This chapter is a bonus point of view from Hadley and takes place shortly after chapter 30 of Becoming Girly. Please note that there are minor spoilers regarding Toby below, so read it at your own risk!
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
It was cold and I was tired. And after seeing Axel with Holly, all I wanted to do was go home. I didn't know what I was expecting when I asked to speak to Axel. A part of me half-expected Axel to agree. After all, I had convinced myself that he was only dating Holly as a rebound. Or that Holly had only agreed to date him as some sort of revenge against me for getting together with Toby all those years ago.
But seeing them together tonight was a punch in my stomach. I hadn't remembered the last time Axel had looked at me the way he had looked at Holly. For months before our eventual break-up, Axel had been distant. Ignoring my texts, telling me he was busy with soccer and homework when I knew he wasn't. He just didn't want to spend as much time with me as when we had first started dating.
It was stupid, really. Here I was, still upset over a silly high school boy when I could get anyone I wanted to. But I didn't want anyone else. Or at least, I told myself I didn't want anyone else. And then there was Tommy and that kiss at the aquarium and the whole truth about what a mess I had made out of my life had come out. I groaned. The more I tried, the less I actually succeeded in anything I did.
Maybe it was better this way. Maybe I deserved to be single.
"Hadley?"
I was startled out of my thoughts. Looking towards the source of the question, I found Toby's dark eyes peering down at me. I shivered. Toby was the only boy other than Axel who had looked at me as though I was more than just someone to screw with and throw away when they got bored. For a long time, I had listened to Holly go on about how perfect Toby was. And to be honest, I never really understood why.
Until that summer when we were fifteen when Holly had gotten sick, and Toby and I ended up spending time together. It had never been just us, without Holly and at first, it had been awkward. And then, not so much. By the time Holly was better and back with us, something had shifted in our group. I knew that Toby liked me, and I knew that Holly liked Toby.
It was wrong and stupid, and I knew that Holly would be mad at me. But I suddenly saw what Holly did, and how perfect Toby was. He actually cared about what I had to say and didn't think that I was silly to want to become a veterinarian the way my parents did. And then we kissed. It was everything I imagined kissing a boy you dreamt about would feel like and more.
But then Holly stopped talking to me and Toby thought that it was her fault and I almost wanted to tell him that she had had the hugest crush on him since forever. I knew that if Toby ever found out about my knowledge of Holly's crush, he'd never forgive me. After all, Holly had been his friend first. She was the one that spent holidays at his home and knew his cousins by name. I was just the random girl who befriended Holly in high school, back when no one really knew me.
