tear

first chapter : St. Peterburgs Beauty

I close my eyes and try to focus on my breathing.
"I am going to throw up, dad", I laugh as he inhales and exhales with me.
"It's okay. Just don't do it on my notebook", he laughs and gives me a barf bag.

"Ou come on, Alex, I told you it's a long flight", he says a little more serious.
"I am really happy you took me with you. I really want to see Russia", I whisper happily and ignore the young man staring at me. Just because I act like a child? I am happy, get a life boy.

"Look away, jerk", I whisper and take out my phone. But as I take a closer look at him, I notice that he is quite handsome. His blue eyes are not afraid to look in mine. I blush and look away. But the next moment I catch myself staring at him again.
His black sweater is just beautiful.
As he pulls his blonde hair with his right hand I notice a tattoo. Seriously?

Just because it says faith doesn't make it's not stupid. I guess his chest is full of tattoos too.

Okay ... would you please stop thinking about this man's body?

The whole flight I ran to the toilet. I hate planes. And I hate flying. I am scared Never mind.
I love Russia. And now I am sitting on the plane which brings us to St Petersburg!

I feel like it's gonna help me. With everything. Just knowing I'm wide away from home.
"Please tell me this isn't an illusion"
Amazed I look out of the window next to me and can't take my eyes of the beautiful city full of lights.
The sky is getting darker and it makes this view even more gorgeous than it already is.

"The hotel! We should check in", I tell my father as we arrive at the airport entrance.
"Yes, here is the address. I have a business dinner. You can take a taxi for which I'll pay. I'm coming back at midnight or something. So don't wait for-"
"You already told me. Don't treat me like I'm fourteen", I interrupt him.

He takes one of my suitcases.
"I know you like it here, Alex. But I'm in a hurry", my dad tears me out of my thoughts.
I get in the taxi while he puts the suitcases in the trunk.
Everything happens really fast. Well, maybe because I couldn't sleep because of my stupid sick felling.

My dad opens the car door and gives me a kiss on the cheek. I rub my face after him what makes him laugh.
"Please take care of yourself, Alex", he says worriedly.

I nod and smile at him. It's a stressful business thing he's doing here.
It's a miracle I could convince him to take me to St Petersburg.
"Before you meet all your boring business men and y'all have a boring business dinner in a boring but expensive restaurant", I explain and he laughs
"I want to thank you. I am really grateful I can be here with you"

He smiles and closes the car door.
As we leave I lean my head against the car window.
"Radisson Royal hotel, please", I say and look in the little car mirror.
The taxi driver smiles and starts the motor.
I admire the many laterns and colourful churches we pass while sitting in the taxi.

The streets are so wide and the dark blue sky reflects in it. It starts to rain. I smile and hold my finger against the glass and follow a little raindrop. Just like a tear.

The people start to open their umbrellas. Some of them are dark and the children have pink or green ones.
"Fuck", I whisper as I realize my umbrella is on the bottom of my suitcase.

Ugh, never mind...

I take a look at my watch. 9:56

"I hope you have a good night", the driver yells as I take out my stuff.
"So do I", I smile and turn around.
A man comes into my direction. Without saying a word he takes my suitcases.
"Okay then. Thank you", I laugh silently and follow him.
I strip my wet shoes on the carpet.

"Good evening", I salute the woman behind the counter.
"My name is Alex Winter. Me and my dad have a room here"

"Miss Winter. Yes. Your keycard", she says with a Russian accent.
I take it and smile. I know how stressful it is to talk to someone who speaks another language. Ask me, I was in France two fucking times.

"Спасибо (spasibo)", I answer, which is one of the few words I know since yesterday. Means thank you or something. Well she nods with a smile, so I guess she got it.

I follow another woman who leads me to a lift. It's a little cringe because I can't speak russian and don't really know what to say.

"Thank you so much. Now could you please bring me a teapot", I ask and let my ass meet this wonderful bed.

"Which tea would you like, Miss"
I look at her with a grin on my lips.
"I have my own packs witch me"

She seems confused but then leaves.
Oh boy, so this is impolite? Bringing my own damn tea. I don't need your expensive shit.

My body falls on the white bed linen.
This is wonderful. For the first time in my life I feel so damn happy. I don't want to hear from my mom or from my friends. This city makes my heart feel so good.

I open the beautiful curtains and take a look at the city. Well, the view is amazing. The dark blue night isn't as black as it is in San Francisco. I mean it's beautiful there but I also hate it.
The same streets, the same cars, the same people. But here... I feel like I can be whoever I want to be right now.

I look at the two beds. I'll leave him the bed at the window. He loves it.

I unlock my phone and check my Instagram. A friend tagged me in a picture. I sight and lock it again.

I am really happy to be out of this zoo of snakes.

My father pays the college which I'm going to choose. He is rich but also the kindest person you will ever meet. His business is pure stress and I always try to calm him down or make him laugh. But the most time he makes me laugh.

In this moment I hear a phone ring. I jump up and search it. In the personal Hall is a phone on a little table with some flowers. I couldn't even take of my clothes..

"Winter", I answer and wonder who it could be.
Ah, maybe it's the lady who couldn't understand, I have my own tea.

"Here are people who want to see you, Miss. They are here in the reception", a female voice says and I get nervous. Is it the wrong hotel? Am I too stupid to check in a hotel?

"Thank you", I say with a little crack in my voice. I hang up and leave the hotel room.

This time I take the stairs because I feel a dizziness and my heart pumps blood into my head. Suddenly I feel so empty and broken.

I almost run downstairs. As I enter the reception there are four men staring at me. All of them with a badge.
'ФСБ'

What the hell does that mean?
One of them says something I don't understand. Obviously in russian.

"FSB Miss. Are you Alex Winter, daughter of John Winter?", the same man asks.
I can't form my mouth to a word so I just nod.

"I am really sorry, Miss Winter. Your father just had a terrible car accident", another younger guy says and comes to me.
"No, no", I whisper and tear my hair.
"In which hospital is he? When is he going to be okay? Why -"

"Alex, your father died"

Slowly my hands slide over my hair back down where they just hang.
I can't even cry. I just stand there and stare at the floor.

One of the men holds my arm and brings me to a seat. I can't even feel it. Why do I feel nothing? It hurts so much. So much I can't feel anything.

It feels like he's coming back from his dinner pretty soon and laughing because it was boring. And tell me I have to go to college to graduate and earn money because it's important.
But now he is dead. He died...
My father isn't gone or left the family. He is dead

To be continued