The Bucket List

“Melissa? Sweetheart? Are you awake? I made breakfast! Your favorite; double chocolate pancakes and fruit salad!” And there goes my mother, trying to coax me out of my room.

“Mom, I’m trying to wallow in self-pity! Stop being so damn happy!” I yell back.

Okay, so maybe that was a little harsh, but I had my reasons. I was dying after all.

My guess is you’re a little confused right now and, to be honest, I am too.

Three days ago I was diagnosed with Atypical Teratoid Rhabdoid Tumor or AT/RT for short. In case you are curious I have my own personal belief as to what AT/RT stands for. I believe it is an acronym for Awesomely Terrificly Ridiculous Teenager. Anyway, AT/RT is a tumor that is found in the Central Nervous system. Symptoms include: headaches, vomiting, fatigue and ataxia (all symptoms I had and still have.) So, if you have constant headaches, are vomiting, exhausted, or walk unsteadily, odds are you have the flu. Why? Because only thirty or so cases of AT/RT are discovered each year. Yes, that means I'm not just one in a million, but almost one in a billion. How cool am I?! I just had the unfortunate luck of being diagnosed with a disease that provides me with, about, a 17% chance of survival and that’s if I go through the treatments. Oh, did I tell you that I’m not going through with the treatments?

Reason(s) TO get treated:

-I might live

Reason(s) NOT to get treated:

- I would probably die either way

- treatment is expensive

-it’s unnatural

As you can see, the NOT list has many more valid points. This is why I will not be receiving treatment. Yes, that means I will most likely die, cue the pity-parties. By not going through with the treatment the chances of living through this and getting to tell my story to others is, well, let’s just say I have six months to complete the Bucket List. You know, the one that people have to complete before they die? That one. THE Bucket List.

In case you all were wondering, this is what I have on my list so far:

Visit Australia/Great Barrier Reef

Swim with Dolphins

Sleep under the stars

Fall asleep in my boyfriends arms

Get kissed in the rain

Oh gosh. This isn’t good. I’m turning soft and romantic. Better stop writing this list for today.

_________________________________________________________________________________

“MEL! GET YOUR BUTT OUT HERE!!” My brother screams from outside my door, waking me up from the first peaceful slumber I’ve had in days.

“Ohmygawsh. Whad in da werld do ya want?” I mumble incoherently into my pillow.

“Your boyfriend. He’s here. Now come greet him. Now,” he says pronouncing each syllable as though he’s talking to a four year-old.

Crap. Crap. Crap! I think to myself as I hurriedly climb out of bed. I throw on a crop top and a pair of sweat pants, then quickly run my fingers through my hair. I’m running downstairs to the living room only seconds after my brother had told me he was here. I walk towards the living room, but stop shortly when I realize my boyfriend, Luke, is standing just inside the door.

“Um, hey? You do know you can come sit in the living room, right?” I ask him, confused.

“Actually, Melissa, we need to talk,” he says nervously.

And that’s when I realize, there will be no kissing in the rain, falling asleep in his arms, under the stars. Instead, I’ll be able to cross heartbreak off my list. As soon as I think that I hear him say, “we’re over,” and he walks out the door.

I don’t know how long I stare at the door all I know is over the course of a few days I found out I had cancer, I’m dying, and I no longer have a boyfriend. My life, yeah, it sucks.