Beauty Scars

1 - Preliminary

A/N - I'll begin by saying hi guys! My grammer isn't great but i do consider myself to be very imaginative so bear with me, im hoping to make this story decently popular/well known. If you have any tips or complaints, feel free to private message me.

1st POV

I don't understand the concept of beauty. Once upon a time I did, but that was when I was normal. My view on normalcy will be saved for another time.

The Wikipedia definition of beauty. Beauty is a property or characteristic of an animal, idea, object, person or place that provides a perceptual experience of pleasure or satisfaction. I find it unfair, to be honest, the whole fact that beauty is determined by the perception of others.

But let's not dwell on that anymore. One thing is clear; I am not beautiful. And that’s fine by me. Even before my accident, I accepted the fact that I am below average in the looks department.

**

It's half past 3 AM and its absolutely sweltering in my small cube apartment. You'd think that with my lack of furniture, all 3 windows being open, and my mattress being bare on the linoleum floor, that I'd be just a little cool.

Nope. Not at all. In fact, I think I've fused to my mattress. Im scared to even move.

Its sad really, the state of my apartment. It really is a cube, small and plain with 3 smaller than average windows. The walls are a peeling off-white, the flooring stained with roof leakage and other mysterious liquids I rather not knows about. Instead of a kitchen, I have a microwave, mini fridge, and fold up breakfast table.

Working from home as a web designer / aspiring author doesn't pay well and im currently behind on the last 2 months rent. I cant bear to go out into the public and get a job or get a loan, my pride and fear places a barricade on my front door.

Decisions need to be made before my perverted landlord comes back and once again brings up the proposition of me possibly paying with my body. Daily. Yeah, I am good. Being homeless doesn't seem all that bad when I am faced with my bald and smelly landlord.

I sigh, unsticking myself from my mattress and sitting cross legged on the floor. I pull out my phone and scroll, for like two seconds though because I have like 10 contacts and 6 of those are take out. I quickly press and call before fear and pride can make me throw my phone out of my third floor window.

"...mom?"

**

Fear bites through me and tears at my insides to the point where im not sure what i need, an ambulance or a toilet. I sit stiffly straight in an airplane, trapped and thousands of feet in the sky. The only thing keeping me from completely losing my mind is the fact that most of my face is covered by my tied hoodie and sunglasses. The speakers spit out some mumbling, then the announcement that we will be arriving at Miami's Airport in the next 30 minutes. I find it calming to know I’ll soon be with my family after so many years of isolation but… I am scared.

Do they resent me for leaving? For shutting them out? Will my baby brothers remember me? My cat?

Will I see him?

**
One of the first things I see upon arrival to the terminal are tearful greetings between relatives and lovers, making my heart swell and ache. Its shaming really, I’vebarely felt anything but loneliness and boredom for a long time, being so close to home has already begun to thaw my frozen heart.

Then I see my mom and dad, bothsporting napping toddlers on their bacls, their eyes skimming through the crowd emerging from the plane. Mina, my now 16 year old sister, stands beside them, a large cardboard sign being held proudly above her head.
I feel my ears heat as I take in the sight, especially as people look curiously at the young girl holding the word “bitch” above her head.

My presence has yet to be noticed, surprisingly. Not many people walk around with most of their face covered. I approach, my heart beating faster and louder in my ears as I get closer.
One of the twins opens up their sleepy brown doe eyes, locking onto mine. She immediately gasps in horror, and starts shrieking like Im Freddy Krueger ready to slash her little behind. With eyes from all over the terminal locked onto me, I hurry over to my family, pulling off my hoody and sunglasses. Most people look away politely, others stare in aw or disgust. My baby sister on the other hand,  brightens up like a Christmas tree.

“Cheche!”, she shrieks and reaches her little baby hands towards me. My mom tears up, smiling as she pulls me into a warm and familiar embrace, petting my hair as she presses kisses to the side of my face. My proud father wraps one arm around us both, the other around Mina as she tosses herself into the hug.

**
I dislike all vehicles, but I can tolerate bigger cars. The fact that this car is my moms old rusty SUV, filled to the brim with familiar scents and stains, eases my discomfort. I was in the middle of the backseat, stuffed between two car seats. Jade happily clutched my hand in her tiny one, staring at me in aw. Jaden, on the other hand, not the type to cry in fear, just stared at me in suspicion, not truly believing im his beloved Cheche. Mina sits in the row behind us, rambling about high school and getting me caught up on all the tea happening. She fiddled with my short hair, gushing about how she loves my new color, but also teasing me by saying I look like a anime character with my navy blue hair.
Mom continued to spare glances at me through the rearview mirror, dad managing to get in some conversation every time Mina would take a pause from her rambling to breathe. Rarely.
I avoided the rearview mirror, the sight of my eyes curdling my stomach. I once had amazing eyebrows. I once had striking chestnut eyes and long dark eyelashes. I once had a little mole under my right eye.
Now all I see is a monster who has to fill in what used to be her eyebrows. I see one dull chestnut eye, and another fogged over grey eye. I see wrinkly pink skin all over my face, my once mole nothing but a memory. Going below my eyes, my appearance hadn’t changed much, except for the scarring that fluttered down my cheekbones. I still had average lips, not plump enough for my liking but not thin enough that I would consider investing in a Kyle Jenner lip kit.

The scarring continued by my neck, spreading below my collar bone and down my shoulders. My body was a map of pain, a brochure for sadness, and a museum of regrets.

The love shining in my families eyes made my heart swell with the now unfamiliar joy. As strange as I looked, I was loved. I was blessed that Jade remembered me. Jaden had been at the hospital being treated for a tumor discovered in his leg when the accident occurred. We couldn’t see each other during most of our recovery, and eventually I slipped into depression, refusing to see anyone until the day of my departure.

“So Dulce, mi amor.”, Mom began, shutting off the soft music playing as she prepared for what seemed like a serious conversation.

“ I need you to understand that we love you baby. What happened will not change anything. We missed you, your friends missed you...when you left, I felt like I had lost a piece of mi corazon. My heart.”, I grew uncomfortable, guilt eating at me as her eyes bore into mine, Mina and the twins growing awkwardly quiet as they sensed the mood.

Dad turned from the passenger seat, and grabbed my hand. He continued for her, seeing her begin to tear up. “Nobody blames you for leaving. At least, as not as much as we should. We want you to know that you are loved.”

For the first time in years, I cried. Hands gripped mine, Jaden surprisingly patted my back sympathetically. I ugly cried, letting out disgusting noises I would be ashamed of later. But for now, I was finally home.

**

Omg...my first chapter...im so proud!! ❤❤