This Virtual Diary

the gossip (#03)

01-08-19 | Tuesday

1:39 PM

Heey! 

Okay, so I just broke a pillow. It's a square throw pillow with pom poms on the edges and now one of them is broken. I kinda ripped it off. My parents won't mind though. After all, it's just Y.B's pillow that she left behind.

Right now I am torn between books. I tried reading 'Navigating the Stars' by Maria V. Snyder and I'm only roughly forty pages in. I tried hard not to fall asleep. I don't know, I really love Maria's books, especially the Study Series, but this one is too sci-fi for me and I feel like I'm betraying Maria by not enjoying her books!! 

So I was thinking about Vicious by V.E Schwab. I love V.E Schwab! Their writing style is so poetic, smooth, so detailed but not over the top to make you snore. I really wish I could write like them. But Vicious, it's protagonist is a male, and don't get me wrong, I have nothing against males, but I'm always so sceptical about them because I've read so many female protagonists that it's hard to be versatile with all genders. Even though I've read such good books with male protagonists (ahem The Seven Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle ahem).

You probably wouldn't find this little entry interesting, but the day's not over yet and I'm going to go do some other stuff. Online, of course. Goodbye!

-P.N

(signed off 1:50 PM. a small entry, and probably a fruitless one. oh well, i guess??)

9:29 PM

Hi! I'm back from watching How to Train Your Dragon 3. It was a great movie with a trash ending.

But that's not what we're here to talk about. I'm here to talk about my parents. You see, yesterday, I heard my parents in their room talking loudly. Maybe an argument? I wasn't sure. Then Dad came out of their room and I heard Mum talking to someone on the phone. After a while, I decided to go to sleep. I said goodnight to my Dad and asked him who Mum was talking to. He said that she was talking to one of our uncles; more specifically, Mum's brother. Okay. That was normal enough. 

I was going to my bedroom and caught snippets of their conversation. So I didn't exactly eavesdrop, just trying to discreetly listen from far away, not ear-against-the-wall kinda mojo. Her voice sounded hoarse. Like she was going to cry. I heard something like, "I don't know. But I'll try to be there for the kids, you know, I'll try to be there for them no matter what." And then she sniffed. 

I had no idea what was happening. So I just went to sleep.

Now today, after we finished our movie and was waiting for Dad and H.S (my younger sister) to finish the Aquaman movie. While we were waiting, I asked my Mum, "What were you talking to uncle about on the phone?"

She said this.

I can't remember the whole of it, but I got the gist.

Oh, my Mum. For so many months now, she's been acting... gloomy. On some days, she'll be fine, but on some other days, she'd be quiet, feeble. It's because her insecurities got the best of her, and she'd be scared that my Dad was having an affair with someone. She'd even have these nightmares of our Dad cheating on her and would wake up crying. Sounds so... sad, I know. But I know, we know, that our Dad would never, ever do that.

I'll get more into that later, but we'll talk about it this thing right now. My Dad texted our uncle, "Wife's crazy. Need to talk urgently". Then he went into the shed and started talking to our uncle. My Mum asked him why, and Dad said "we were talking about you" bluntly. 

This made my Mum really upset. And she didn't want to talk to our uncle, but she decided to anyway to justify the situation, in a way. I don't know, It's complicated. That's the most I can remember. It's so batshit crazy, this 'drama' with our parents.

I know, you're thinking, "your dad is giving major red flags" but that's not it. My Dad, he is wise, loving and affectionate, but on the other hand, he can be irrational and impulsive. It's stuck with him for many years. 

I wish my Mum would be happier. Would see what an amazing person she is. I just want it all to go away. It's like she's been like this ever since Y.B ran away. I bet she never knew the mess she created for our family. All the jeopardy she caused, all the rumours that have been spreading around. 

I wonder, sometimes, if Mum and Dad know that when they're fighting, they're hurting us kids too? Is that selfish to wonder? Is the answer obvious? I wish they'd never argue like this. Sure, they argued in the past, but it didn't last long and problems were resolved eventually. But fights like these, all this drama, all this involvement with other family members, it's becoming something bigger. 

You see, we have this... 'Asian' community I guess you could put it. We are a small group of Asians, a minority group, I think you call it. So all people who originally speak the same dialect as us, are considered family. 

Once my Dad tells someone this, it's going to spread in our community. 

I don't know, I just don't know. This is confusing. I hope our family heals. 

-P.N

(signed off 10:04 PM. a 'long' entry i guess it is. damn, i didn't expect to write that)