Paint Blood on My Stars

I Feel So Much

The cold wind bit against Nico di Angelo's porcelain skin, but he couldn't seem to notice. Not when the most beautiful art was painted on a canvas he could be a part of. He could be inside of. But the stars shown too bright to be paint. Too beautiful for even the best of illustrators to be able to recreate.

His tank hugged his chest and back, sticking to him, as if vowing to fight against the cold, but he purposely hadn't brought his jacket; he didn't need it.

The khakis rolled up against his thighs, but this is the best he'd felt in a while. He wasn't an open type of person, and was still disappointed in his sister and her choices, but with his old life thrown out the window and him plopped into a war, he needed some relax time. The war had just ended, and he was leaving soon, but Percy had been able to convince him one more night. Of course, he could just shadow-travel himself away, but Percy and Annabe-... his girlfriend wanted to see him goodbye tomorrow morning, and so he agreed. He was just a sucker for ... all of Percy that way.

And it was just so hard for him to say no to Annabeth and that precious look on her face. He wanted to hate her, to tear her apart, to be cruel and show no mercy, to destroy her with his powers and just... unleash all of his hate on her, but he couldn't. She was just... so smart and kind and funny and just so... Annabeth, and he couldn't help but like her, because she was just so.... likable, and he could do nothing but envy her, and tell her she was lucky. He wanted to wait to see if she'd break Percy's heart, and to make her endure the most painful death when she did, but he knew her to well. Knew she wouldn't do that. Knew she would never do that. Knew... that he didn't have a chance.

It was hard seeing the two together. Nico's hopeless little heart couldn't help but burst in his chest every time he saw Percy laugh... laugh with his girlfriend. Nico couldn't help but cry when Percy slung his arm over her neck, held her hand in his or slithered it around her waist, or caressed her cheek, or kissed her...

Salty silent droplets trailed down his cheeks leaving tear-tracks behind as they fell from his chin down onto the roof space between his crossed legs. He didn't even wipe them away and just let them fall; there was no point; it would just leave more of a mess on his face and bare arms.

It just hurt. Too much to handle. He should hate him, hate his guts. He was the reason Bianca was dead. If Percy just kept his promise...

He promised to try. To try. He never said he would, but said he would try. And when he found out that Bianca had only shown herself for Percy...

He should've been furious. He should've thrown a fit because he just lost the last living human being in his family, but he couldn't be angry. He just couldn't find the energy or the want to be angry at him. Because all those imperfections that made up the perfect hero Percy Jackson were too lovable to hate, too adorable to be mad at, to stay mad at.

Percy made him feel so weird, so out of place and character, and he was just so angry at himself for feeling this way to such a stupid yet beautiful boy. He couldn't even say handsome the way Annabeth did behind Percy's back because he just wasn't. He just wasn't. He was beautiful. There were no other words for it. He was just too beautiful to deserve any less. To deserve him.

That beautiful, loyal, selfless boy that gave up immortality for his own freaking girlfriend. The one who had saved the world because he loved the cruel people on it too much to see it destroyed. The one Nico saw almost every damned moment and thought crap, I'm standing in front the Lord himself.

The same one Nico had been crying over. Wailing over. Swooning over. Screaming over. Killing over. The same one he would follow into the depths of Hell for over and over and over again.