the dust of hope (STARSHIPPING)

his eyes

"You guys are having fun in this duel, despite everything?" Yusei's words rang out in Judai's head. Part of him didn't know how to process that. Fun? Dueling? Those two things hadn't crossed lines in a long time. The black haired teen looked at Atem, who was smiling. That smile was a true smile, nothing like Judai's act. His smile faded for a second but he quickly grinned, throwing a thumbs up in the air. However, he did catch a slightly worried look from the Pharaoh. In a way, the worried look was strange to Judai. After graduating (somehow. with everything going on it was hard. even judai himself was surprised he'd managed to.) he'd practically ran off. He'd even neglected forgotten to say goodbye to everyone. Judai had started to travel, going anywhere he'd really pleased to. No one had chased after him (not that he expected them to. he'd probably be okay if they even hated him... however unlikely that was.) and he didn't know if they still thought about it.

"Dueling is fun, especially with friends," Atem had said, probably alluding to them being all friends. Judai could feel his somewhat lonely (only somewhat. yubel and pharaoh were always there for him.) heart reach out, wanting to be happy and have friends. However, his heart was made out of darkness. He had no place next to these two people who had brought so much hope into the world and vanquished the darkness. (was he forgetting he'd done the same thing before everything went to shit? judai too used to inspire people with hope. his smile used to be the brightest in the room.)

Since when were duels actually fun? Since before the other dimension, or before all the shadow duels the teen had endured... and all the pain and the sorrow? Judai could barely remember having a fun duel at all recently. Of course there was the pair duel with Asuka, however... that didn't last. Directly after that Darkness had attacked and again, he'd thrown his friends directly into danger by merely existing. Part of him wondered if there was a way to go back and stop himself from existing. For all the pain and suffering he'd caused... it would be a fine punishment. All the screams, betrayal... A sharp call of his name brought him out of his thoughts, and the brunette had to throw up another smile--when had he stopped?--and assured Atem and Yusei that he was fine. He wasn't.

Paradox had simply stood there while Judai was contemplating his life's value, it seemed. He stood there, smiling as he watched them waste time. After all, every minute lost was gained for the blonde. Yusei just nodded at the answers, looking down at his duel disk, as if he were pondering something before looking back up at Paradox. His arm shot out to the side, and his stance was confident, voice loud when he started to speak, "Paradox! I will not allow you to destroy and re-write our future!" He'd yelled, eyes sparkling. If Judai looked closely he could see the shine in his eyes, specks of light blue, almost white, that glistened in the light of the Sin World. Despite the almost dreadful situation, his eyes shone...like stars...like...stardust.

"So, Judai," Yusei started, looking down lovingly at his D-Wheel, "If we do meet again... will I be able to meet the real you?" He asked, bluntly yet hesitantly in a way that was so Yusei. Judai could only blink in response, his smile growing bittersweet. So he'd noticed. Hopefully... Yusei never met the real him. Because the real him was a terrible person, had hurt so many, and even endangered his friends... frequently. Someone like Yusei didn't deserve to meet someone like Judai. They were kind of opposites, if you thought about it. The synchro duelist told him about many of his duels, and he was a bringer of hope. Even his eyes reflected that. They were deep and full of pain and despair but they also shined with the thought of a tomorrow. Judai, however? He was the bringer of despair. He was the darkness, the thing that caused pain and was better off stowed away.

"If you're lucky? Never." At his reply, Yusei stopped, looking at Judai with a puzzled and somewhat worried expression. Judai stuck his tongue out, laughing. "Just kidding!" He wasn't. "The real me? I'm not sure what you mean! I've always been Judai!" No, he hasn't. The black haired duelist focused his gaze back on the red D-Wheel, mulling over Judai's lies. The brunette felt almost sick, mouth dry. He hated lying to everyone, hated being this happy when on the inside he was anything but. He wasn't sure how Yusei looked past his happy facade. He'd spent so much time perfecting the mask, faking happy. Faking Judai. Then again, who even was Judai? The happy him from all those years ago? Or... the evil him from the other dimension? Haou. Or... was there even a third option? Yusei snapped him out of his thoughts again with a call of his name.

"Are you listening?"

"Yeah!"

The synchro duelist only sighed in response. "It doesn't matter. Let's get you back to your time," He said, climbing onto the D-Wheel. Judai nodded, settling in behind the taller duelist. It was a tight fit, considering the D-Wheel was only supposed to be for one person and Judai was acutely aware of how Yusei's back was pressed against his front and his own arms around the--actually quite fit-- duelist.

Then again, did Judai even want to go back to his life? It was sad and glum. Most of the time he would sit and think about everything he'd done wrong and if he could just please fix it, please let me go back and fix it. let me save them. No, no. Now wasn't the time to wallow. Yusei started up the bike and Judai held on tighter. "Hey, Yusei? can you... take me to your time?"