Hikmah had seen her studying with Fateemah that day and offered to assist them...but.. She could not think further before Hikmah's crisp laughter interrupted her thoughts and she frowned at her, 'seriously, I had found it the most unusual request when Zleezy had...
'Zleezy?' Zaynab was perfectly sure she had heard wrong, but Hikmah had nodded with a puzzled look on her face, and Zaynab could not put a name to what she was feeling at the moment. 'Yes.... You know him, don't you?' Hikmah had asked slowly, wondering why Zaynab repeated his name like it was strange to her ears, when she was almost perfectly sure that everyone on campus knew about their relationship -plus the duration it lasted for- as well as their breakup. Zaynab was not going to deny knowing him -no, she had promised herslef to do away with lying, plus she had absolutely no reason to lie in this situation anyway -so, she could not understand that -demeaning?- look Hikmah wore as she asked the question, making her shift uncomfortably in her seat, 'well, yes, guess you can say that I do' Zaynab had said without necessarily thinking over her answer, and watching Hikmah nod thoughtfully, she assumed she had not said anything 'too' bad after all.
'Well, he actually told me to, uhm, see if I could help this sister on his behalf and all that. I had not believed him at first, the Zleezy I know had no business with books, neither does any of his friends, so I had just let it go. And, when he just wouldn't stop mentioning it, I had agreed to meet this 'sister', she laughed at the memory then, still finding Zleezy's consistent plea for something so uncharacteristic of him, a very fond memory. 'So, he always said she was a sister he cared very deeply for and about, and I could just not fathom the link between Zleezy, the one I  had known practically all my life, and a supposed 'sister', so I decided to, you know, give it a try and see how it goes. When he had introduced you to me, he intentionally left the name out, so I had to deal with all that surprise and everything when I found out it was the Zee I've always heard about and adored from afar. Seriously, you should have seen the shock on my face, gosh' she paused to look at Zaynab, whose face appeared void of emotions and expression, then she continued anyway, 'he was going to pay me actually, but, when I met you and saw how zealous you were about learning, plus the fact that you were such a fast learner with a good brain, lol, I told him it was a very great pleasure and honor having the chance to actually tutor the great Zee baby, my dear sister Zaynab, and he was so happy I could not have wanted anything more'. Hikmah concluded smiling, but got alarmed to see tears falling onto Zaynab's cheeks, she could not see a reason for such a reaction from her; she was afraid.
Zaynab's heart had swelled and bursted -technically- as she listened to Hikmah narrate the events behind their meeting, confused as to what to feel about Zleezy's help and everything, and eventually, when Hikmah finished, she could not stop the years from dropping, for amidst it all, she knew she was grateful, to Allah, to her family, to Fateemah, to Hikmah...to Zleezy. Seeing the perplexed look on Hikmah's face, she had wiped the tears off and managed to smile, reassuring her that her tears were only because she felt overwhelmed by everything. Hikmah nodded nonetheless and moved over to her to hug her and offer her comfort, even though she could not think of the right words to say.
'Seriously....' Zaynab was saying many minutes later, facing Hikmah, who was now sitting on a stool nearby, squarely. Hikmah shifted her gaze to the  ceiling, she had never disliked anything about these Muslim sisters more than their interest in other people's religious and spiritual lives. She had gotten used to Zaynab's occasional jabs about the inappropriateness of her dresses for Solah -and true, she had adjusted to using the Khimar when she observed her Salaawat- but it seemed Zaynab would just not leave it alone at that today, she had started talking about her dressing before they observed Asr Solah together, and even after she finished her adhkars, she had picked it up again as they returned to the sitting room together, and for her own good, she could not find it in herself to get on her feet and walk away, or even feel upset at her. 'Hikmah, it is incumbent upon me as your friend and sister in Islam, who loves you for the sake of Allah and His messenger alone, to share the truth Allah guided me to with you' Zaynab was saying again and she got back to listening, however uncomfortable it made her.
