The truth about my past

Me

From the ages of 6 till 12 my female cousin who was older used to force me to commit sexual acts that did not include pens traction I will not go into details but yeah. Started drinking occasionally at 13 as no one in my family knows about this.

14 I was given the nickname Vamps due to me enjoyment of biting people until they bled.

15 lost my virginity to my best friends gf at the time and then she got with me and cheated multiple times. On her 15 birthday we found her dad dead he was hanging from her bedroom doorway and I checked his pulse and phoned for the appropriate people to come got her out the house to a neighbour across the road and made sure she had somewhere to stay that night. He was like a second father to me and told me he had loved me like a son the week before he died I was also the last person to see him alive. I will explain that a different time. We used to smoke weed and drink together every time I stayed over I miss him dearly. After that I used to wake up at 6:30 am and begin drinking all the way through till 2am when I went sleep this happened until I was 19 where I woke up shaking cause I had no booze in my system. From 15 I was single until I left school in 2006 and have been cheated on by every girl I've ever dated 2009 I took the first attempt on my life as I had been self harming from 13 I took a overdose of 10 sleeping tablets and 16 anti depressants with alcohol because of a girl leaving me and telling me I was to fat and if I lost weight she would take me back I stopped eating and if I was made to I would make myself throw up and was exercising from when I got up till an hour before I went bed. When I turned 20 my grandma had died the only one who had ever accepted me for who I was I also got engaged to someone who last year aborted my baby against my wishes and then left me for someone else that happened in October 2013.

I have tried to kill myself many times now but have failed people say I have been through hell and come out the other side to them I say no I am going through hell and I refuse to let the torture inside beat me or stop for I have taken over hell

I got the nickname devil at 15 due to my inability to care about anything and the fact I would fight against out numbered odds because I just didn't care people said I was empty and dark when them looked in my eyes like the devil :)

Addition in between 15 to 24 which is now I have been in violent and mentally abusive relationships where I was beaten daily cause they knew I wouldn't hit back and told I will never be loved and that I was nothing and never will be and that I am just a fat ugly mess that isn't good enough for anyone hence my opinion on myself

Hope you feel like you know me better if you have took the time to read drop a comment please.