GOD DAMN IT!

Jake:*yawns* morning bae. ...oh.. right I live  alone...GOD DAMN IT!! I'm outta jergens....

I left my house and drove  to the store to buy more lotion for my....mastur---I  mean skin purposes.. I purchased  my lotion and proceeded to the check out..

Cashier: ..this is your 9th purchase  this week..😐

Jake:I have really dry skin 😑really dry skin..

He cashed my goods with his nosy ass and I left and went on my way home.

I was driving down the road when I heard a loud screech and a huge crash..

Jake:GOD DAMN IT!!😶😶A CRASH FUCK I GOTTA DO SOMETHING  AS A CIVILISED  CITIZEN OF SOCIETY  I MUST HELP!!

I dashed from the car to help the injured..It was a white  Nissan which had been flipped over and totaled I ran over to the first person I saw in the front seat..it was a girl..

Jake: fuck! She's badly injured.. she's missing  an arm and 😶😶😶WHAT her left ass cheek..WHERE THE FUCK IS IT??!!!

Cindy: J-J-Jake is that you please help me..

Jake: cindy..my ex..

Cindy:please help I'm dying.

Jake: you know I would help you but I uuuhh I uhh.

Phone: *boo bling*

Jake: *checks phone* MY GIRLFRIEND  JUST TEXTED  SHE'S HORNY SO I GOTTA UHH GO TAKE CARE  OF THAT..

phone:Digicel- your digiloan is 20 days over due.

Cindy:*coughs blood* please jake

Jake:I mean I can't keep her waiting she gets cranky... wait is that someone  in the back seat..damn she's unconscious...

I swiftly dashed past cindy and pulled the unknown girl from back of the car and tried to rush her to the hospital. .

Cindy:😲😲JAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!!!!!!

              *CAR EXPLODES!!!!*

Jake: 😨😨she'll  be fine it's cool she'll  be fine..

*Cindy's hand falls in front of me giving me a middle finger*

Jake:😑that's what you get...you whore...

I rushed to the hospital  with the girl.. upon arrival the doctors took over the situation  I was forced to wait hours in the waiting  room..until finally the doctors  came out ..

Doctor:I have some bad news

Jake: what Is it? I can take it doc..

Doctor : we did everything  we could but....

Jake: doc please no doc NOOOOOO!!!

Doctor: the bottle was too badly damaged..

Jake: JEEEEEEERRRRRGEEEEEENNNSSSSS😭😭😭😭😭😭

Doctor: but on the bright side she's alright tho☺

Jake: oh yeah lemme see her..

I walked inside  the room and saw her laying  down with lamest look I've ever seen like the crashed was just another friday...

Jake: hi you feeling ok.

Jan: yup take me home.

Jake: excuse me?😑

Jan: YOU! saved  my life...SO YOU! are responsible  for me..

Jake: *walks away* 😂😂😂bitch crazy

Brain: 😑dumbass if you take care of her she gots to do what you say..meaning  free sex..

Jake: *UTURN* you  know you are absolutely  right I am responsible  for you now..shall we away for relations? 🙂🙂🙂

Jan: yeah sure when I'm dead😑

Jake:😤😤😤😤bitch  get your ass in the car..

Jan: pfft...I can't move lift me up

Jake:😤😤😤😤think of the sex jake think of the sex. ..

Jan: like I'll  let you between these legs bruh😂😂😂😂

Jake:😡😡😤😤😤*picks her up and leaves*

the drive home was long and irritating  but eventually  we made  it and I had to pick her up and bring her inside. .

Jan: carry me to the bedroom. .

Jake:* drops her ass on the floor*  sleep tight  damn bitch GOD DAMN IT!

AAAYY. AYAAYAYAY.  DAB ON A BITCH  A NIGGA BE  BACK IT IT AGAIN!!!!