'Okay, tell me, why go around town in clothings that you wouldn't be able to offer Solah in, my dear sister? Oh yeah, I know, you say it's not to impress the men? Just to feel good and confident on your own, uh? Feel among and exposed?' Hikmah had raised a brow, but Zaynab knew she had to get t that message passed, she owed her that duty, and she would get it done, by Allah, so she continued, 'I know 'cos I've been there, so, it's not new' Zaynab felt Hikmah relax visibly a bit, she knew the full import of her last statement, and she fully meant it, for she knew a lot of people make a big deal of the fact that someone they knew with a sordid past cannot speak of morality or religious obligations to them, and she was no longer ashamed to embrace it as the ignorance part of her worldy sojourn, and definitely, she knew everyone had a past -and a future. Looking at Hikmah, she smiled, 'it's that mischievous game of the mind, right? We know we're lying, but we eventually convince ourselves to believe it's the truth. I thought about it back then, if indeed what we wear and do out there has nothing to do with men or their attention or admiration, then, it wouldn't bother our minds one bit to not have a single person appreciate our dressing -whether or not they say it to us, even if it's just their approving looks or lingering gazes- as we walk about, and covering as Allah  ordered wouldn't be any issue to us at all, for it means we know our positions in this world to serve our Creator solely' She paused and watched Hikmah ponder for a while before frowning, making her smile, 'you see, before I decided to use Khimar, I thought over everything from the very simple but essential poiint of being a Muslim at all, and I realized that however much we dispute it, our ways of lives determines whether or not we are indeed Muslims who submit to the will of Allah. Wearing revealing and tight fitting dressed do us all much more harm than, if any, good at all. Disobeying our own Creator and dragging others with us to the disobedience, just as well is what we do by..'
'How does I choose to dress make anybody disobey Allah?' Hikmah asked quietly.
Zaynab had looked at her, considering how best to answer her question, then she said, 'Sis, if guys were to start walking around in desginer boxers, or shorts that barely cover their behinds, and practically non-existent tops that reveal each and every one of their body contours and oust their attractive muscles, all stretched out and fully conspicuous, how do you think you as a normal hot-blooded lady with hormones and emotions will feel seeing that? Absolutely unaffected, cos it's just what this other person chooses to wear, and he has full right to wear whatever, right?' Hikmah shifted uncomfortably in her seat, she was beginning to detest the conversation more and more by the passing seconds, and she knew that Zaynab knew that, and if she wants to pull this through to the end, then she, Hikmah, was willing to listen to the end, 'but, nothing in this world will ever make me go cover up like some poor local girl who's living in the 7th century or something', she swore under her breath.
'Uhm?' Zaynab prompted her to talk, but, she said nothing, and so, Zaynab continued, 'so, you see, the way we dress affects the people who see us a great deal, and you know that.That the use of Khimar or jilbab is restricted to the time of the Rosuul can't be any farther from the truth, and I am sure we all know that, we're just cooking up unnecessary excuses. Yes, sure, come on, could anyone say authoritatively that the Qur'an and Hadiths of the Prophet are outdated and not applicable to  our lives at present?' Hikmah found herself shaking her head in the negative, against her better judgement of few minutes ago to not respond to anything Zaynab said. 'When Allah  ordered hijab for us, He mentioned "and  the believing women...", which of course, we are supposed to be part of as Muslimahs, unless the Qur'an indeed referred only to the people of the era of the Rosuul, wrong again, because the Qur'an was actually compiled into a Mush'af in order to preserve it for the coming generations, the Rosuul allowed the recording of Hadiths so that generations to come till the last man falls would benefit from the message of their Lord which came through the last Prophet, if we still claim Islam as the only means of worshipping the One True God, how do we intend to worship Him without knowing Him via the Qur'an and Sunnah of His messenger? Why do we think we can make selective submission, abrogating verses of the Qur'an, changing their meanings, making some Hadiths irrelevant, and even just intentionally ignoring some we already are convinced are definitely right, despite the fact that we have no right to, and still think we are Muslims???' She exhaled and closed her eyes for a while before she continued, 'honestly, I thought it was freedom to be living a wreckless life, I really believed that I owed nobody nothing to be subjugated to all those religion things that Muslims do, claiming Allah ordered them, subhanallah...you're much better, dear sis, at least you know you are to observe Solah and you do it diligently, the wrongness of your dressing resulting from ignorance aside...but now though, alhamdulillah, I could never have been more certain to say that I couldn't have been more wrong. Freedom is actually you being able to decide who and what is worthy of your submission; your Creator or His creations, your Lord or your whims? And being able to tell with pride what Islam truly teaches and living your life according to the teachings of my Rosuul, contented with the fact that Jannah awaits you in the end, ma shaa Allah. What benefit is it to expose your body, which Islam respects so much, so much it calls every bit of it your Awrah? All sins, by Allah, getting compounded with every step one takes, ruining both lives, socially and spiritually! Look at how ruined our society has gotten, from even just zinnah, subhanallah....'
