NOTHING WAS THE SAME

Chaptet Eight; Nine Months, Flashbacks and Good Sex

To many its a blessing to few it's a curse, I've loved you since the beginning to loose you would hurt. But am I ready? Can I cope? What can I give you when I don't even have hope? This is a big thing not to be joked with I need to go away if I'm to do this.

Anonymous.

One year later:

Resting me head against the headboard tears fell down my face for the third time today. I welcomed the quiet of this area it helped me to think. I missed him , my Goddaughter and friends so much but it would all be worth it in the end, I hoped. I looked at one of the many photos on my bedside table and smiled remembering it like it was yesterday.

*flashback*

I walked excitedly along the hospital corridors armed with gifts. She was finally here, pushing the door open with my bum I entered the room.

"Congratulations" I squealed placing the gifts down. As I reached the cot my breath caught she was a beautiful baby and I didn't usually find new borns cute. She opened her big greyish brown eyes and looked up at me.

"Can I carry her?" I asked. They nodded as I carefully lifted her out of the cot, she stared at me as if she was taking a mental photograph of me. Looking at her was giving me a serious case of baby fever.

"What's her name?" I whispered

"Shai'Aynne Remi Aishwariya Quadri" Rhyanne said proudly. I'm sure my heart stopped, I turned to look at Samson who couldn't hold my gaze. Why? I thought. All of a sudden I didn't feel so good, slowly I put her back down in her cot and picked up my bag heading towards the door.

"I.. I have to go.. Congratulations again" I said quietly.

"Lershai wait" Rhyanne called put. I turned to her slightly waiting for her to speak.

"We want you to be Shai'Aynne's God Mother, we can't think of a better person" she said smiling at me. I wanted to say no but as I looked back over to the cot my heart melted once more, how could I say no to something so precious? I nodded my head and walked out.

*End of flashback*

I looked at the next picture and sighed, he didn't understand why I had to go but I promised to call him all the time. I thought about what made me come here in the first place. What was going to happen once he found out? Sometimes I hated myself for not doing enough to stop it but with the help of Drew's mother I was getting better. I no longer blamed myself but I wasn't sure if Drew would once he knew. I was starting to hyperventilate as I grabbed my phone and called his mum, she answered on the second ring

"Hello darling, how are you?" She asked

"I'm okay Aunty" I sniffed

"Lershai what's the matter has he found you?" She asked worriedly.

"No, no he hasn't but Drew's going to hate me once he finds out I'm pregnant and he'll hate me even more when he finds out that it might not be his" I wailed loudly.

"Lershai listen to me; I raised Andrew better than that. This isn't your fault understand that, what happened wasn't your fault and Drew will love you regardless, you just need to talk to him okay sweetheart" she said lovingly reminding me of my mother.

"I'm going to text him now, I'll speak to you later Aunty" I said. We said our goodbyes and hung up. As if by magic my phone began to vibrate, I looked down at it and panicked. Should I answer it or should I just ignore it? Finally I picked it up

"Hi...Hi Drew" I said quietly. He breathed in and out quickly

"Lershai I need you to tell me where you are, if you don't I'm just gonna go through my mum's stuff till I find you" he said seriously.