Letters from Elijah Saavedra

Scribbled Letters: Hold Me

Who would have thought I'd see her again? Who would have thought she would fall for me? She fell for Elijah Saavedra? The rebel, the devil, the black sheep, and the most irresponsible person you would ever meet.

"Katherine..." bulong ko habang yakap siya. Nakasandal ako sa puno rito sa gubat, habang nakasandal siya sa akin at nakayakap ako sa kaniya.

"Yes?"

"Katherine..." muli kong sabi dahilan para lingunin na niya ako. Nagtagpo ang mga mata namin at ngumiti siya.

"Yes, Elijah?" Napangiti ako nang marinig ko ang pangalan ko galing sa kaniya. For the first time, I loved my name being called.

"Why me?" tanong ko na nagpatahimik sa kaniya. Wala ba siyang ideya kung ano ang tingin sa akin ng mga tao, ng mga magulang niya, at ng sarili kong Ama? Kinamumuhian nila ako. But Katherine, she's different. She saw all of me yet she chose to stay.

Bumuntong-hininga siya at hinalikan ako sa labi. Akmang hihiwalay na siya nang hawakan ko ang beywang niya at pinalalim ko ang halik na 'yon. Her soft lips, I couldn't get use to it.

"Why you, you asked?" Muli siyang yumakap sa akin pagkatapos ay tinitigan ako. Siya lang ang gumagawa nito sa akin, siya lang ang may kayang titigan ako nang hindi ako kinamumuhian. "It's a good question. Bakit nga ba ikaw? Why not the ones with a good reputation, the ones with a perfect life, a good manners, and a guy who would smile all day, why choose you? You with the dangerous aura, you who would glare at people, you who that everyone hates, you who hates laughing..."

"... Perhaps, I can be myself when I'm around you. I can let my guard down to you, and I can take my mask of perfection every time that I'm with you, and you who can't smile, made me smile. Ikaw na hindi marunong tumawa, e pinatawa ako. Ikaw na hindi marunong magmahal, minahal ako nang buong-buo. And why you, you ask? Kasi mahal kita. Mahal na mahal kita, Elijah."

It was too hard to sink in my mind. What she said. What she made me feel, and what she saw in me. Bakit? Bakit sa 'yo lang ako nagmahal nang sobra-sobra? Sa taong alam kong wawasakin ako?

I gave you all of me. I gave you everything I have. Wala nang natira sa sarili ko, Katherine.

You told me you love me. Pero bakit nang dumating 'yong araw na kailangan mong pumili, hindi man lang sumagi sa isip mo na piliin ako?

"Kaya mo talaga akong isuko, Katherine?" I didn't know why I ask that. I expected you to say no. That you can't. Akala ko, ako 'yong makakasakit sa 'yo, pero bakit ikaw 'yong dumurog sa akin?

"Oo, kaya kitang isuko. Kung 'yon lang ang tanging paraan, gagawin ko." Then, you walked away. Leaving me hanging. Ano'ng nagawa ko? Ano'ng mali sa akin? Bakit paulit-ulit na lang akong sinasaktan?

To the one who broke me,

Every words you said, was it all just a lie? Why is it so easy for you to let go of everything that we built? Am I just nothing to you?

Is this what love really feels like? If it is, then I don't want to feel it anymore. You asked me to stop loving you, aren't you selfish for asking for impossible? You told me our love is forbidden and a sin. Am I just a mistake to you just like what my father thought of me? Just like what everyone thought about me? You're just like them.

Everyone thought I was just a disappointment, huh? Including you. I know you'd be angry to me. I killed the people you love. I became a monster again. I turned to be the person you wouldn't look at.

I tried to be the person you wanted me to be. I tried so hard for me to be acceptable by your parents, or even by my Father. But you all never noticed me.

You stared at me that day as if you hated me so much. Katherine, am I just a villain in your story now? Funny, to think that you were the book to me. But I was just a chapter to you.

I love you so much, and it's killing me.

Yours Truly,
Elijah