Marilyn Manson oneshots!

coma black {maniggy,90's}

(A/N: trigger warning, thoughts of suicide/depressive intentions.)

Mansons POV;
warm skin caressed my cold and dead side.
"beautiful." he spoke into my ear, sending shivers down my spine.

tears ran down my cheeks, onto his. what if this is all a joke, what if this is my time, my time to die. my time to crumble, let my whole body turn into ash, into trash. a forgotten man that relied on shock instead of talent, sure, maybe i was intelligent but that's all i had, and what's that prove? that i can think more than the average dumbass? i am shy, and inside my mind i was trapped. i thought that this life i have planned would help everything, sure it's helped, i guess. but there's no real escape to this pain. concerts, drugs, love, they're all temporary. highs wear off, concerts finish, love ends, leaving you emptier than ever. all combined together is when the pain really hits. jeordies hands ran through my stringy hair and i wrapped my arms around his torso in our bed. the way i was feeling was indescribable, maybe a sense of dissociation, distance from the real world and real body you're inside. i felt like a ghost. nothing more than a few scares and it's over, i was nothing. oh, i did this, i did that, all rumors, all truth sometimes, all shock value. that's who i am and not many others consider me anything other than a 'shock rocker.' it's something i want, but not all i want to be.

"jeordie, i need you to let me do this." i signaled what i meant,
"yes."
i smacked him as hard i could in the face. repeatedly. i punched him in the gut, i made him cry for me. this wasn't a sexual thing, he would let me do it when i was this upset, it released anger inside of me, i wasn't proud of this, but it was mutually consented. it made him feel better, letting me let my anger out on him instead of myself. i kissed him all over, rubbed and soothed every part of his body, especially with his face and stomach. i left bruises all over his face.
"i'm so sorry baby, i love you so much"
"i love you too, Brian. you make me feel valuable." i didn't want to think this was toxic, but it was, to some degree. it was rare i would do this to him, and never without consent, so maybe it was fine? not to me, i felt guilty afterwards but in the moment it was relieving.

"do you feel better, sweetheart?"
concern filled his voice, i felt a little safer at least, knowing he was here no matter what.
"kinda, i want your love." i said. i didn't mean sex, i meant comfort, complete safety. loving words and actions.
"babygirl, come here." i was pulled closer to him, he kissed me all over my face. wiping my tears away.
"it'll be alright, shhhhh, babygirl i love you so much." i love feeling small in the sense of being in my lovers arms, letting him baby me, giving me gestures and calling me names as if i were a little girl, it was comforting and made me feel innocent.
"i love you so much." my voice was cold. i sounded dead.

the dialogue dimmed, before turning completely silent. blackness and breaths filled the room beyond that point, he continued holding me close into his arms. he let me kiss him everywhere, not leaving a place untouched. my hair still twirled into his fingers, he knew how to make me feel submissive.
i told him to flip around, he obeyed. i began to rub circles into his back, hearing him breathe in and exhale out. i rubbed all over his back, shoulders, neck, thighs, savoring the moment of complete relaxation. hearing him sweetly and softly breathe while letting little squeaks out from my touch made me feel a lot better about myself, knowing that i can bring a sense of peace into someone's life, knowing that Jeordie didn't hate me, for if he did, he'd be gone. whilst rubbing him still, the thoughts became lighter, the pain dulled and that's when i started laughing obnoxiously.
"are you feeling better babygirl?" he spoke under me,
"yes! come here daddy" i got off of him and let him pull me into his lap, he laid against the bed post while continuing to have me in his arms, he kissed my neck and wrapped blankets around us,
"i hate seeing you sad."
"mmmm" i said in a low, girlish tone.
we laid there together before we drifted to sleep in each others arms.