“Do you ever feel like breaking down? Do you ever feel out place? Like somehow you just don’t belong and no one understands you... Welcome to my life.” – Welcome to my Life, Simple Plan.
This had been the theme song of a simple fourth year high school girl. She’s not that popular but had a couple of friends to make her happy and raise her up when she’s down. She was studying at San Francisco High School and it is located at Bago Bantay, Quezon City. She’s not that very good academically but serious enough to finish her studies at the right time.
In their school, they have this thing called ‘electives’ wherein they’re choosing their subject in TLE – whether Foreign Language, Panitik, Journalism, Food Service, Drafting, ICT, etc. – and the class was composed of different sections. This girl really loves to write. Writing is her first love actually. She’s been writing some poems and random stuffs so obviously, she picked Journalism or Scroll as they call it. Her friends in second year high school picked it too but as years went by, some of her friends was transferred in other section and others was transferred in different schools so in her section (section Cooperation), she was the only one who’s taking Scroll. All her scroll classmates were section Compassion.
It was like hell after that. It may sounds exaggerated but she really lost interest in her studies. You may be asking why so here’s the answer, she felt isolated. This girl is naturally introvert and shy. She’s scared of what may people think of her. She’s scared that what if this person doesn’t like her personality? What if they just don’t want to show that they really don’t like her?
She tried to open this problem up to her close friends but it seems that her friends didn’t take this seriously so she just hid this on herself alone. She hid it all behind her smile and behind her smile was a world of pain.
One time, she just walked in in their library (where they’re doing their Scroll classes) and all her classmates was in only one long table so she didn’t know where to put herself and decided to go back to their room instead. Who is she to insist herself to them anyway?
In life, we have two different paths to choose. First is a free path wherein you just do whatever you want on your own, with your own strength and never mind everything else as long as you're happy. The other one is a dreadful path wherein you let others to be the reason of your own failures. You tried to stand but not enough to overcome such challenges. It’s your choice to pick which path you like to take.
It’s just happened this girl I’m talking about is susceptible. Her vulnerability ruined her so unconsciously, she travelled the dreadful path. She started to have absences in that subject – which supposedly her favorite – at the middle of the year and of course, her grade was affected. It started to fall by one point…then two points. She also tried to make a story up like she had stomach ache, head ache, etc. just to escape hell. I mean school. But her mother didn’t let her to. If only her mother knew what she was going through…
These troubles dragged her down. She was always crying for almost every night. She always cries herself to sleep. She was silently shouting to God, “Lord, why do these stupid things happening to me?” “What do you want to teach me?” “Please give me the strength to push through my high school life.” These are the times when she finally realized why people commit suicide because of depression because she herself experienced it. She was like one last step to depression. “What if I just died tonight? Wouldn’t it be better?” Her thoughts, her feelings, her mind was eating her alive every night. But contrarily, she likes night. Why? Because it is the only time wherein she can express herself through crying secretly. Yes, secretly because even her parents didn’t know what she was going through those times.
Problems and agony are like oceans. They’re deep, dark and bigger than all of us. But there is this Guy who’s bigger than everything else. This Guy she questioned about her struggles is bigger and greater than all anguish. This Guy is none other than our sovereign Father.
Oh wait, I forgot. There is also this third path and is the most powerful of all the three. This is the holy path wherein you just don’t have to worry because you know that you’re secured and there is this God who is bigger than the problems which you may think are the biggest, just trust Him. “…in all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your path straight.” – Proverbs 3:6.
She realized that she really cannot do it with herself alone. She forgot that these problems are just temporary but her Father is eternal. She knows that He really helped her because if He didn’t, she might be a suicidal now or worst, she might just a memory now. I’m just so proud of this girl because she didn’t give up. She graduated without self-harming or something. People may not see that she was trying to overcome her introversion but at least, high school is done. Yes, she haven’t overcome that monster who is swallowing her but with the help of her Father, she’s doing some moves to finally shoo it away and not just that, but also to kill it at last.
You’re may be curious on whom I am talking about. Well, her name is Jeselle Tarin. She’s now a college student in Polytechnic University of the Philippines and doing her best to be a successful person. You’re right, it’s me.
I can smile even though I am being hurt. I can find happiness even though I am unhappy. It’s called strength. Everyone has it, just not enough unless we ask help to God.
PS. Don't mock a pain that you haven't endured.
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Moments I Captured
Non-Fiction"I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry." - Unknown So this work is just all about my experiences, my views, my life. I hope that as you guys read this, you'll reali...
