There's a song that you can find/In every moment of your life/In every tear you've ever cried/In every painful last goodbye/So when the system breaks you down/Just listen to the sound/What do I do when it's all been done/When the words have all been sung/And I've given up the best of me/Let the music play/When I'm hanging by a thread/And I've got nothing to give/Let the music play/Let the music play/There's no way to explain/Why life is filled with so much pain/But to the flowers that will grow/In the places it don't rain/So when the storms just beat you down/Well, listen to the sound/What do I do when it's all been done/When the words have all been sung/And I've given up the best of me/Let the music play/When I'm hanging by a thread/And I've got nothing to give/Let the music play/Let the music play/Let the music play/Horace sings a distant song/Forgotten words that I once sung/Telling me to just keep holding on/I've never been more alone than here/I turn and face my darkest fear/I just got to keep on keeping on/And when it all comes crashing down/Listen to the sound/What do I do when it's all been done/When the words have all been sung/And I've given up the best of me/Let the music play/When I'm hanging by a thread/And I've got nothing to give/Let the music play/Let the music play/Let the music play/Let the music play.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Dude, what's wrong?" Brian asked, bringing me out of my current state of zoning out.
"Huh? Nothing dude, just writing." I mumbled, scratching the back of my neck and looking up from the pad of paper that I was currently writing my feelings onto. It was covered with many scribbles, black outs, and drawn out spaces.
"You have been acting really really weird since we took a week break from recording, bro." Jimmy said, taking a swig from his beer. He stared intently my way as I tried to avoid his gaze.
"Yeah, what happened when you were home?" Matt added.
"Nothing dudes, don't worry about it." I replied, looking back down at my notebook.
I couldn't tell the guys what was really bugging me. They just wouldn't understand and would go on and on about how much of a big baby I was being and that it really wasn't a big deal. But it was. It was a huge fucking deal.
I was so fucking depressed. So upset. So out of it.
I wasn't Zacky Vengeance. I was being a dejected, miserable, unhappy piece of garbage.
"What's this?" Johnny asked, grabbing my notebook from my hand. He quickly skimmed through it and laughed, almost spitting the beer straight from his mouth. "Dude, seriously, what the fuck is this?" He laughed and handed it to Matt.
Brian and Jimmy went to look over Matt's shoulders and they all began to giggle like 12 year old school girls.
"'There's a song that you can find, In every moment of your life, In every tear you've ever cried, In every painful last goodbye. So when the system breaks you down, Just listen to the sound?' Seriously? Vengeance? Since when did we become a sissy pop group?" Matt ran his hands through his hair and threw the notebook back to me.
"Just knock it off, Matt." I complained not wanting to argue or even explain why I would write something that a lame boy band would write. I have to admit as I skimmed through it, I couldn't help but feel like an emo kid. But I couldn't help how I was feeling.
"Whatever dude." Matt shrugged it off as he, Johnny, and Jimmy all went back to their video game of shooting zombies and downing beer after beer.
"Zee." I heard, looking up to see Brian starring at me. His eyes held concern. "What the hell is going on dude. You look like someone pissed in your cereal and force fed it to you with a butchers knife."
"Nice description, Bri." I forced a smile. "But really, I swear, I'm okay. It's nothing to worry about. I'm just having one of those days."
"Oh really. Well at least you have Katrina at home. You can go home tonight and beat that pussy up." He smirked, pumping his eyebrows up and down. He always wanted to hear about our sex life.
My heart dropped and I felt like I was going to be sick. Just hearing the sound of her name knocked the wind out of me. I felt like my throat was beginning to close up and all I could do was slowly feel my sanity slip away. I had tried to hold onto that last piece for over a week. I had tried to block her name out of my head, and any feeling towards her I kept locked away. But Brian had just opened up that safe, and let all of those feelings drown me once again.
"Brian." I started, looking down at my hands. "She left me."
