Light

It is almost too easy to get lost in the dark. I find this fact increasingly frustrating as I trip over another tree root. Fear had begun to rise up in my gut sometime ago, I beat it back down for what seems like the hundredth time in the last hour. At least I think it has been an hour, time is another thing that can be lost to the darkness. Sound, however, is not. In fact it seems to amplify it, a tree limb creaking sounds like an atom bomb to my confused senses.

They have probably sent out a search party by now, worried for me. I wonder if the darkness gives them as much trouble as it does me. Could they have also gotten lost, stumbling in the night, jumping at the slightest sound. No I can't think like that, my fear is getting stronger but I can't give into it. People always talk about courage, staying brave in moments of terror. I don't fall for it for a second. After dealing with darkness for so long I came to a realization. The opposite of fear is not courage, no it's hope.

Courage is a lie, everyone is afraid, to have courage is to act despite fear. To defeat fear you have to have hope. The fear of the future is overcome by hope for the better, fear of a stranger by the hope of a new friend. I remind myself of this fact as a stumble again in the darkness, this time ending up on my knees.

Sharp pain runs up my leg as the rough ground cuts up my knee. The pain reminds me there is a reason to be afraid. Fear is a funny thing, a lot of the times it doesn't build up and slowly take over. No, it happens in an instant, one moment you can handle the situation the next you are paralyzed. This was my moment, as I brushed off my scraped knees, only for my hands to come back wet. The darkness robs me of seeing the damage but my nose picks up the metallic scent of blood. That was the moment that my fear takes over, the panic sets in. No, I have to keep my hopes up, believe that someone will find me soon, but the fear rising in my gut drags me deeper into the darkness. Hope blinks out as fear takes over.

The fear gets me moving, my flight instincts kicking in. The darkness around me plays its greatest trick on me. In the absence of hope, lies take root. The rational part of my mind knows that in all probability I am alone, but the darkness produces a predator, the feeling that something is following me, even hunting me. My fear intensifies, it takes over my movements as my pace picks up. Every rock and root reaches out to me, they try to halt my progress, to let the darkness overtake me. A sound echoes past me, the last bit of hope in the back of my mind tries to tell me the truth, it was just the wind through the trees, I had been listening to it all night. The darkness wins out, however, my pursuer must be getting closer, the lie gains strength.

I start to run, I have no idea where I am going. The darkness unleashes its next weapon against me, confusion. My mind tries to fight the darkness, but the confession is too much for me. It intensifies the fear, makes the lie harder to ignore. Finally the darkness reaches out to take complete hold of. I fall on my face, dirt feels my mouth as I cry out. Tears begin to fill my eyes as the darkness plays its trump card, delivers its fatal blow. Despair sets in. Despair kills my hope, removes truth my world, destroys my certainty. It's the ultimate victory for the darkness that surrounds me, I am completely lost.

Numbness sets in as I succumb to the shadows that are my world now. At my lowest point a ray of light comes in. There in the distance I see it. A semblance of hope returns to me. I push back my fears, I get off the ground and head towards the light. The lie resumes its pursuit of me, the confusion stumbling my feet, but hope has returned.

A voice calls my name, a sound resonating from the light. With the voice my path becomes more sure, the confusion loses its hold on me. The light grows stronger and the voice becomes clear, the hope takes full control now, fear has lost its power. The light is blinding as a barrel into it. A gasp of surprise rises up from it as arms wrap around me. The strong embrace grounds me, the lie falls behind as it becomes lost to me. "Oh my God!" the light cries out "I found him! I found him!" Other voices filter from the night, but I pay them no heed. I hold tight to the light still burning past my eye lids. The darkness has failed. I am no longer lost.

The light leads me to where other voices await. A familiar one reaches my ears. "Honey! Oh thank God, I was so worried!" my mom calls out to me. I run to her as the clicking of a flashlight registers on my ears. "It's ok, now" I tell her "I saw the light. I saw the light and ran after it." Confusion colors her voice "Light? What are you talking about Honey?" I turn from her and look towards the light that lead me back to her. The light that only my blind eyes could see.