Touch My Soul

Part one: Awakening

Before I begin to try and explain to you that I'm not crazy.. let me tell you about myself.
I'm an average person. Middle class.. I work pay check to pay check. Unfortunately. I graduated high school with decent grades. I believe it was the end of senior year that things started to change for me. I started acting different.. I stopped caring ab school so much.. and I slept through most classes. Or just played on my phone. I had people I talked to but didn't really call them my friends.. I had people I sat with at lunch only bc I had the class with them before. I take that back I had one friend named ___ out side of school.. we went swimming once at her house. Besides that we just smoked together. But I guess a friendship takes 2 to tango. And I never really tried. Or rather not as much as I should. I also have a problem getting my words out.. :( so unfortunately I get super choked up and think too fast for my mouth. But I have had the same boyfriend since 8th grade off and on.. of course I talked to other people.. (I'll spare you of my horrific sex life lmao) but never made them my boyfriend.. but it was with him I started smoking.. and doing other drugs.. which I will get into in a bit. But it was never forced.. or persuaded.. it's always been my choice.. I choose to smoke weed.. I choose to experiment with other drugs.. I wouldn't say I've never done hard drugs.. I've smoked meth I've done hella coke.. but I don't do those on a regular.. I've done those at a concert or by wrong place and time but also my decision.. it's a different feeling.. I don't recommend doing it. Ever. But I'm telling my story and this is it.. no story is pretty.. let me rephrase. No REAL story is pretty.
My family is quite the picking.. thanks god. But I love them. My mom is quite a character.. she has Parkinson's and SCA3 or some shit like that.. idk but she's like 38 and can't walk and she shakes and her poor dear brain is basically eating away at itself.. but when she was healthy she was such a ray of sunshine. She was beautiful. So full of life. And hope. And love. She had My older sister first but she had turners disease (her skin wasn't developed she was see through) and died 2 hours after birth.. I have an older brother. Who I deeply hold a grudge to. Which causes some of my soul loss. sadness. It was 2016 and I was 15. My own brother took advantage of me. And I froze I didn't know what to do. I couldn't move. My mom had me and him and my first sister with my father. My father is a sick sick man. He hits on everyone. He would always text me asking if my slutty friends were coming over. He told my sister the age of consent is 16.. she's ab to turn 16.. sick. He once used my foot to massage his area while I slept on the couch opposite of him. He covered our legs first.. then grabbed my leg and moved it there. Also sick.
I also was hit by a car when I was two (ik random but I think you should know everything)
But my mom and dad divorced when I was 2 also but I believe it was after the car accident. But she remarried to my step dad. This man was great in the military. Takes us to California where I meet my bestfriend. I still contact her today. But this was 2007-2012 he then got out of the military. I never really knew why I was told he was over weight.. but I was also 12 so the could've softened it for me ya know.. idk. But I moved to Texas. Where we lived in a small town and I was bullied. But I didn't realize. I was different I've always been alittle different. But I would wear my hair how ever I wanted. And I wore what ever I wanted. I still do. Lol. But my step dad became a cop in this little town.. and it was 7th grade and I was in math class.. and they called me down to the office and my mom was sitting in the chairs bawling her eyes out. She told me my step dad is in jail. And isn't gonna be out for a long time. I didn't even get my things out of my locker. I should have. But I didn't.. I cried a lot.. before I knew what really happened.. they took me into and investigation room to ask me questions but it wasn't like what you see in movies it was pleasant had comfy chairs and the lady sat beside me. And the was a white wall with a camera in the middle of it. This is like 2013 I think. But she asked if I had noticed anything weird ab him. And instantly all the weird/awkward memories of him came through my mind. The time when he came into the bathroom while I was bathing when I was like 10. And another time not too long before he got arrested, at our first house in this small town. I didn't say anything tho bc I didn't know what they were talking about. But he was taking pictures of me and trading them online for other pictures of little girls he blames it on one of his friends he met in the military he "got him into it" but my mom told me he was a real sex freak. So idk I remember I found some really inappropriate sex cards in a drawer in the kitchen they are like burned in my memory. But it clicked when my mom told me. But my mom took us out of school. And we spent all our money that night at Walmart. On candy and we all sat in the living room floor eating candy all night. Oh my mom and this dude had my sister and brother well my mom actually cheated on him while he was stationed over seas. Which I grew up thinking my step dad was my sisters dad. my sister has never met her dad. But she knows his name. But lord knows who her father really is my moms a liar. Ya know.. but my step dad is in prison for a long time.. but we ended up having to come back to Kentucky and I moved in with my dad. And my mom was homeless with my sister and brother and her new boyfriend.. who is and ex con. And she cut her hair really short. And then her disease started to show. A lot.