'Sister Zaynab, I don't encourage zinah or anything, and I...' Hikmah felt she had to defend herself, that much sin -to be punished for- upon her poor soul was just too much to imagine, she had to be sure she was free, she was just not the hijab type, but definitely, she knew she dressed decent...enough.
'Okay,decent does not encourage zinah, and that is greatly laudable. But, on even ground, tell me no guy has ever commended your dressing sense, or elegant walking steps, and to make it simple, called you 'sexy' before'. Zaynab looked at her as she awaited a response, but, none was forthcoming, so, she continued, 'plus, those compliments actually pleased you greatly, didn't they? So, now, if that does not encourage zinah or anything, tell me what does? Remember, a little spark brings forth a mighty fire. Look at the steps put in place in  Islam to regulate human sexual desires, starting from as low as to separate the children's sleeping places, as young and innocent as they are, according to an Hadith in Sunnan Abu Dawood. Again, Islam orders us to wear hijab and not socialize with non-Mahram men, so that they can preserve their chastity and avoid arousing their sexual desires, that should be in Q33:59, if I remember correctly, from when I read it then and always remind myself everyday. But, sweetheart, we disregard the orders of our Lord and instead, even beautify and adorn ourselves to actually arouse them, whether or not we intend it by dressing the way we do, the way we freely mix in this present age, even that handshaking we take so lightly now, the Prophet clearly forbade it and even told us how overwhelming the purnishment of Allah could be, and we're proud we're advancing in civilization, which is just the word we give to our choice of willingly disobeying our Lord and causing evil in the land? Losing our modesty and dignity? Forgetting the commands of Allah which in truth would actually just bring the best out of our society? We abandon Sunnah and rep the shameless Western ideologies, and we lie and say we are proud to be Muslims,  when we are obviously not even grateful for that mighty grace and blessing?? ... Okay, another one...Islam ordered us to lower our gazes and not look at prohibited things, in Q24:30-1, for fear that a person would share passionately after the initial look, and then imagine, and finally do the unlawful, and as Ibn al-Qayyim, may Allah have mercy on him, said, 'since fornication stems from what one sees, the command to lower the gaze is given precedence over safe-guarding one's private parts. That is why it is said; whoever safeguards these four things preserve his Deen: his eyesights, his thoughts, his utterances, and his actions'. Now, my dear, on account of our so called decent dresses, are we helping the men to obey the commands of their Lord and making it easy for them to lower their gazes? Seriously, Hikmah....'
'Fine, fine, I get' hikamh had snapped at her, she had been frantically searching for an excuse or an explanation, any at all, to counter Zaynab's accusation -or admonishion, as she had put it earlier, not like it mattered what this speech of hers was termed as anyway- but she could not find one, and guilt was engulfing her so much....
Zaynab had been a bit shocked, then she had swallowed it and just remained in her position, afraid she had gone too far somewhere in her address, she had been carried away by her love and concern, she wanted Hikmah to see the beauty of being a Muslimah, to enjoy the respect and pride of being an obedient servant of Allah, to stand tall as a Muslimah who needs not be asked for her religious affiliation or anything, to see the light in the commands of their Lord and...
