The Phone Charm Valentine

A Growing Divide

It was rather late by the time I got home. I closed the door and slumped against it. Tired. Connor stepped out of the kitchen. "Welcome back," he said. "Budget meeting. Come on. I got some fruit you can eat." I nodded and trudged into the kitchen. I sat down with him at the table. He handed me an envelope filled with some cash. "For the valentines stuff," he sighed. "The boys are all looking forward to it." I clenched my jaw and nodded. "I'm taking the closing shift at the store tomorrow," I sighed. "So I can't stay out with them too long. I'll get them after school and then we'll go shopping and then I'll bring them home." Connor nodded. He sat with me for a couple hours and we talked about salaries and work expenses. Bills and all of that. My leg bounced and I clenched my jaw as I gathered up some courage. "I don't need to graduate," I stated looking to my brother. He froze. His eyes flicking up to me from the papers. "Yeah you do," he replied. I shifted. "Connor you didn't-"
"Doesn't matter what I did or didn't do," he interjected and pointed to me. "You're not dropping out."
"I could earn more money if I did," I argued. "I could get a bigger job or another one."
"Stop it Eli."
"We need as much money as we can get," I jabbed my finger into the table. "We can't afford-"
"We can," Connor forced. "I won't let you drop out."
"I'm almost 18," I said. "I can drop out then."
"Eli-"
"No Connor we need this," I said balling my hand into a fist. "We need anything we can get. We can barely put enough food on the table to feed the three of them let alone you me and dad. This is really important."
"So is your education," Connor pointed out. "If you want to get a good job, have a good future-"
"I don't have a future of my own," I stayed firmly. Connor looked to my face. "I'm going to stay here," I said. "Until Jeffy is able to take care of himself and even then dad isn't changing any time soon. So it's not that you and I have much choice in the matter. And we are trying to do anything we can to stretch every dollar and keep the three of them happy...we can't keep it up at this rate!"
"You're not dropping out and that's final."
"Why could you?!" I demanded standing up. "Why could you drop out but I can't? I don't care about graduating! My grades aren't that good, I don't like the people, I don't have any aspirations!"
"Be quiet," Connor hissed. My brother was getting angry. "You're going to wake the others," he said. I hit the table and he stood. "Don't you see it?" I asked. "We need to do this. I need to drop out. For the family."
"You just don't want to go to school," he rolled his eyes. Dana flashed before my eyes. I clenched my fists. "That's not it," I urged. "Not even close. We need the money. You can't earn it all on your own. I need to get another job. I have to drop out!"
"Quiet!"
"No!" I yelled. "No I'm not going to be quiet right now! We are going to end up on the streets!"
"I won't let it get that far!"
"There's only so much you can do!" I snapped. "We need this! Think about it!"
"You need to stop this discussion is over!"
"Connor!"
"I said shut up!" Connor yelled and quickly moved forward. A loud clap rang through the air and my head jerked to the right. My knees buckled and I tumbled back into the wall. My cheek stung. I painted heavily and looked at my brother. Anger raging in my stomach. I didn't say a word as I left the house. Walking past my concerned younger brothers who were hiding behind the stairs. Shaking. Crying. I slammed the door shut and stuck my hands in my pockets as I walked. I was breathing unevenly. Choking a bit. Anger boiling in my stomach. My muscles shaking. I felt physically ill. I yelled and punched a nearby tree. My knuckles cracked and I broke skin. Curses flew from my mouth as I pulled back and punched it again. My knuckles tore even more from the bark and I saw my blood on the tree. Pain shot through my hand and tingles up my arm. Hot tears spilled from my eyes. I couldn't breathe. I sat down on the ground in a huff. I was down the street from my house. Shaking as I pulled at my hair. My hand started aching horribly. I sobbed out loud for a moment. Wishing mom were still around. We wouldn't be like this if she was...we would be safe. Secure. I miss her. I pulled out my phone and opened messages. I wrote one to Dana telling her she didn't need to waste her time and money on me. But thank you for the thought. I lied and said I was ok. And I didn't need help. But in reality, I'm drowning. My hand was starting to swell. My fingers covered in blood. A tingling sensation ran over my skin. I shook my hand and stood up. Breathing deeply. I stayed out of the house until well past midnight. Then snuck back in. Connor was asleep my the doorway. I stepped over him and climbed up the stairs. The door to the youngest boys room was open and there was a light on. I peeked and saw my three younger brothers curled up and crying together. James kept saying "he's ok he's coming back" over and over again. I frowned and pushed the door open. They all looked at me. Relief flooded them and they cried harder rushing to hug me tightly. James was shaking pretty badly. I had a feeling Grayson had gotten sick. And Jeffy looked as if he was about to scream. "I'm sorry I was yelling," I whispered hugging them. "I'm sorry I worried you. I'm ok I promise."
"Your face," Jeffy sniffed. "You've got a hand print." I sighed and shrugged. "I'll be alright," I said touching his head with my good hand. "Get to bed alright. James you can stay in here. I'll come in when I get changed. And we can get to sleep ok?" They all nodded and hugged me tightly. Muttering "I love you" and "please don't fight with Connor" and "we're sorry if we hurt you". When they got in their beds they practically crashed right away. I told James I would pick them up after school for sweets shopping and he smiled before falling asleep in jeffy's bed. I walked to the bathroom and gently cleaned my hand. Wrapping it in a bandage hurt quite a bit but I powered through it. I looked up and saw there was a big red mark on my cheek. Painful to the touch I found out. My right hand was aching the most. My dominant hand. Crap. Writing for school...whatever. I cleaned myself up and got changed in my room. My pants having blood on them. My phone buzzed a few times and I opened it.
The box will be on your desk in the morning. I'm not doing this to pity you or make you feel bad. I'm not wasting my time. I want to do this.
Another message from her was in my inbox.
Is it ok if I start sitting next to you at lunch? We don't have to talk. Just study.
My heart thumped harder. I sat down on graysons bed. He turned and hugged me tightly. "Are you hurting?" He asked. "Did you talk to Connor?"
"No," I sighed. "It's ok. Get to sleep kiddo." He nodded and curled up in a ball. I looked at the messages. I wasn't going to be able to get over her easily.