The Hockey Player...

Chapter 7

When i got home that night I didn't want to talk to my dad. But there he sat. "Hey dad," i said quietly.

"Honey, what's the matter?'' he questioned.

That's when everything went crashing down. I threw my bag on the floor and said, "I don't know what to do. I mean i. . . i'm in like with him. but he went and lied and played my heart like  the rest and i'm scared." 

My dad queitly whispered in my ear, "Do what's best for you and your heart, all the rest will fall into place."

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I took a long cold shower. I didn't want to get out. The tears just kept coming and coming and they wouldn't stop. I don't understand why he would do such a thing. Was i that stupid. 

I got out of the shower, and dried off. I put on my pajamas and laid in bed. It was two in the morning and I hadn't gotten any sleep after my mom's accident. And when i did i had nightmares about it. The only time i didn't was with Byran and I hadn't been with him alone since our one month anniversary. 

My eyes started to slide shut when there was a scratching at my balcony window.  Like the chicken i was i hid under the covers, because we all know we are safe under the covers. I heard the door open quietly and the footsteps of whoever it was came towards my bed. I knew it was now or i was going to die. So i threw off my covers and attacked the person standing at my bed side. 

I tried to punch them in the face, and in the gut but they were strong. Then all of a sudden i heard my name. . . it shouldn't have surprised me as much as it did. Before i knew it i was on my back pinned to the floor, trying to kick my way out. 

"Hayden. Stop it. It's me Byran!"

"Mother of the Lord. Jesus Christ. What the hell are you doing?"

"I was coming to talk to you, but you went all ninja on me," he whispered still on top of me.

"Why didn't you call or I don't know be normal and knock on the front door," I said pushing him off. I got up and started to walk to my door.

"Hayden look at me." Grabbing me by the shoulder he turned me around and made me face him.

"What?" I asked.

"I just wanted to ask you something."

"And it couldn't wait until tomorrow?"

"No," he said with a shake of his head.

"Fine what is it?"

He looked deep into my eyes and asked, "What's wrong? For real."

"Nothing," I looked down and played with my hands trying to avoid his eyes. "I'm just stressed with everything that's going on."

"I can tell you are lying," he said.

"Oh really," I said looking up at him. "How? Tell me oh wise one."

"You can't look me in the eye, you're fidgety and you get really defensive when you're nervous."

"I do not!"

"See."

There was a moment of silence between us and I couldn't help but look up at him. His eyes were still green, but dull, like he was upset. His nose was red like he was sick, and his lips were frowning. Overall he looked. . . tired. Almost as if he hasn't slept in awhile. Like me. 

"You're right," I said suddenly. "Something is wrong. But not what you think."

"What do you mean?"

"Something is wrong with us."

"What's wrong with us?" he asked confused.

"Byran. . ." I trailed off shaking my head. "You lied to me. I trusted you and you became exactly what all my other ex-boyfriends are. A liar. Maybe even a cheater. . . i'm not even sure anymore."

"What are you talking about? I never lied to you Hayden!!"

"That's not what they said. They said you always date the new girl. And always tell them that you're a doing better in school and hockey and all that bullshit you told me." I was furious, he could honestly look me in the eye and lie to me. I trusted him so deeply, and he told me lies.

"Hayden, listen to me. I did not lie to you. You have made me do better at a lot of things. I may have said that I do better at hockey and my school work with those other girls, but they're not you. I am still doing better at hockey, and school. But you've also changed me to become a better human being. You've made me see what an asshole I've been to others, even my brother at times. You'be made me see that the world doesn't revolve around me, and that I can do great things with my life if I put in the effort." He stops, trying to get me to look at him. I can barely keep my eyes open, the tears are building in my eyes, and all I want is for them to be gone. To not even be there in the first place.

"Hayden," he states again, "You are honest to god one of the best things to ever happen to me. And if we just talk this out, I'm sure it will be okay. We can be okay. Please say we're going to be okay." The sound of desperation rolls through my room like a thunder cloud, almost ready to rain.

I let my eyes travel up Byran's legs, his hands, his arms, his necks, towards his face. I looked into his dazzling blue eyes, and couldn't help but shed the tears in my eyes.

"Honestly," I state slowly, "You are also one of the greatest things to ever happen to, but. . . "I trail off, looking back towards the ground. Byran's head dips low to try and catch my eyes once again. "But," I continue, "I can't look at you without seeing betrayal, and deceit."

"Hayden," Byran starts, "Please don't. . . "

I interrupt saying, "And I think, for right now, the best thing for you to do is leave me be. And let me process this information."

"Hayden, please don't do this. Please, I need you in my life," he steps closer to me, grabbing my hand.

"Byran," I state calmly, taking my hand back, and look up into his eyes. "I know this seems hard to do right now, and I understand completely that it hurts, because I am hurting too. But I've been lied to my whole life, and I've had to keep secrets from people that I love, and it killed me. So, if you want this to have any chance of working, please give me space. Please just give me that right now, and I promise we will talk about this more. Okay?"

His eyes search my face, looking for some sort of sign that I'm lying, but he won't find anything there. I can feel my heart sinking lower into my chest, like it's trying to hide from scrutiny on Byran's face.

He finally says, "Okay. If that's what you need, I'll go."

He approaches me with his hands raised, like he's trying to tame a wild animal, and gently presses a kiss to my forehead, then turns, and walks out of my door. I listen to his footsteps grow faint. With each passing second, I feel my life shaking out of control. With each passing second, my heart grows louder, and I can't help but think if I've made a big mistake.