let's pretend we're in hell - billie eilish

athena, look at me

another fucking day, ugh. i spent the night at elaina's house and we talked, laughed, and watched movies. it was a really fun time but i'm sure my mom's gonna give me hell for this. let's not think about her right now.

"get up thena, we got school." elaina shook me. i groan and rub my eyes. can i just skip? she headed upstairs to her room and came back with clothes.

"i know our styles are pretty different but this is the best i could do." she spoke, cleaning up the plastic plates and candy wrappers. i went to the bathroom and got ready.

although it wasn't something i usually wore i had to admit, it was kinda cute. i patiently waited for elaina to finish her makeup, which she doesn't need, and  then we headed to school.

we walk in together, hand in hand, and headed to the cafeteria. then i hear someone call my name. fuck. elaina looked back and i was expecting her to mouth something like it's billie but it seemed like she didn't know the person.

i turned around and it's noah. "hey babygirl, you dipped yesterday." she giggled. her voice is raspy and calming. "yea." i nod, looking down nervously.

"well, i just wanted to know if you'd like to go to a party this saturday at my house? i'll text you the deets and everything." she grinned. "yeah sure, uhh can laina come?" i ask, looking over at her. help was written all over my face.

she nodded looking down at her phone. i handed her my phone with my contacts open but she put her hand up. "no need. bils gave me your number. oh and cute outfit by the way." she complimented me, walking to her class.

i turned to elaina and we just silently walked into the cafeteria together, sitting at our usual spot. they served breakfast but i wouldn't dare eat any of the demon food they serve here.

i sat down and elaina looked at me with a what the hell just happened look on her face. i shrug it off and i could see she was slightly annoyed. "so we're going to a party now?" she rolled her eyes.

"on saturday." i sigh. i barely even leave my bed to shit, what did i just get myself into? "athena, you know i don't like parties." she says, looking down at her phone.

i open my mouth to say something when i get a text.

UNKNOWN

is this athena?

i could only assume it was noah.

yea it's me

k this is noah if you didn't guess already
i'll text you deets on thursday

oh and billie wants to talk w you

ugh, why?

okay

i decided i would just tell elaina about it in 2nd period and locked my phone. this is going to be a long ass day.

the bell rings and elaina and i grab our things, ready to head out. "i know the only reason you want me to go to this party is so you won't be alone. consider it a favor." elaina spoke angrily.

she was completely right and it made me feel guilty.

i wanted to say something but it would probably make her angrier. she's always at home studying and never gets out, maybe this will be good for her.

hopefully it is.

while walking to class i remembered what noah texted me. billie wanted to talk to me. butterflies grew in my stomach and i felt sick. the anticipation was too much. i kept going through possible scenarios in my head and then, i was right in front of the classroom door.

i put my hand on the knob and slowly turned it, opening it silently. billie hadn't arrived yet. she was coming late more and more, but it's probably just her being new.

or maybe it's her new found friends.

mr. wellington began his lesson and i got  my phone out to play games.

then out of nowhere, the door swung open, revealing an out of breath billie.

"late again but it's all fine you're just in time for the most interesting part of today. take a seat." he spoke rapidly. billie rushed to the back of the class and sat next to me. "nice fit." she smiled, adjusting her beanie.

"thanks." i smile. "i wanted to talk about yesterday," she spoke in a more serious tone. "are you okay? like really, cause you bolted and didn't tell us where you were going. i was worried." she confessed, looking directly at me.

i did tell them, they weren't listening. "i'm fine billie, swear. elaina just texted me with a bestie emergency and i had to go."   i forced a smile, looking back at my game.

i continued to look down and not at her.

"athena, look at me." she insisted. i refused, i can't get lost in her eyes.

my eyes remained looking at my phone. "athena." she demanded. i could hear the frustration in her voice. god, why is she pressing this.

i'm not going to get lost in her eyes. i felt her fingers softly graze my jawline and her index finger lift my chin up. "what's going on?" she asked. her eyes staring deeply into mine. a look of concern on her face.

i bit my lip and swallowed the lump in my throat. should I make up an anwser? should i tell her i kinda like her? i mean i've only known her for 2 seconds but, i find myself falling for with her.

her laugh. her smile her scent. her eyes. her lips. everything about her drove me crazy.

but, she doesn't need to know that. i need to control myself, my feelings. what if she hurts me? can i trust her? can i be vulnerable? what if she's straight? all these questions ran through my head as billie waited for my anwser.

i looked down at the floor then back up at her. "i told you, it's nothing. just a best friend emergency."

she let out a long sigh then pulled pulled out her phone. was what i did wrong? probably, but it's better for everyone. i don't want to hurt her and i don't want to get hurt. she looked back at me with a hurt face and returned to her phone.

atleast I didn't get lost in her eyes.

i be listening to that my heart is always broken type music