how you get the boy

nineteen

Louis was no longer in bed when I woke up the next morning. He was still in bed, however, about an hour ago when I stirred from my sleep, but now that I was completely awake, the spot next to me was vacant.

I sat up slowly, cursing myself as I felt the dull ache in the back of my head that I thought I could avoid started to take over. Looking at the slightly ajar door, I considered making a quick escape before Louis returned to his room but as soon as the thought crossed my mind, he appeared from the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist. I looked away, casting my gaze to the floor until he told me that he was fully dressed.

"Morning," he said rather gleefully as he moved around his room to pick up his dirty clothes. I looked at him, bewildered. And as though he could sense that I was somewhat confused by his behaviour this morning, which was a complete contrast of last night's, he shot me a smile. One that usually made my heart skip a beat, but didn't leave the intended effect anymore. The mattress sunk in as he sat down. "Taking a shower helped, you know."

This time, I didn't bother to hide my frown. I was truly amazed by his ability to dodge the elephant in the room. In fact, I was beginning to believe that he was much better than me when it came to avoiding something, which was a feat considering that I avoided a lot of things.

"We need to talk," I told him, surprising not only him but myself too. I didn't think I'd live to see the day where I initiated this sort of conversation, but it seemed like the day had come. Even though a part of me knew I was ready to hear whatever it was that would come out from his mouth, another part didn't quite agree. I was scared shitless, I had to admit, but I supposed it was fair that I felt this way.

"I know. I'm sorry about last night," he began, lips pressed together as he scanned my face. I must've looked upset because a sigh escaped his lips and an apologetic look took over his feature, "and I'm sorry about the day before. I was out of line; I.. I didn't regret taking you in as my flatmate, Tee. In fact, I never will."

It was when he's like this that made everything much more complicated for me. One minute I was so certain of my emotion, the next I was confused once again. It was as if the universe was testing me to see if I really knew myself and so far, I was failing it.

Granted, that didn't mean today I couldn't change the outcome.

I reminded myself that some time last night before I drifted to sleep, I'd made up my mind; I wasn't going to let Louis treat me like shit again. If there's one thing I learned in the past few weeks – apart from the fact that feelings could change – was that I deserved better although I'd grown to believe that I didn't.

"I like you, Tee, I really do," he said easily as if he hadn't just dropped a bomb on me. Reaching out, his fingers touched mine for just a few seconds, and then there was only empty space between us as I recoiled from his touch.

"No, you don't," I argued, my voice on the brink of breaking as I said those words. I swallowed the lump in my throat and continued, "S'not fair, you know. You can't say that to me if you don't mean it."

There were deep furrows in his brows, confirming me that he was confused and wasn't sure what I was getting at. Sure, few weeks ago or a month ago I would've been more than ecstatic to hear him say that he liked me, but now those three words felt nothing. They were empty words that he spoke to me just to pull me back to him after he was done pushing me away. The old me wouldn't have noticed this; I did now.

"What do you mean?" He questioned next.

I took a deep breath, feeling my heartbeats steadily increased as I looked straight into his blue eyes. "I love you, Lou. I've loved you for quite a while now and it's stupid, I know, because how could I love you when I've hardly talked to you before I moved in?" I paused, a rather mechanical laugh escaping my lips, "But that's the truth."