now this is where the tone changes and i want you to understand me, i dont mean just my hobbies or how im feeling today i mean the real me, the non medicated me...
i want you to know that i love you and the reason why im writing this is so you understand my anxiety, my worries, why i need you and most of all why i love you so much.
now where do i start...
lets go with 7 year old me, my family was growing apart, i was being used and abused emotionally and mentally. being told one thing only to be let down the next. this led down a long spiral of the 7 year old who hated her self, who blamed, who hurt her self. at the age of 7 i developed a mild eating disorder, i refuse to eat anything, i hated the way i looked and i hated who i was. the pressure of my family and trying to make them happy got to me and in the end became imperfect, i became broken, beaten and alone, alone in my head with nothing but thoughts roaming around.
a 7 year old should never go through what i went through, the arguments and the weight of my family feuds broke my back, so much that i couldnt hold my own strength up. i had no strength in me, no fight left in me, so i gave in. i gave in to the saddness, the pain, the struggle of a 7 year old which i thought was normal at the time.
this led down the long road of self harm, isolation, hiding my food and professional help which was useless, i was useless.
