She's Hurting (Completed)

Starting Over

I Guess you could say it is a special chapter because it is longer than most. please correct me if I'm wrong but I do believe this is the longest chapter of the whole book.

It is my second day of rehab for me.... Not the normal rehab I am different I have the privilege to have my mother be my doctor . Sometimes I have cold sweats in my sleep. I have been really sleepy and very depressed but that is what this journal if for or at least that's what my doctor said. If I write in here it will make me feel better and to be frank. I FEEL NO BETTER. JUST LET ME DIE...................................... When me and Kaylee try and start something sexual I just cant get into it. I lose all things sexual and I just pus her away and I do feel like I'm hurting her. We have gotten into some arguments they have been getting to the point where we scream and my mother or Adam even Addison has to come and take Kaylee out of the room so we could both calm down. I have even seen after one of our big arguments Kaylee crys to them and it hurts me but I also don't feel it. She does not deserve me I don't deserve her . I should die. I should be dead. everyone would love it wouldn't they?

Chloe POV

When I finished writing in book. I threw it across the room and it hit my door. I could feel my body to start to hurt and I start to feel a little sleepy. instead of going to pick up the book I lay down and close my eye on the beanbag chair and fall asleep.

Kaylee POV

I heard a thud come from upstairs from Choles room. It sounded like it hit the door so I go check to make sure everything is ok. I slightly knock on the door to see if it was ok to come in there was no answer so I walk in quietly and as I pushed the door open I felt a slight force against the door. I looked on the floor seeing Chloe's journal. I pick it up just staring at it. Wondering whether or not to read it. I know the doctor told her to write in a journal to help with some of the things that she has to go through. I walk over to her dresser and just place the journal on top of it and just walk out of the room. I don't deserve to read her things. I have done enough damage towards her. we are both damaged people I don't understand why we are even together. I care for her so much.

We both go to therapy, She goes for her thoughts and feeling. I go for my brokenness and trust issues that have resurfaced and my really bad sleeping habits that I have known about for a while. I just chose not to acknowledge it. The therapist diagnosed me with insomnia. which I already knew but she wanted to make sure that was true. So now I am being watched like a hawk not only by Chloe and her family but even the paparazzi. After my ex came over my life was ruined. She posted where I stayed. She even posted the school I went to. Just like chole I can't start school until next month. I do try and get out the house. I only go to the back year though because I can't get five inches away from the house without being bombarded by paparazzi.

I am trying to stay strong for Chloe but I feel like I'm losing myself and going back to that person that would take Xanax's all the time and care about nothing. I am trying to stay strong for Chloe. I think about leaving her when she gets better, she does not need this in her life. She deserves someone loving and willing to have time and give time towards her and I don't think I can do that. We can't last a day together without an argument and I am scared these arguments are going to turn physical. I don't think Chloe would hit my on purpose but I do believe since she is in withdrawal stage she would. People in a stage like this will do anything not really noticing until it is too late.

Addison is never home. She isn't how she use to be. Her and Tiffany are still a happy couple but when they are here they stay in Addison's room and the only person that comes out is Tiff. Tiff tells me and Adam and Addison's mom everything that's up with her. She hasn't even spoke to Chloe. This family is so disconnected I hope sometime this week things will get better. Getting out of my thoughts I decide to walk back in Choles room and lay next to her on the bed just looking at her blonde silk hair. She is still the only person I can have a good night sleep with I am honestly surprised I haven't passed out from my exhaustion. As I lay next her I try and decide if I should cuddle her or not. It only take me a second to just reject the thought and just turn the opposite way and close my eyes. It wasn't the same through the sleep I tossed and turned.