The Middle

It's Only In Your Head

It would come as no surprise to most people that Logan Huntzberger had heard those words before, however it may be shocking to learn that this was the first time that those words were true. Logan could count the number of parental responsibilities his father had on one hand, the primary one being to constantly remind him of his potential and how he was squandering it. It was only narrowly first, however, because followed closely behind was teaching Logan about safe sex. Logan to this day remembers how vividly Mitchum would talk about how a woman could entrap you for life if you ever made the mistake of getting her pregnant. “People will try and take advantage of you your whole life Logan” Mitchum often told him. The advice was succinct and direct- never leave the protection up to someone else, don’t trust her if she says she is on the pill, buy your own damn condoms. As Mitchum would say, you never know when some attention seeking whore is just after your money or 15 minutes of fame. Thinking back Logan often wonders how he had meaningful relationships with anyone. Emotionally stunted man, party of one.

“I’ll be there” is what he had told her “I’ll be there, I don’t know how or when but I will be there.” It wasn't enough, he thought now. She sounded so scared. He should have said something more or been more reassuring. It didn't matter though, she called him and for him that was enough. He picked up his phone and started making plans, he was going to fix this, he was going to fix everything. He just had to burn everything to the ground first.

Her timing could of been better. She knew that, but after Logan's non-reaction she needed some sort of response and her mother was always good for that. Except Lorelai was just staring at her, mouth agape, her quick wit and snappy comebacks frozen somewhere between her furrowed eyebrows. Rory thought about making a joke- something about a Wookie or at least she wasn’t 16 but she thought better of it. The jokes would come later, when the shock and anger had subsided and the disappointment and tension lingered. Truth be told, she wanted the scathing look her mother was giving her, she wanted Lorelai to yell and scream. All of it. She deserved it.

Rory felt her chest heave and a whimper escape from her lips, but her mother didn’t respond her entire body still except the involuntary blinking of her wide eyes. Neither one said anything, and it wasn’t until Luke came looking for Lorelai that either one of them moved from their spot on the gazebo steps. From there the day went on, like nothing had happened but everything was different.

Their house had been taken over by wedding guests and friends. Sookie showed up with snacks, Babette with more champagne, and Miss Patty with well intentioned but somewhat misguided advice on how to keep a husband. Emily came and mostly sat back and enjoyed the spectacle, trying not to let on to her amusement. Rory played the role of maid of honor, she made polite chit chat with everyone, filled drinks not too full, ushered people in and out at the appropriate times, helped her mother put on her dress and dutifully adorned herself in the floor length burgundy dress she had been instructed to wear.

She was examining herself in the mirror when Lorelai entered the room and passed her a familiar necklace from a now distant Valentine’s day turning as she did to have Rory place it around her neck. Rory clasped the necklace and ran her fingers over it’s delicate pattern, and after a moment of quiet reflection, kneeled down to pull a box out of from underneath her bed, carefully extracting the matching velvet jewelry box. She held out her wrist to have her mother affix the bracelet.

“Now we match” she said to her mother with a forced smile.

“Rory, about earlier” Lorelai began.

Rory waved her hand and shook her head “today is about you, we can talk later.”

“Are you sure, because this thing” she said gesturing at her wedding dress “isn’t going to start without me.”

“We have time and right now we need to get you married.”

“Again” Lorelai responded with a devious smile.

“What do you mean again?” Emily asked appearing suddenly outside of Rory’s bedroom door.

They looked at each other and both Lorelai and Rory dissolved into much needed giggles.

“Honestly, you would think the two of you were teenagers” Emily scolded mildly before smiling and adding “you both look beautiful.”

“Thanks mom” Lorelai said beaming.

The wedding was perfect, from Sookie’s sobbing toast, Hep Alien playing ‘I Will Always Love You’ for their first dance, to the hotdog cart that was pulled out when the night got dark and the guests were still dancing. Rory mostly soaked it in. She tried to let the worries escape from her mind as she focused on the world around her. She danced with Steve and Kwan, took pictures of the flash mob, and ate two pieces of cake. She let the sight of her mother swinging Luke around the dance floor fill her heart so completely she felt it swell up into her throat. Rory was pulled so deep into the magic of Lorelai’s mad hatter tea party like wedding she didn’t even see him pull up.

Logan watched her, her smile and laugh dissolved any momentary doubt he may have had in coming here. Her eyes sparkling radiant soaking in all the sights around her. He pulled a $20 bill out of his pocket and tapped the shoulder of a boy he was certain was one of Lane’s twins and asked him to request a song. He saw him run off and convey the message in his father’s ear. Zack looked confused but turned to the band and started strumming the soft and melodic chords that Logan had been so anxious to hear. He took a deep breath and walked towards her with purpose, hoping that this trip to Stars Hollow would end differently than the one in October, the way it was supposed to happen. He froze about two feet away from her. He waited for a reaction, a sign that it was okay to proceed. He outstretched his hand and paused waiting for her to return the gesture for what felt like an eternity. It was poetic almost, that he was waiting for her. He had been waiting for her a long time, longer than he cared to admit.

A feather could have knocked her over, she was so certain she had fallen asleep and was dreaming that she forgot how to respond. She finally reached out for his hand and in one sweeping motion he pulled her close to him and lead her onto the dance floor and into his arms. They swayed gently, their eyes never leaving each other. She examined his face, the small creases on the corners of his eyes, the stubble on his chin, his eyes that once upon a time she could look at and know every expression, now more mysterious to her.

She wore a concerned expression on her face, and though he looked for signs of approval, joy, excitement he found none. Logan could tell when Colin was bluffing at poker, he could push his father’s buttons with a sarcastic comment and a flash of a smile, he knew Honor was pregnant before she did but with Rory it was always harder. He had known her better once, or he thought he did but looking at the crinkle on her forehead, he didn’t feel so certain.

“You came” Rory said softly breaking the silence.

He took her face gently in his hands “I will always come for you Rory” he said with a heavy exhale. He pulled her closer letting his chin rest gently on the top of her head.

Rory inhaled the smell of his cologne and wrapped her arms tighter around him trying to physically hold him in place as they continued to move to the music.

“Where do we go from here?” Rory asked quietly into his shirt collar.

“I don’t know” he answered honestly “but right now I’m here.”

“Two drifters” she said quietly.

He smiled. “Two drifters” he repeated, more hopeful than he had been in years.