I Can't Drown My Demons / Chase Lawrence

Chapter 3

I feel rage bubble up inside me and I want to yell really loudly that it's not fair. It's not fair that my mom is trying to keep the pool boy from me!! Wtf, Linda! She should know how much he means to me. 

I glare at her. "What's that, Mom?" I ask coldly. She shrugs and examines her manicured nails, waiting a moment before replying. 

"Oh, nothing, just some trash." She is the worst! 

"Trash?! You call Chase's letter to me-" I start angerily. I realize my mistake too late. 

"How would you know that?!" My mom roars, getting closer to me. I worry she will scratch my eyeballs out with her hot pink nails. She's a good mom though. "Were you SPYING on Chase and I?!!!!" She is ravaged, about to pounce at any moment like the cougar she is. 

"No, I-I promise I just- he said- I-" I close my eyes, cringing away from her evil stare. "I just heard it when I walked by. I didn't mean to! I swear! I don't even know him that well! It was probably just a... a grocery list!" 

"Yeah, you're right. That makes a lot of sense," Mom says, calming down. "What else could it be? A love letter?" She laughs harshly and I feel my little heart break. 

I leave the room, feeling sad. I go into the kitchen for a snack and Chase! is sitting on the kitchen counter in his speedo, eating an orange. 

"Hey," he says softly. His voice is so cute. It sounds like honey and sunshine and the ocean's waves hitting the rocks. It reminds me of the water's surface -smooth and shiny. He was born to be a pool boy. 

"Hi," I reply. I stand on the opposite side of the room from him, keeping my distance. "I, um, hope you're having a good day."

"Did you get my letter?" He says intensely. I am nervous. He is staring deep into my eyes and I feel like he is looking into my soul and judging all my mistakes but in a nice way. I look back into his eyes and smile at him, curling my mouth up into the biggest grin ever! I hope I don't look creepy like that fat purple cat from All Is in Wonderland. 

I want to touch his ramen hair. It looks so soft. 

"Nah, my mom burned it. She's sooo crazy," I tell him casually, trying to laugh it off. He swings his feet as he thinks that over. Then he pats the place next to him on the island. 

"Come sit by me," he drawls. I walk slowly over to the counter, dragging my feet. I hope my parents don't come in! I hop up on the counter next to him. 

Our faces are centimeters from each other. I feel my heart beating out of my chest as the tension in the room becomes so thick that you could even cut it with a KNIFE. It hurts to see him that close - to see his beautiful features in high definition. I begin to hyperventilate.

"Woah, are you okay?" he asks. "I know CPR."

"I'm-" I wheeze, "fine. Just a little. Dizzy?" I say truthfully. His eyes are looking into my soul again. If I were to die right now, I'd still be happy. 

"Well, I can make you feel better," Chase tells me. His face starts to get closer to mine. I feel faint. I can't believe this is about to happen. I'm about to kiss the love of my-

His face inches closer and closer. Finally, his lips touch mine! He kisses me one time then hops off the counter and starts to leave the room. I do feel better now. 

"Hey, Hannah," Chase calls to me. He stops walking and I look at his chiseled face. 

"Yeah?" 

"Hold your head up, Hannah," he says. I blink at him in confusion. "When you swim. Hold your head up high. So you don't drown." Then, he leaves, leaving me with the peel of his orange on the counter to remember him by.

He's so romantic. 

I wish I knew what his letter said. I wonder if he loves me. It's hard to know. If only I could get ahold of his journal... who knows what those lavender pages would tell me... maybe I'd finally know what was going on in his beautiful head. 

I have a plan.