This is My Love

Eye Openings

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Namjoo hesitated to open the door.

This wasn't insecurity. Namjoo was sad. For Sehun. Disappointed in herself that she had been dismissing everything because she was infatuated with him.

Sehun's life mattered. His feelings were relevant.

And most of all, she wanted all of his heart if he wanted to be with her, but she knew it wasn't all there.

She wasn't stupid.

After Gunta called her mom, he hadn't said anything to her. A known fact that it had made them both uncomfortable.

Plundered by a sense of hurt because there was one thing special to him he didn't want to talk about with her. It would always stand between them.

Should she just go back? Let him rest. Go and pick Moowon up.

Her head shot up from the handle when the door opened and Sehun looked at her. He coughed once then asked, "Why aren't you coming in? You're making a sick person come to the door."

Namjoo stared into his face. Her heart raced because she was surprised.

"Uh...I..." she stammered for an excuse, but he grabbed her arm to pull her in.

"You made something?" he glanced at the container in her hands. "I'm hungry."

He was covered in a blanket but otherwise up and about. Still bothered by everything she'd heard she decided she would ponder over it later. Right now, she would feed Sehun and get him into bed.

"Where's Gunta?" Namjoo wondered placing the food on the table and unpacking it.

"My father came to get him," Sehun explained. "They miss him, so they're spending some time together."

"That's good. He should have his grandparents in his life," Namjoo commented. Opening the microwave, she reheated the cold chicken soup. Listen to the machine hum and feeling like she shouldn't be here.

Maybe what he needed most wasn't her. She couldn't help but think.

Her attention veered back when Sehun pressed his front to her back enveloping her into his snuggly blanket.

"I missed you." He said.

And it hurt a bit. Unresponsive, Namjoo stood there listening to the microwave churn as Sehun's heart beat against her back. She felt lost in a strange world of sadness and happiness. Where the gray line was so thick she didn't know where to turn. On the other side a fence of spikes grew so high she'd prick her skin and bleed if she climbed. On the opposite side the gorge was so deep that it would take all her will power to jump across.

Namjoo pulled the food out and sat with Sehun as he ate. Telling her it was his first meal of the day. She smiled at him like a mother proud of her child finally learning to hold his spoon correctly. Unsure if she should cry for him because he was alone. Sick and by himself. No one was here for him, because his wife had died. He was like an abandoned cub forced to fend for himself.

How lonely was he? Did the despair plunge its knife into his heart each night he was alone?

Her heart went out to him.

She hadn't thought about how deep his grief could be. Not wanting a thing to do with him or Gunta, but now they were together, and it was unavoidable. They were in her life. This was a burden she couldn't forgo.

Namjoo's fingers grazed his hair and tried a small smile. He looked at her questionably. She didn't want him to know what she was thinking. What kinds of things she was wondering.