'Uhm.... You know, even if I want to, uhm, you know, my parent just woud not accept it. They've always said bits about all these down-down people, and honestly... Okay, fine, this is Islam and what is best for me, at least to be pretty free on that side, but, it's just....' Hikmah had said, choosing each word very carefully and hoping Zaynab would understand her. Zaynab smiled and moved to sit beside her, looking straight into her eyes, 'Hikmah darling, let's make our decision first. First, understand that being a Muslim is not all about the dressing and appearance, but we know it counts greatly as even Allah wants us to be recognized as believing women wherever we are, plus it helps our society greatly as we have mentioned earlier, abandoning everything that Allah forbids and striving to obey all that He commands, to the best of her honest abilities, matters so much, we'll be attending the weekend Halqoh together in shaa Allah, we're currently discussing the conducts of a Muslim woman in regards to her religious duties, the lecturers would discuss extensively on most of the aspects of our religious lives, if not all, so that we know the worldy attachments and civilized changes that are forbidden for a believer and the reason why they are forbidden or permissible for us, of course, with reference from the Book of Allah and the Sunnah of His Prophet, in shaa Allah. Undoubtedly, Allah's will reign supreme, yes, and whatever we do is subjected, first, to His pleasure, and when we're satisfied with that as His slaves, every other thing comes pretty easy, bi idh nillah'. Hikmah still looked unsure, so Zaynab mentioned Fateemah, 'could you believe that even her entire nuclear family still do not subscribe to her usage of the Khimar? Uhm uhm, yes, my dear, all it takes is your own convictions and dedication, believing that Allah will make it easy, maybe not so easy, but easier than actually blaming yourself in the end for not following the truth when it has been made manifest to you, all because of other creations of Allah, who will also account for their own deeds, like yourself, and who will never be with you in the grave or when you stand before Allah for judgement'. She heard Hikmah sigh heavily and smiled, 'our bodies are so so precious to us, we can't have just any man with two filled holes in his head have his free stare and satisfaction, heaping sins on himself and us, right, love?' And Hikmah had smiled faintly, her inner turmoil increasing greatly, deeply appreciating Zaynab's efforts to help her see beyond the life of this world. She was confused, but she knew for certain, that if Allah glorified her body so much and crowned her little self with such honour and excellent praises, then definitely, she must be more than honoured to appreciate this unmatchable love of her Creator by obeying His command to cover from all unworthy eyes, their gazes and stares, and that, she would do, in shaa Allah. But, she wondered if it would be easy and soothing for her to go about school now in hijab, as it was for the, uhm, Zaynab, who was now sitting close to her. Zaynab smiled and rubbed her forearm, and at that moment, she deeply appreciated the love and made up her mind to give it her hardest shot; after all, she had not been a -what do you call those kinda girls?- throughout the length of the years she had being in the world, and she was only stepping up to show the world she was indeed a Muslim, and as such, valued her prized gifts of nature, down to the toes of her feet, and was grateful to Allah for blessing her so, instead of the general wrong notion that they -Muslim women- were oppressed.
Zaynab was returning from seeing Hikmah off to the roadside from where she boarded a bus heading to her hostel, when she heard measured steps coming after her. Her hairs had stood on edges and she was greatly frightened, being the only one present in the compound -plus a female- she repeatedly said the adhkar for fear in her mind till she got to her door. She sighed in relief when she opened the door -she had left it unlocked as she was not going far- and got in, thinking it had been her mind playing cranky games on her sanity earlier,  then, she saw him....all covered in a black jacket and a face cap, with full beard -she was downright sure she saw the beards- he stood really tall, practically her brother's height and build, he stood motionless with his left hand gripping the door, and she had swallowed nervously as she felt the palms of her hands get wet with sweat. For very many minutes,they stood staring at each other, with neither making any attempt to break the icy cold silence. Then, the man turned, coming out from behind the door with a cunning smile on his shadowed face, revealing his knee-length knickers, and something about the way he walked into the house and close the door seemed awfully familiar. Zaynab moved a step backwards in fear with his advancement -who could it be?- 'Zayd!' She had screamed that name as the corner of the man's lips raised in a smile of amusement, feelings of anger and relief flooding her body at the same time, and she watched as her brother removed his face cap, unable to move a finger, even though right then, there was nothing she wanted more than to hit him hard on the chest, and bury her head in his strong manly chest with arms wrapped tightly around him -if only those two activities were possible at the same time...
