tinted days | soongyu one shots

: here

somehow, everything leads me, here,

i opened my eyes to see the aftermath of what could only be described as beautiful. curious, i tucked a lock of your hair spun to dark silver. see the skin stretch and creation form, mouth parted, your breathing is calming against the dawn.

in the slow inhale and out, i felt myself inhale your scent of almond milk and coffee. i remember what it is to hold my breath in fear of losing oxygen. now, i see life underwater. mysterious, wonderful, cunning. something i would love to explore with hands, eyes, heart. it was only dawn, but i can see beyond this dawn. many dawns to come.

i knew that regrets were the last things i would ever dive into. because from here, it looks like i'll never leave here - wherever we called 'ours'.

...

and somehow, i leave this place without knowing it.

i remember waking up to making the bed half-empty, opening the walls to close them right back. i took away every scent, every memory, every blink of time i thought i wasted. the thought of you breathing without me was a miracle i wanted to cling to.

because somehow, i cannot breathe in myself. ribcage contracts, leaving no space for life, for air, for you. i wanted to, but the anxiety and fear drank all of the space i could mold for you. until i knew it would hurt if you forced into me.

i saw you cry. i did too. your hazel eyes covered in crimson, i didn't hesitate to hug you the time i did. i was about to leave. it was time to know where i was supposed to be.

...

but now, i wonder why i left.

after years of endless wandering, collecting love that wasn't you was a display of bruises. i didn't know you loved someone new so i tried my best to find you again. i looked through the closet and find your jacket, still smells like you. feels like you. i made it a reason to see you again; adrenaline rushed as i waited outside on the park bench. i didn't know how it would turn out to be - but i was willing to swim again to find out. until you came, holding the hand of the other.

my cheeks burned at how you molded perfectly while i was still holding a piece of you i tried to fit with my own.

i guess i was stubborn enough, too ignorant for my own good. stubborn to think you would let me swim again after the earthquake swirls the sand into confusion. ignorant to still try even if i knew what i did and what the new love can do. so i did try.

...

i guess i never know when i should,

i talked to you again. i forgot why i left, tried to leave, or wanted to. i figured that maybe i could go back to where we were. but, you never seem to forget your new love. the gleam in your hazel eyes when you speak its name made my chest tighten; when you put your arm around them, my breath hitches at the sight. somehow, our ocean was too vast to call it ours, finding new caves, looking for more sea floor to cover.

i wasn't part of the adventure. i was - that's the hardest part to think of. the way your fingers moved to exploration, eyes wandered through map of my skin. now, it's someone else.

it's nobody's fault but mine.

...

but now i do.

my tiger eyes blink in release of feeling. your almond eyes still shimmer in the sunset. we were sitting on the park bench - i said it would be the last time. you nodded, somehow knowing that we didn't need to make room for more words to gather and tower.

it's the aftermath again- but only this time, i didn't see the aftershocks, i didn't see the ruins. i only saw you - and your love with cat eyes. i saw you being happier now than i thought you would be without the sea of us. you came out of the water, so to speak; breathing new air, wiser and fuller.

now, i feel no remorse. what i've done pained me - but seeing him happy, silver hair now spun to golden brown, hands softer than i remembered them to be, eyes with specks of gold that i know brought out a new color to him. i feel calmness i haven't known on my own - seems to be alright.

...

"you ok, soonyoung?"

"seems like so. it's getting late, wonwoo would be waiting for you, hmm?"

"mhmm. well... is this goodbye?"

"maybe, maybe not. let's leave it at 'see you soon', mingyu."