Scared of Him

I don't know if I'll ever understand

Lindsey's P.O.V

"Don't you lie to me," Lucas warned. He barged in my house and now he's going off on me about not texting him back Oh gosh! Here comes the beating. "You know what happens when you lie to me." It happens either way! I thought in my head. "I'm telling you the truth," I answered in my defense "You know I wouldn't lie to you." He slapped me across the face with the back of his hand, causing  me to move my head to the side. I gasped, covering with my hand the part of me he had just hurt. He stood there just glaring at me like I had done something wrong. "I told you not to lie to me," Lucas said. I looked at him with tears in my eyes "I'm not lying! I fell asleep doing homework okay! I'm sorry if it made you mad, but I can't help it! Please don't hit me!" He just stood there shaking his head. Lucas had a cold look on his face as he pushed me against the wall with his hands around my neck. I felt him squeeze my neck, making it hard for me to breathe. Not only was he squeezing the breath out of me, but he was practically squeezing the tears out of my eyes. I was scared. The only thing I could do was think Is this how I will live the rest of my life? Is this the end? Or will he spare me to make me go through another painful beating in another day? He was starting to lift me up against the wall. Suddenly, he let go and I fell on the floor landing on my side. But, it didn't stop there. I layed there for a moment gasping for breath. Then, Lucas started kicking me in the stomach. I covered my stomach with my arms as best as I could to stop the pain in one place. One of his kicks eventually got me on the top of my head. I tried to move myself but he continued. One kick went to my face, then everything was black.

        I don't know how long it was until I woke up, but I was curled up in a ball still laying on the living room floor. I was cold and in pain. All my senses started to adjust. I started to hear the television Wtf?! It wasn't on when Lucas came over! Pushing through the pain, I got up. I silenty walked over to see who could be sitting on the sofa. It was Lucas. "Lin," he said. The sound of his voice made me jump. How did he notice me? "Do you have anything to drink?" He was in a polite mood. It was usual for him to be polite as a guest or just not be here after he was done beating me. It was always weird for me but I still responded saying "Yeah. We have water, apple juice, coke, and milk. Anything?" He just sighed "Water I guess." I instantly went to go fetch him a glass of water. Along the way, I noticed parts of my arms were purple. As soon as that was noticed, the pain became noticeable too. I cringed but quickly recovered and ignored the pain. I walked back into living room. Lucas had not moved from his place. I stood behind the sofa as I held out the glass of water near his face. As soon as he noticed it, he snatched it from my hand. Instantly, I pulled my hand away. I retreated to the kitchen and sat in one of the chairs at the dining table, thinking about what had just happened. All of a sudden, I realized it was quiet. I walked back to the living room. The tv was off. Wtf?! Did he just leave and not realize it?! I looked towards the door. There was a note. What a weirdo. I ripped it off the door. It said: Babe you fell asleep at the table so I just decided to leave you this note and say see you around. Love you -Lucas

Seriously, this is weird. Like wake me up and say it to me. Yeah, he just beat me and all but I'd rather him do that than talk crap behind my back. I just hate it when people get fake and shady and all that. It bothers me so much, I can't even associate with those type of people. I just stood there staring at the note. Its hard to know what to think of this. Its been going on for so long, its hard to know what to feel. Maybe I'm numb. I just crumpled up the paper and threw it without looking where. I went up to my room. Went straight to the bathroom and stripped to see the damage. Bruises on my arms, stomach, and legs. There was a bump on my head the size of coal! Ick. I also had a black eye. Oh Gosh! Its horrible! I decided to change into this . After I brushed my hair, I went downstairs to put ice on my bump and my eye. For some reason, the aftermath of his beatings always surprise me. I don't know if I'll ever get over it. I don't know if I'll ever be done. I don't know why I stick around. It seems like he hates me more than loves me. But I still love him with all my heart. I don't know why. I don't know if I'll ever understand. Its ridiculous and just not normal. Just lately, I'm not so sure if I do love him forever and ever like I used to say. I wouldn't exactly say he's mine because it seems more like I'm his...property. I hate this. The sleepover made me realize how bright I shined without him. I'm smart. I can choose to go away. But, I'm not sure if I can do that to him. Or me. I don't know. My thoughts were interrupted when some freezing water went down my face. I dropped both bags of ice. Little did I realize how much my hands hurt from the cold. They were really red too. Maybe I have  a shrinking attention span, I thought as I looked at a window. It was dark already. I went up to my room anyways. I closed the door and looked down at myself. Sweats are fine to sleep in, I thought, feeling too lazy to change. I turned on my nightlights and got under the covers. For a while, I wasn't tired. I was scared awake. For a long time, I thought Why me? Eventually, I cried myself to sleep. Who knows what the Holy day will bring?