how you get the boy

twenty one

Louis was about to head out and get some lunch when I ran into him in the hallway. He was just as taken aback as I was when he saw me, but I wouldn't blame him, really. Just like him, I never thought that I'd have the courage to be here today. And although I'd convinced myself that I was ready the entire time I was driving, it turned out that I wasn't 100% ready to face Louis, let alone Harry. 60% maybe, because there wasn't any way that I would be prepared to have this conversation.

Alas, that didn't change the fact that I was done running and regardless what, I needed to talk to them today.

Even though my initial plan was to see Harry first so I could confirm my suspicion – a very important one, at that – I couldn't exactly say no to Louis when he asked me to tag along with him. Besides, I was hungry and I was desperate for a cup of coffee. So when Louis told me that the place he was heading to serve good coffee, I agreed without thinking twice.

Maybe I should talk to Louis first; after all, I did leave without giving him an explanation, one that he truly deserved.

As I sat in front of him, I realised that I didn't know how to begin. I tried to form string after string of words and yet none of them seemed to sound right to me. They either sounded insincere or superficial. Except for, "I'm sorry."

Louis removed his gaze from the screen of his mobile and casted it at me, eyebrows raised, "Hmm?"

"I'm sorry for leaving," I added, swallowing the lump in my throat. Under the table, I cracked my knuckles, one thing I noticed I did quite often when I was nervous and scared. "I'm sorry for not explaining to you why I really left in that note."

"S'fine," he said with a wave of his hand, "I mean it's a small paper, anyway, wouldn't have fit, would it?"

He was trying to inject some humour because the air between us was so tense that I was beginning to think I might go mental had I not start talking. Taking a deep breath, I offered him a smile and decided to go along with him, "Yeah, it wouldn't have fit."

He mirrored my smile. Then, with a nonchalant shrug, he said, "Besides, Harry told me where you went."

"He did?" I couldn't help the surprise in my tone. The last time I heard, they hadn't talked to each other in weeks. "You've talked to him?"

"Yeah," he nodded, scratching his jaw as though he was mulling over what to say next, "We, uh, realised that we should've been more mature about this whole thing, y'know, so we made peace. We've been mates since I moved in, anyway, so."

Though he didn't say it, the fact that I had ruined their friendship didn't slip my mind as it bounced from one corner of my brain to the other. Again and again I was reminded of their fight – the one they had in our flat because Louis had refused to apologise to me for what he said – and of the destruction I'd caused afterwards.

"Stop," Louis said suddenly, snapping me out from my trance. I looked up, straight into his piercing blue eyes. "S'not your fault that Harry and I had a bit of a fall out, Tee. We were both selfish and I sorta saw it coming."

"It is," I countered with a sigh as I ran my fingers through my hair out of frustration. Louis didn't understand the guilt I'd been carrying around on my shoulders nor did he understand that no matter what he would say, it wouldn't change the fact that I was to be blamed for everything. Me and my inability to do things right. "It is my fault. If it weren't for me, none of these would happen. And I-I feel like things will never be the same again."

Louis seemed to notice my shaking hands because next thing I knew, his warm hand covered mine and he gave me a gentle, reassuring squeeze. It made me feel slightly better. "'Course it won't, but that's alright, you know?" he paused, offering me a smile so warm that for a moment I wondered if that was one of the reasons why I fell in love with him. Maybe it was. "I'm sure we've all learned something out of this and even if we've lost some, that's okay."