Unfinished Stories Brought to You by Yours Truly

A Typical British Story Written by an American Wattpad Author

As an American author who has never been close to Britain, I'm absolutely terrible at writing anything that is set in England. Same goes for other American authors on Wattpad (sorry guys, I just can't let it slide). I've decided to write a story that includes every British stereotype that I can think of in order to prove.........nothing? I just wanted to write it!
P.S. Deepest apologies if this chapter offends you. It's just a prank bruh.

A Typical British Story Written by an American Author is sponsored by the BBC. (not really, I don't own the BBC. Don't @ me)

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"Fatheh, may we please listen to something else? My ears ah stahting to 'urt ."

"No, as British citizens we must listen to The Beatles at 8 A.M. till it's tea time. It is our duty and privilege for our blessed queen."

The blond little girl in a white frilly dress huffed Britishly and took a biscuit (cookie for you Yankees out there) from the china tray that had the British flag on it. The random shoe shiner in the corner continue to shine the man's black shoes while he read a newspaper that said "Sherlock Holmes has done it again!".

"It won't hurt for the girl to be able to play with her dollies now, would it?" The maid said as she went around the room dusting for the fifth time that morning.

"Do not make me raise my voice, Ms. Fiddlepopper! My daughter will listen the Beatles whether she chooses to or not! I will raise my British child with respect and elegance and she will be a banker because I said so."

Ms. Fiddlepopper said nothing else and started dusting the mantelpiece again.

"John! John! Timothy snuck into the pantry and ate all the crumpets again!" Mrs. Blackart rushed in holding Timothy in her arms who was dressed in a sailor-like outfit.

"Naughty boy! Give him a good whacking, that's what I say!" Mr. Blackart stroked his walrus mustache.

"That would be child abuse."

"Don't break character for God's sake!"

"Oh soory......Uh goodbye!" Mrs. whatever British name it was took Timothy to the washroom to get his second bath.

"Fatheh, where is this story going?"

"Not sure, luv. Let's just skip to something else."

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And now....

*slide switches*

The larch. The. Larch.

And now....

*slide switches*

The larch. The. Larch.

And now....

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"Would you like to go to the shop for some fish and chips? It's the only thing British people eat besides tea and crumpets."

"Oh lord, this is starting off lovely..."

"Hush! The audience is here!"

"Oh..right. We are two men walking down to the fish and chip shop. If you would like to join us and have a bit of fun then feel free to join us."

George and Edward, the two most British names in the world walk to the shop, each were doing a terrible job at doing a cockney accent (just think Dick Van Dyke during Mary Poppins and you'll have a good idea).

"So what bring you 'ere, mate? Just passin' by? 'Ere to make fun o' us?" Edward chuckled, "You lads need to get ah be'er 'obby..."

"Stop insultin' the readers, won't ya? This story's goin' nowhere anyhow." George took at drag at his ciggie that magically appeared out of nowhere.

"Don't think yer suppose t'be smokin' at an age like this?"

"Whuh do ya mean? Don't all British 16 year olds 'ave a puff once in a while?"

"..."

"Anyhow, we are now at the fish an' chip shop. All ya' ladies and gents can leave now."

Well okay then.

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Honestly I thought chapter would be more interesting *_*