Wish Upon a Paper Star

Damien: On This Side of Hell

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Damien: On This Side of Hell

 The first thing that made me realize this was a dream was the lack of people out on the streets. The warehouse was behind me, blocking the harsh afternoon sun from burning into my back.

I already know that the windows were smashed or boarded up, the walls were decorated with vandalism - the door swinging back and forth on its hinges, creaking in the wind.

Usually this street was littered with little kids, running about on their BMX bikes and skateboards, but it was deserted.

In real life, I was probably in bed, tossing and turning.

I've already had this nightmare before, before Elaine. They always occurred in the same place, but they disappeared when I met Elaine.

It was only for a short period of time but it was a nice break from all this scary shit. Elaine at the beach, in the sun, at school, in my room...But when we both went our ways the dreams faded away and they took a turn into pain.

I think I was in love with her, but it might've been some psychological shit about wanting consolidation after losing someone close.

Yes. She was just a distraction from the pain. A pretty distraction.

"Hey Damien."

I turn around, knowing the nightmare have only just started.

Khaki pants, a stained singlet that stuck to his upper torso, Jake looked exactly like he always did after a workout at the gym. His golden-brown hair, the results from his bleaching attempts at home, was messy and with the sun behind him, it created a line of light around him. He stood just off to the side of the building.

"Jake..." I start to walk to him and the scene changes.

My heartbeat increases as the sun sets and the moon lights up the sky. The moon shadows the interior through the window, leaving things a dark, omnious blue. Jake stands in front of a door, hand hovering over the handle.

"I'm not chicken shit, here, I'll show you." He says.

I jump at him, knowing what lies behind the door, the shadow of a man illuminated across the floor.

"Wait! Jake, you don't have to go! I was only joking!"

I try to pull him back away from the door but Jake was determined, fearless as ever. He shoves my arm away and strides confidently to the door.

"There's no one here besides us."

Agony runs through my veins as he turns the door handle. And as he pulls it open, I see him.

And now everything seemed to be in slow motion. His hand slips into his jacked and pulls out a knife - a machete to be exact.

My lips part to warn Jake, but it is too late. I am always too late.

And as the lights outside turn red and blue, sirens ringing and echoing in the room with a man in blood and an unrecognizable body scattered across the floor, all I could do was watch things unravel all over again.

And again.

Then I woke up.

Sweat runs down my forehead and neck, turning my bed into a mass of uncomfortableness. Flipping the blanket back, I hop out of bed and head to the bathroom. When I return after a quick shower, I glance at the clock and notice the day hasn't even begun yet - it was only about a quarter past one.

Mum was still in bed, so was Jeremy, as I walked to the kitchen and nearly tripped over D.J, the family pit bull. When the nightmares came, I always stole some of Mum's whiskey, just to help me fall back asleep, even with the consequence of a hangover in the morning.

I would do anything for a dreamless night's rest.

I poured myself four shots and downed them one after the other. The liquid burned, forcing out coughs which I got rid of by thumping my fist against my chest.

As I rinsed and washed the cups, I stared out into the hallway and saw Jeremy asleep through his open door. His red hair contrasted against his freckled face, illuminated by his mushroom night light, washing the room in a cerulean blue.

No one in this house could fall asleep without help.

Mum couldn't even live day to day without her whiskey and cheap Vodka. She was drunk 24/7. That left me to raise up Jeremy.

I would take him to school, to the park, to his friend's house, made sure his school fees were paid for and provided him with breakfast, lunch and dinner.

It didn't use to be like this though.

When Jake was still here, we used to drive around the neighbourhood, with me and Jeremy fist pumping to old rock bands. It didn't matter where we went - sometimes we even got lost. When Mum said she had "business" on any evening, me and my brothers would hop into the ute and disappear.

The "business stuff" wasn't new either. It started when Dad left with his old high school flame on the Summer of my ninth birthday.

Dad leaves, Mum goes into drink-till-you-drop routine and changes career where "activities in bed become business?"

Yeah, totally normal.

Okay, so the "sleeping business" only started when Dad came back for my fourteenth Christmas, bringing super cool presents and his new wife - who wasn't the chick he left Mum for.

I hate his guts, but whatever. He felt guilty so I take what he gives.

We tried to take Mum to Alcohol's Anonymous but she got kicked out for "inappropriate behaviour." They said she was in the "wrong" Anonymous group.

The alcohol started to make the room spin so I dragged my butt back into bed and welcomed the dreamless sleep.

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