Aamayah | Onhold

Prologue

Aamayah

Today is my twenty first birthday.    

I sat in front of the mirror, trying to take a look back at my miserable life. I wondered where it all went wrong, and then it hit me. It was nine years ago. On this very day. That's when everything in my life took a back-flip.

I was only twelve years old. Still learning my way around life.

I was excited about being twelve because that meant I would be left with one more year before I would be thirteen. I'd finally be a teenager.

Back then, i wanted nothing more than being a teen. And simply just growing up.

I wanted to be able to watch my favourite soapies rated 13 PG without my mom constantly reminding me to keep my eyes closed whenever a kissing scene approached. I wanted to date freely because I knew I'd have it that way. Aaliyah -- my older sister -- started dating when she was thirteen.

I still remember how I hated my sister's boyfriend then. I hated how he turned my sister into a monster. At only thirteen, my sister already wanted to move out of our family home and 'travel the world' with her boyfriend --- Thomas. I might have only been eight, but I've always been cautious, and it wasn't hard for me to connect the dots by listening to conversations over the walls.

But, above all else, i wanted my body to develop like Aaliyah's. I wanted plump boobs and a round butt that shakes up every time I walked. I wanted that body that makes boys stop and stare when  I walk by. I wanted to apply makeup and look pretty. Maybe I just wanted to look like Aaliyah, be like Aaliyah, and if possible, be Aaliyah.

I laughed as I recalled how much I envied her. I looked up to her and probably considered her my 'role model'. Psht, funny how things can change in just a blink of an eye.

He left us. My dad left us, and we've never heard from him since. He never called, never wrote to us, never reached out. And all I have is the letter he gave to me earlier on the day he left.

"Read this letter tomorrow when you wake up." He said, sliding it in my hands and walking away before I could ask him anything. I can still remember the hurt in his eyes. He didn't want to leave, but for some reason, i blamed myself. And I still do.

My twenty one year old self stared at the mirror, allowing tears to flow freely down her cheeks for the first time in a long time, taking a look at the way her life ended that very day.
I placed my dad's letter on my lap, unable to open the pink envelope. I never had the courage to open the envelope. Especially not after my mom blamed me.

You'd think in nine years, a person would just open a darn letter, read it and get it done with. But no. Not me.

I held my breath, brushing the already faint words.

"To you, my darling Aamayah.
On your twelfth birthday
Read It On Your Own.
Love, daddy. ♡"

I sighed as I read, trying to keep my sobbing silent.

Unable to keep myself from crying, i put my letter back to my secret hiding place, wiped my tears, fixed myself and for the first time today, walked out of my bedroom.

"He-he-heey, birthday girl!" Aaliyah jumped as soon as she saw me, "happy birthday my love. I love you."

"Thank you Aaliyah." I tried smiling, quickly walking passed her to avoid holding a conversation about 'happy' birthdays. It's been nine years since I've had a happy one.

And y'all say your lives are miserable? Some of us have it harder than you do.

I didn't want to seem ungrateful because I know for Aaliyah, jumping up and down pretending she's happy to see me must have been a sport. She's so lazy, i wonder what type of a mom she's going to be. But I really wasn't in the mood for "so what are we doing tonight?"

I walked into the kitchen, where my mom was facing the window, her back towards me. "Hey mom! Aren't you gonna wish your favourite daughter a happy birthday?!" I tried joking.

"What's so happy about it?" Her voice was slow and cold. You could hear the hurt deep in it, "huh, Aamayah?"

"I just thought tha-"

"Your father left us." She cried, "this marks the nineth year since he left us and you want me to chant 'happy birthday'?" She forced laughter, "how pathetic! Even for you."

I folded my arms across my chest, "what's that even supposed to mean? 'It's pathetic even for me'? What is it, what's that?"

"You're giving me the third degree and the attitude all at once now, 'mom'?" She was still facing the window but I could feel her rolling her eyes, especially as she said the last word.

Aaliyah put her hand on my shoulder and when I looked over to her, she shot me an alarming look, shaking her head.

I ignored the way she looked at me. "You really think you're the only one who's affected by this mom?"

"I'm not the only one who's affected!" Just then, she turned to face me. I noticed her bloodshot eyes and the mascara that had run down her face. But oh, what's that? Surprise, surprise, she had a bottle of cheap whiskey in her hand. It was already half empty. I wondered how many bottles she's had since the day started.

"Aaliyah and I might have been affected, but why aren't you?! Why aren't you affected, Aamayah? I mean, look at us, we're zombies! We're alive but we're dead inside. But you... you walk around like nothing's wrong!" She took a mouthful, allowing more tears out. "You're just perfect! Your life is... is... you're unaffected Aamayah! And you and your stupid birthday are a constant reminder that your father was tired of us!"

"Why do you make it sound like it's my fault?!" I felt my eyes welling up.

"Because it is!"

"How is any of this my fault?!"

"Why else would he decide to leave on your birthday if it wasn't because of you?!"

"Mom, please no." Aaliyah tried intervening, "don't start."

"What Aaliyah?!" She laughed, "don't pretend you don't agree with me."

Not allowing my self to get emotional or cry, I just sighed, rolling my eyes.

"She helps us a lot, ma." Aaliyah tried convincing her to stop, "please don't do this. Not today."

"I never asked her to help me. I'd do just fine without her!"

I had heard enough. "You know what?" I walked over to her and snatched her whiskey. "I won't stand here and listen to all the crap you've got to say! You're full of bullshit and I won't take it on my birthday. I'm gonna go have fun." I said walking towards the door.

"Hey, where are you going?" She whined like a dog who just lost it's bone. Only because I had taken what was probably her last bottle. The last she could afford.

Taking a long gulp of her whiskey, i wiped my lips with my sleeves before smiling, "out."

I had a feeling I was about to have one blast of a night.

***

hope you guys enjoyed this chapter.
Vote . Comment . And add to your reading lists and libraries . ♡