I Can't Drown My Demons / Chase Lawrence

Chapter 5 - Diaries and Baseball

A/N: OMG THANK U GUYS FOR READING!!! Follow on twitter @dontcry6969 :) so honored to be first and only COIN fanfic. those boys are jumpstarting my writing career.

I throw my IPhone 10s across the room to ignore Zach's message. I can't deal with that right now. 

I turn my attention back to the delicate pages of Chase's journal. On the first page it says, "For H, poetry for solace." Who knows what That means but I hope Im the H he means! 

I flip over to the first actual page of writing. At the top it says 6/9! That was a couple months ago! I didn't know he noticed me then......

On the page it says: Dear dairy, today I met Hannah when I was hired to be her house's gardener. I love to garden, but I hate the dirt. its complicated :/ anyways, Hannah is beautiful. She smells like freshly cut grass and rain. I think I'd like to kiss her someday, but who can be sure. Anyways. I hope she's nice. Maybe I'll talk to her sometime. Her mom is kind of crazy, but hey ! who isn't! I certainly have my own family problems (ugh my brother makes me mad!) Bye, Diary. Love, Chase Lawrence. 

Brother? he has a brother? Cool. Wow I can't believe he's been in love with me as long as I've been in love with him. This is crazy. 

There are similar musings for each day; most are about me, but some of them are just about his feelings or how his day went. It's nice to see inside his head for once. he's usually so mysterious. 

I flip to yesterday's entry and look at today's too.

10/05 

Today, I saved hannah from drowning. I'm scared for her to know my secret. What if she looks at me differently? I hope she doesn't drown again. That was scary. I think I'll date her. She is so pretty and nice. I hope she knows that I value her as a person and that I didn't just notice her but I sensed her too. Sensed her presence and her loneliness and her ability to see within me into my darkest depths. Love, Chase 

10/06

WTF! I hate JAKE LUPEN! he is so annoying and rude! he's definitely trying to get with hannah! Does he love her like I do? Or is he getting back at me after our messy breakup? UGH! We're going to a baseball game tonight though ill keep you posted. Today's mood: I want it all or nothing at all. Love, Chase 

Messy breakup? I have so many questions! 

Just then there is a knock on my door. I quickly shove Chase's diary under my hot pink pillow with white hearts on the case. 

Before I can get up and answer it, Zach barges into my room.

"I could've been NAKED!" I scream at him, throwing the pillow the diary isn't under at his face, hoping to cause some pain but not a lot because he's my bfffl. 

"You weren't," he points out, sitting on the edge of my bed. "You ignored my text. WHY are you dating Jake?! He was our school's BADDEST boy!" 

"Im not dating him," I confess. "I just told my mom that so she'd back off."

"Back off wha-" realization dawns in his eyeballs. "OH EM GEE! You're trying to get with Chance."

"Chase*" I correct him.

"HA I KNEW IT," he gasps. He rolls his eyes violently. I hope they get stuck. "He sucks. Have you seen his speedo?"

"Oh boy HAVE I," I say, snickering.

"HANNAH EW!" 

"You brought it up-"

"Ugh whatever." He lays back down next to me. "Chase is annoying too. All these guys are not good enough for you." 

"So who is?"

"Well, I'm glad you asked because I think that the person who is right for you is-"

"HANNAH!" my mom calls up the stairs, interrupting him. "Jack is here to pick you up!"

"Sorry, Zach! Talk later." I run into the bathroom to check my messy blonde hair. I run a diamond-encrusted hairbrush through it and throw on some more chapstick and mascara. I put on my Adidas Superstars so I look sporty enough to go to a baseball game. Ugh I love the Dallas Cowboy! 

I run downstairs and meet Jake by the door. he kiss my cheek! he's really selling this. 

We get out of my house and get into a white limo. How can he afford it on a plumber's salary? Is he secretly something else?

"I hope you like the ride," he says, the epitome of the sunglasses emoji. 

"I love it!" I scream. 

"Do you?" He smirks. "Are you excited for the game?"

"Yes I love baseball!" 

"You mean basketballl?" 

"That's what I just said, Jake." 

We ride in silence the rest of the way. I look at him out of the corner of my eye. he's wearing a pink fluffy coat to stay in touch with his feminine side as he supports a sport. That dichotomy.... (A/N: BIG WORD!)

We make it to the game. Chase meets us outside. "How are you, babe?" He asks, kissing me ON THE LIPS! GASP!

"Babe?" Jake scoffs. "Didn't realize you had a BABE, Chasie." 

Chasie? The heck!?

"Yup," Chase puts his arm around me. "The players aren't the only ones who scored!" 

"That's so deep, uwu." I tell Chase, smiling up at him.

"We're so cute," Chase tells me.

Jake gags. 

We get to our seats and the baseball/basketball/football? game starts. I don't understand any of it but the boys keep yelling at the players like they can hear them. silly boys. they must think they are coaches. 

I get up to go to the concession stand. Chase hands me a 5. "Get yourself something nice," he says. I can't afford anything with $5 but a mini Coke. I buy it. my stomach growls. Chase doesnt have a big salary as a pool boy.

the rest of the game is good I can't complain. as I sit in between the two boys, I notice them smiling at me in cognito throughout the game. They love me. It's really hard being loved sometimes. 

Suddenly, I'm tapped on the shoulder by the person sitting behind me. I turn to look at them and they shout, "YOURE ON KISS CAM!" I look up and I AM! It's focused on me and Jake and Chase are in the frame. I can pick which one to kiss. They both look at me expectantly. 

My heart beats faster. 

I lean in.