ARBITRARY 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘯

[ 25 ]

if you are vulnerable, there is a lot less pain. but a lot less love.

∞

jinri's visit left me to think about everything in the end, and even when I'd come back into the studio, I found it strange that taemin also didn't like her much. she was his best friend's girlfriend, so he'd known her very long. at least, longer than me.

when I left, I continued to think about her visit. when she said she thought 'nothing' of the whole marriage. when she said she loved him. what am I supposed to think?

if she loves him and yet leaves him to go like that... people have different perspectives and thoughts and love, but for her to just willingly let go of hers like that.

maybe it isn't love at all, then.

but that might be too soon to assume, right?

sighing as I step out of the studio, taemin took notice of it and nudged into me with his shoulder and asks, "what's wrong?"

shaking my head, "nothing." I half-lie. "just tired I suppose... good job today." he nods in return as we both turn to face the front once more. silence.

and it settles in between us for a few minutes, I suppose that knowing taemin, he knew that was time enough to figure that something was wrong after all.

and the male stops me in my tracks by simply placing his hands on my shoulder, pulling me back. "what did you and jinri talk about?" I hadn't told him about our conversation outside, because when I went back, I kept true to my word and we quickly went back into the dance we were practicing. "there's something more to it and I know."

shaking my head, trying to keep him off my case, I deny. "it was nothing, taemin. I promise."

"minho?"

"see? you know it was nothing. so why talk about it." it really was just something I needed to clear my mind about.

but he didn't even take a hint of it, or rather, knowing him, he just chose to ignore the fact I had not wanted to talk about it at all.

taemin is a hardcore believer that by talking about your problems, you will lift them off your shoulders by bits until finally, they're gone. and I, on the other hand, wasn't much a believer of such thought.

his hand kept me in place and I sighed again. "taemin, please, let go." slowly and almost seeming hesitant, he did.

"... she confuses you, doesn't she?"

I turn to face to him with a the type of look that surrenders anyone; a look half of guilt and confusion. his shoulders rise and fall just as his chest expands when breathing and exhaling sighs.

"believe me, I know how it feels."

I didn't know what to say and simply kept quiet. "I've seen them together since the end of high school, it came as quite a shock, in my opinion." he chuckled, but it sounded dry, almost forced to add the sardonic humour. "because as much as we were really popular, they never really talked."

"maybe they talked when you guys weren't around." I didn't want to think much about it now. "but I just want to get my problems over with, I'm getting married soon, and knowing my father he will want me to move in straight after." after all, he did the same with my same sister and nichkhun.

taemin had a look of pity in his eyes. "it's just one thing I don't understand about this whole thing is... no, two actually." I turn to face him, his expression held such seriousness that to me, it was almost unusual. "why doesn't she already step out of this and why don't you keep your ground, lisa?"

his candor surprised me, but deep down, I couldn't help but agree with his words.

"I know it's a situation you're not used to." he starts. "but at the same time, when watching her come in and you just going after her for a 'talk', do you have any idea how you looked?" I knew he meant as to how weak I was. "and then, you let her words — whatever they were to you — bother you!"

"because what else am I supposed to do?" I didn't speak out loudly for myself. but taemin still waited for me to speak my turn. "if it weren't for my father, is three wouldn't be in this situation."

but my partner only scoffs at my words. "'us three'? lisa, don't you see it's only you and minho?"

"... taemin, you don't have any idea of how she feels." she said she loved him. what else am I supposed to do? yet, at the same time she told me I was allowed to be with minho and fall for him? this entire situation... it's all so messed up.

but upon feeling taemin's go around me and hearing him sigh by the side of my head, I knew he thought foolishly of me and my actions. "jinri doesn't care, lisa." I shook my head. "and she never seemed to care enough, really, watching her do nothing about it shows. why can't you see that?"

for a moment I thought, why? "I don't know..." because I choose not to. because in the end, I am still scared to be hurt. I am still to do something about it.

we stay in that position for a while until taemin tightens his embrace and slowly, I bring my own arms to hug him in return. "... you know what?" he lets out after minutes of silence. "I say that we both go out, right now. to get all these problems out of your head and try to find solutions for them."

I laugh at his words, because as much as he did sound half joking, I knew he was serious. that was lee taemin, always trying to make me feel happy. "let's go for drinks?"

I giggled "right now?"

and he nods with determination before pulling away from our embrace. "right now."

for a while, I did debate but then again, I figured that with him I'd have no choice but to say yes. and with that, I nod my head, accepting his offer. he smiles widely before pulling on my hand and dragging me off the dance studio premises.