Midnight Ramblings Of Your Fellow Idiot

Hello, it's 12:33 A.M., 1/3/2019.

I remember when I was just a little kid I was naive and ignorant to many things, things that we only understand as we get older and gain more experience in life. I remember how all of my day, every single day, would be spent playing with others. Of course, there was bullying within my class; but there were still those strange moments where the boys and girls you thought hated you will drop everything and run to help. It did not matter what type of family you had because everyone was welcome to play. Back in Ukraine, we lived in a big house and every summer, kids from the city would come down to my little down, visit their homes that were neglected all year. And we had fun. It was so easy for us back then to make friends. As a child (and I am sure this is the case for many other people) I did not care what I looked like,( maybe a little when my grandmother gave a hideous bowl haircut and strangers thought I was a boy) and I did not care what others looked like, I did not care where they came from, did not even know that racism was real.

But now that we are older it all has changed, hasn't it? Now people are stressed over the way they present themselves and create a whole different person behind the screens of our phones and computers. We either act like we don't care when we really do, we hurt others because of our own issues, we let jealousy get the best of us; think of all the times you have looked at a person who looks happy and confident and attractive, think of how many times you have thought that people like that are pretentious. Well, the poignant truth is that we are all pretentious, it has always been that way and it will keep on being. We worry about so many things that really don't matter because when we disappear, no one is going to care about the photos you posted online or what you wore, or how much you kissed someone's ass just to gain approval.

From being an optimist I grew up to be a mostly-pessimist. A moody teen that thinks she knows how life works or a deeper meaning to it, someone who is very unorganized and selfish.

I hate who I am today and I can't change that, I tried many times but I am constantly reminded of how unhappy I am. I am forced to leave that naive and ignorant child to die because we all let the little things pile up like a tower of glass and when it becomes too heavy that structure collapses; shattering into so many pieces that stab our heart and brain and remind us of how many problems we have. But the shards keep on multiplying as they break.

Tonight, like many other nights, my issue is loneliness.

P.S. I was adding the hashtags and cannot understand who the hell writes "Society" as "Socaity"