aesthetic
aesthetic,
the word tears me from
reality,
pictures of sunsets,
hearts,
polaroid pictures in glittering gold,
striped crop tops
and high wasted jeans,
hoodies and sweatshirts, rainbows and tie dye,
tear filled eyes,
japanese characters,
poetry and songs,
chocolate browns,
mustard yellows,
old bicycles,
and vintage filters,
warmth,
happy,
never me.
i don't get it.
why don't i have my aesthetic? i'm trying styles.
making phases happen.
i don't feel good.
i don't feel right.
vomit comes in rainbow,
shades of pastels in my eyes,
headache,
headache,
pounding in my brain,
a surge rushes through me.
no not vintage.
no not pastel.
not grunge or emo.
those are never 'good'
uncomfortable and sick,
ripping hair out,
hating me.
it's a phase,
it's a phase,
get out.
stop it.
Stop it.
Stop It.
STOP IT.
why can't i stop it?!?
spinning,
why am i spinning?
am i dying.?
i'm floating,
feels like death
looks like death
isn't that what i'm supposed
to feel?
aesthetic
aesthetic
can't i find my aesthetic?
