written: 14-01-2019, 2:03am
god, i miss you. it's hardly been two days but i find myself constantly checking our messages, to see if you've replied, or even just read my messages. i'll check instagram and snapchat to see if you've posted anything or been online, i don't bother with messenger or facebook because i know that you hardly go on those apps.
i want to message you about so many random, small things. like tom holland and how i'm excited that this year is huge for him and that he has a lot of movies coming out soon. or whether you've watched those two tv shows i binge watched on netflix. sometimes i just want to send you those stupid videos on instagram to you, and just spam you with them. i miss receiving a bunch of the same photo of shawn mendes or harry styles in a row. i miss talking to you and hearing about how much you love yes theory.
space is what i'm trying to give you, because shonny seems to think that's what you're clearly asking for, and i think she's right, but i will probably always have slight doubts and 'what ifs'. all i really want to do is call you and take stupid facetime photos of you to eventually print off and put on my wall.
i'm sorry, i didn't realise i'd upset you so harshly. i tried apologising and explaining myself and i don't know what else to do. i just want to talk, apologise more and then move past this all. surely you wouldn't throw our friendship away over this, would you?
i could just be overthinking this all.
or perhaps not. it is the 'what ifs' that truly get to me. i'm trying though, to not let them.
anyway, i hope you're okay.
love, courtney.
