Look At Me

Monster

I've always had a hard time telling people about me. When I was younger I always told them I was a happy person and had no troubles. I said that nothing was wrong with me. Now it's almost impossible to say the same thing. If there is one thing I've experienced a lot in my life...it's death. I have no grandparents for I've had to live with only two for a very short amount of time. My mom's mother passed when I was two, and my dad's father the year after. That's not really important and doesn't exactly effect my life right now. My life is in a major crisis filled with the thought of death. I was fine before I made my mistake, but then a monster crept in. It told me that I wasn't worth it. I'd had a hard time at home dealing with the hate from my mother. It felt like I was in this draining cycle of a love, hate relationship with her. It was like everyday I came home and did one thing wrong, it was all my fault. I started to shut everyone out except for those who I loved very dearly. As if that wasn't enough the monster found ways to control me more...violently. Days when I felt like breaking down, the monster said pain was the answer. I listened to this monster and to this day I sometimes still do. It tells me how worthless I am and that I don't even matter. I believed it sadly and proceeded to harm myself. I'd beat myself until the monster decided it wasn't any fun. When I got angry that's all I did. As they days went by things escalated from there...to blood.