Things

Piece Of Meat

You left me. All alone. Broken and used, naked and cold. Abused. Nothing haunts me more than that night and of course I blame myself. I should have been sober. I should have gone home. I should have stayed away. From you. I'd had a bad week you see, work was a stress and I'd broken up with my boyfriend so I just wanted a night out with my friends to release, let go and unwind. To have a good time. Dressed quite modestly in jeans and a lace long sleeve I'm ready and we head to our local - they have a dj on Fridays and not a shit one.  I started on an alcopop, I'm not a lightweight but it had been a while so I was breaking myself in. Moved onto the classic vodka lemonade combo as Lauren coaxed me onto the dance floor. There we were, dancing (side stepping maybe more of an accurate description) enjoying ourselves. The dj was putting on some tuuuuuuunes! A few more drinks in and I'm still fairly aware of my surroundings - not so much my body, swaying side to side still dancing. My feet are numb! You come up to me and offer your hand to dance, I shake my head 'no'  and continue dancing with Lauren as you move away. We get another drink and return to the dance floor and I see your eyes on me. I don't like it but I brush it off - coincidence right? We're still drinking and dancing, dancing and drinking and you move towards us yet again. This time from behind, grabbing my hips tight and pulling me back. Lauren manages to pull me away from your grip. "Are you okay?" she shouts over the pounding music. "Yeah, it's not a pub without a creep right?" and we decide then it's hometime. Lauren insists she uses the loo before the short walk. "I'll meet you out front - I need some air" and we separate. Seconds after leaving a hand clamps over my mouth, your hand - muffling any attempt to scream for help - and another wraps round me and drags me round the corner. "This is it, I'm going to die." swirls round and round my head but I still can't make a sound. You stop and trap me against a brick wall, your hands start wondering and they leave a sickening burning after them. You keep me there, unable to move against your hold as you undress me with dizzying precision at the realisation "He's done this before." I feel a sharp sting and I fall limp - giving up the fight you've already won. You chose me as this nights prey and I didn't stand a chance. You made the right choice - you've obviously got an eye for the weak. A sob escapes my lips as a tear drips off my chin. I hadn't even realised I was crying. What seemed like a never-ending eternity was in fact minutes and you were done with me. You let go of me and walk away, clothes askew and a sheen of sweat on your brow. Discarding me like a used piece of meat and I fell. My legs gave way and there I sat. All alone. Broken and used, naked and cold. Abused. With no one but myself to blame. My clothes were too tight - I'd been teasing. I'd made my face up too pretty - wanting attention. I'd not resisted hard enough - I made it too easy. I am easy. I'm dirty and disgusting and... Nothing. I am nothing anymore. I pick myself up, make myself as presentable as possible and attempt to dry my tear-stained face and walk out to meet Lauren just exiting the pub, unaware and oblivious as to the event just passed. Believing my feeble "I fell" as excuse for my shabiness, she links her arm through mine and we start walking. Don't frown, or tut. I couldn't exactly tell her what had transpired in those minutes I'd been without her, could I? It's taboo you see. And Lauren is my best friend, I don't want her ashamed of me.