The Heartbreak Messenger

Chapter 1

I didn't choose to be the Heartbreak Messenger. Not really. I was just trying to make a few honest bucks and help a guy out. I definitely didn't choose the name. I don't know who did. It just started floating around and eventually stuck. Me? I would have gone for something more professional and less ... girly.

Speaking of girls, I should probably tell you something about myself right off the bat--and it's embarrassing, so you can pretty much count on it being true. I'm not exactly what you would call a "ladies' man." Anyone who knows me can tell you I don't talk to girls if I can help it. I mean, besides my friend Millie and the occasional cashier at the grocery store. I'm only saying this so you'll believe me when I tell you that I didn't get involved in all of this as a way to meet girls. And, for the record, I don't enjoy making people cry, either.

But, believe it or not, there are guys out there that have even more trouble with girls than I do. The crazy part is that some of those guys have girlfriends.

And that's where I come in.

It all started with Jack Anderson's older brother, who was the senior in high school. We were sitting in Jack's kitchen one afternoon eating ice cream. That was the great thing about Jack's house - both of his parents worked, in their freezer was always stocked with ice cream. As long as the rest of the house was in one piece when they came home, his parents didn't really care if half a carton of rocky road was missing.

Jack's brother, Jarvis, came in and pulled out the mint fudge brownie. He had on his red delivery uniform, but he didn't seem to be in a hurry to get to work. He sat down and dug in with a serving spoon.

Jack looked up for making patterns in his ice cream with his fork prongs. " dude, Jarvis, use a bowl."

Jack had been my friend since the second grade when he'd dared me to kiss a particular girl on the playground. I didn't have the guts, so I started a fight with him instead. He finished it by throwing sand in my face. Sitting in the principal's office afterward, me blind and him busted, had bonded us for life in a prisoner-of-war kind of way. I guess you could say he was my best friend. One of two.

Jarvis scowled at his brother. "Don't bug me. I'm thinking."

"First time for everything," Jack said.

Jarvis didn't respond. He just sat there, staring at the spotted green ice cream on his spoon.

"Man... you really are thinking," Jack said.

I was kind of amazed, too.

Jarvis dropped his spoon back into the carton without taking a bite. He pushed the ice cream away. "I've got problems."

I licked the dripping ice cream from my spoon. "What kind of problems?"

Jack answered for him. "Girl problems. With Jarvis, it's always girl problems."

"But I thought you already have a girlfriend," I said.

"Sure, man. But that's when the real problems start." Jarvis looked at me with troubled eyes.

Jack had already lost interest and was digging the marshmallows out of his ice cream. But I was curious. "Like what?"

"Like, on Monday when I picked her up for school. I wore my cross-trainers, but she made me go back home and change into my dress shoes. She said they went better with my shirt."

"Oh."

"Or Tuesday, I was going to hang out with the guys, but she needed me to come decorate some preschool for their fall party. She wanted me to stay for the party, too! I barely escaped. Told her I wasn't feeling well."

Now I was losing interest.

"Or today in English, when she saw me passing notes back and forth with Carmen Sandiego. It didn't mean anything, but Melissa spends the rest of the day giving me the silent treatment."

"Uh-huh."

"Man, I just don't feel free anymore. I can't do what I want to do. I'm trapped. I think... I think I need to break up with her."

Jack suddenly surfaced from his bowl of ice cream. "Break up with Melissa? But I thought you liked her."

Jarvis reached across the table and swatted Jack on the side of the head. "You're so dense. Haven't you been listening? I'm miserable. I want my freedom."

"So. Break. Up. With. Her," I said between spoonfuls.

"Yeah," Jack said. "Girls usually dump him." He ducked just in time to miss another swat from Jarvis's hand.

"Why don't you just send her an email?" I suggested. "Or a text."

"Not a chance," Jarvis said. "Quincy Fox sent this sappy text to break up with his girl last year, and you know what happened? She forwarded it to everyone on her contact list, and then posted it on her blog. You can Google Quincy's name right now and his breakup text pops up right to the top."

"Don't be a wuss," Jack said. "Just talk to her."

Jarvis glared at him. "If it's so easy, then you do it." He paused for a moment, and I saw the wheels in his head start moving again. "Hey, that's it. Why don't you break up with her for me?"

Jack almost snorted an almond. "What? You're crazy. Besides, mom and dad grounded me from my phone after I downloaded all those stupid games, remember?"

"No, no, I mean talk with her in person. I'm serious. Go and let her know that it just isn't working out between us. That I think we should go our separate ways."

"Hell no," Jack said. "That's so totally not going to happen."

"Please?" begged Jarvis. "I'll give you twenty bucks if you do it."

My ears perked up. Twenty dollars just for delivering a message?

Jack shook his head. "Not gonna happen."

I cleared my throat. "I'll do it."

I was kind of surprised to hear myself say that. This was probably a family thing, and I shouldn't have butted in. But I'm not one to turn down easy money. Like one year in elementary school we had a fundraiser where we had to get people to buy things from a Christmas catalog - picture frames and little angel statues and smelly decorations. The kid that sold the most would win fifty bucks. Most of the kids went door-to-door, hitting up the parents of the other kids that were selling. I figured out a better strategy. My mom knew a lady in charge of an old folks home that let me bring my catalog there. Yeah, in one afternoon I easily claimed that $50 and made a whole building full of grandmas happy at the same time.

Jarvis looked at me with a hopeful half smile. "You serious?"

"Sure, if you want me to." I shrugged. "For the twenty, of course. In advance."

Jarvis grabbed the ice cream carton and dug in. "Noah, you're a lifesaver."