'Well, got you scared ou of your wits, uh?' Zayd said, that wicked amused grin still on his handsome face -oh yes, there wasn't any man he knew that was more handsome...or maybe one, lol- as he pulled his temporarily immobile sister into a very tight hug, and almost instantly, Zaynab had thrown her hands to encircle his back, and they remained in the same position for many minutes -neither bothered with the time- and all so soon, overcome with emotions, they had realized that they both had tears on their faces by the time they disengaged.
'Uhm, always making me into a sissy' Zayd had joked as he headed for a seat, and Zaynab tagged behind him, grinning almost -yeah, almost- sheepishly. 'Why'd you come back?' Was the first thing Zaynab had been able to ask once her brother sat down. 'Uhm, kinda not welcome, uh?' Zayd teased, and Zaynab laughed as she threw her Khimar on a sofa nearby, before sitting close to her brother, resting her head on his chest -oh yes, like she wanted so badly- and enjoying the sweet silence. 'I've missed you a hella bunch, pretty winchi sister' Zayd whispered, just loud enough for her ears, and she blushed, certain no day could be any better, ma shaa Allah. 'Me too, darling' Zaynab had replied, and then a short period of silence followed.
'How have you been, Sis?.... Honestly' Zayd had asked, making Zaynab ponder on what response to give, for a while, before answering. 'Alhamdulillah, couldn't have been any better. You?' Zayd had laughed, telling her he did not believe her last statement, however, he did not push it and she was very grateful. 'So, how was your results?' He asked again, and Zaynab wondered just how much he knew...before she could conclude on a response, Zayd was already telling her how he had figured everything out, how he had felt when he had found out, and finally, how proud he was of her for her bravery and faith. Zaynab had sat up in shock immediately she heard him say he had known, watching him with tears as he recounted everything, feeling her heart break into even smaller pieces at how hurt and disappointed her brother must have felt, and then, when he had said he was proud of her for making the right decision and going through the hardship for it, however late, she had just pulled him into a hug, certain there was no word she could utter that would be right at that moment.
Zaynab told Zayd everything, right from the college days, up till the moment when she saw her results only few minutes before his arrival with their parent earlier. 'Alhamdulillah' she had concluded, feeling more than grateful Zayd was so understanding and forgiving, not judging her for her lies and indecency -amongst her other woes- plus he was proud of her despite all she had done? There was definitely not one from the mercies of her Lord she could deny.
She prepared a meal of amala and ewudu soup with beef, which was Zayd's favorite, for the both of them, during the period Zayd went to the Masjid for his Maghrib and Ishai Solah -of course, she prayed at home now after all, and today she prayed alone, again. Zayd had decided to spend the weekend with her, and honestly, she shook her head with gratitude at the benevolent mercies of Allah in her unworthy life, knowing that no day could have been spent better in her life.
'Ma shaa Allah, you already qualify for accolades for this, Sis.. Barakallahu fiik' She had blushed so much to hear Zayd compliment her so, and she felt full already from just watching him eat with such relish..... Alhamdulillah!
------------------------------------
*N.B.*:
Surah Al-Araf, Verse 29:
قُلْ أَمَرَ رَبِّي بِالْقِسْطِ وَأَقِيمُوا وُجُوهَكُمْ عِندَ كُلِّ مَسْجِدٍ وَادْعُوهُ مُخْلِصِينَ لَهُ الدِّينَ كَمَا بَدَأَكُمْ تَعُودُونَ
Say: My Lord has enjoined justice, and set upright your faces at every time of prayer and call on Him, being sincere to Him in obedience; as He brought you forth in the beginning, so shall you also return.
(English - Shakir)
Surah Al-Araf, Verse 42:
وَالَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ لَا نُكَلِّفُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا وُسْعَهَا أُولَٰئِكَ أَصْحَابُ الْجَنَّةِ هُمْ فِيهَا خَالِدُونَ
And (as for) those who believe and do good We do not impose on any soul a duty except to the extent of its ability-- they are the dwellers of the garden; in it they shall abide.
