Death Beckons Me

From Me To Me

Note From Author: 

Hello, guys welcome to my first Wattpad story. Before you go any further I just wanted to let you all know that this particular passage isn't exactly a part of the story it is just something that I wrote while I was feeling extremely low and depressed. Being that this story is my attempt at getting these negative feelings out in a positive way I decided to add this passage in as a sort of introduction and allow you guys a very special glimpse into the mindset I had while writing this story. Without further ado, I hope you all enjoy my story and feel free to leave comments below as the story progresses. 

                                            Passage Starts Here: From Me To Me

Have you ever felt like giving up? Just closing your eyes and wishing everything would end? I have. Every day there's this deep dark pressure pushing at the center of my chest, crushing the sides of my brain. Every day I wake it gets worse. Every day I get closer and closer to making it end, permanently. I know what you're thinking, suicide is not the answer, but who are you to judge? Who are you to tell me that life is still worth living? That joy and happiness can still be obtained? If so, where is this elusive joy? I've searched for years, 28 to be exact, and have yet to find it. Instead, I've found loneliness, seclusion, ridicule, heartbreak and the saddest case of self-love I've ever seen.

Although I hate myself, hate the life I live, I still have the tiniest flicker of hope. Hope that one day I'll wake up and it will all get better. That everything will fall into place and the pain will ease and eventually fade away. That tiny flick, like looking up at a dark night sky and just seeing that one tiny star in the sky billions of miles away. I have come to realize that as unobtainable as that star may seem, as unreachable it may look; that tiny star, that spark of hope is the only thing that keeps me going. It's the only thing that pulls me out of the fog and keeps the darkness from swallowing me whole. The only thing that keeps my wretched heart beating. That tiny, small, seemingly insignificant light that other people take for granted or may not even notice is what fuels my body. It's what allows my lungs to draw in air, my heart to pump blood, my brain to send out signals. 

It's what allows my family to have someone they can talk to, interact with, instead of just an empty corpse. It's what allows me to live, to exist, to be. In short, that tiny light is my lifeline and without it..there is no me.