(English - Shakir)
Surah Al-Anfal, Verse 64:
يَا أَيُّهَا النَّبِيُّ حَسْبُكَ اللَّهُ وَمَنِ اتَّبَعَكَ مِنَ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ
O Prophet! Allah is sufficient for you and (for) such of the believers as follow you.
(English - Shakir)
Surah Yunus, Verse 41:
وَإِن كَذَّبُوكَ فَقُل لِّي عَمَلِي وَلَكُمْ عَمَلُكُمْ أَنتُم بَرِيئُونَ مِمَّا أَعْمَلُ وَأَنَا بَرِيءٌ مِّمَّا تَعْمَلُونَ
And if they call you a liar, say: My work is for me and your work for you; you are clear of what I do and I am clear of what you do.
(English - Shakir)
Surah Al-Hijr, Verse 49:
نَبِّئْ عِبَادِي أَنِّي أَنَا الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ
Inform My servants that I am the Forgiving, the Merciful,
(English - Shakir)
Surah Al-Furqan, Verse 43:
أَرَأَيْتَ مَنِ اتَّخَذَ إِلَٰهَهُ هَوَاهُ أَفَأَنتَ تَكُونُ عَلَيْهِ وَكِيلًا
Have you seen him who takes his low desires for his god? Will you then be a protector over him?
(English - Shakir)
Surah Al-Ankaboot, Verse 56:
يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا إِنَّ أَرْضِي وَاسِعَةٌ فَإِيَّايَ فَاعْبُدُونِ
O My servants who believe! surely My earth is vast, therefore Me alone should you serve.
(English - Shakir)
via iQuran
Surah Al-Ankaboot, Verse 8:
وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حُسْنًا وَإِن جَاهَدَاكَ لِتُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا إِلَيَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ فَأُنَبِّئُكُم بِمَا كُنتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ
And We have enjoined on man goodness to his parents, and if they contend with you that you should associate (others) with Me, of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them, to Me is your return, so I will inform you of what you did.
(English - Shakir)
Surah Ar-Room, Verse 41:
ظَهَرَ الْفَسَادُ فِي الْبَرِّ وَالْبَحْرِ بِمَا كَسَبَتْ أَيْدِي النَّاسِ لِيُذِيقَهُم بَعْضَ الَّذِي عَمِلُوا لَعَلَّهُمْ يَرْجِعُونَ
Corruption has appeared in the land and the sea on account of what the hands of men have wrought, that He may make them taste a part of that which they have done, so that they may return.
(English - Shakir)
Surah Luqman, Verse 33:
يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ اتَّقُوا رَبَّكُمْ وَاخْشَوْا يَوْمًا لَّا يَجْزِي وَالِدٌ عَن وَلَدِهِ وَلَا مَوْلُودٌ هُوَ جَازٍ عَن وَالِدِهِ شَيْئًا إِنَّ وَعْدَ اللَّهِ حَقٌّ فَلَا تَغُرَّنَّكُمُ الْحَيَاةُ الدُّنْيَا وَلَا يَغُرَّنَّكُم بِاللَّهِ الْغَرُورُ
O people! guard against (the punishment of) your Lord and dread the day when a father shall not make any satisfaction for his son, nor shall the child be the maker of any satisfaction for his father; surely the promise of Allah is true, therefore let not this world's life deceive you, nor let the archdeceiver deceive you in respect of Allah.
(English - Shakir)
via iQuran
Narrated By Abu Huraira
Allah's Apostle said, "If any one of you improve (follows strictly) his Islamic religion then his good deeds will be rewarded ten times to seven hundred times for each good deed and a bad deed will be recorded as it is." Sahih Bukhari 1:1:40

Yes, Allah is ever ready to accept our sincere repentance... But then, tell me what: Zaynab is not telling someone about the goodness of hijab?? Seriously? Who would have ever imagined? Awwn, I'm getting all smooched... LLol, is that word right? Well, yeah, don't blame me much, I'm a science students, yeah yeah... Love y'all a thunderous bunch.
Oh yes, just one more chapter to go.... We're indeed nearing the end: what do you think of the means so far?