tinted days | soongyu one shots

: early rise

the sun was peaking- early morning greeted me, warmth seeping through the blinds of the dark room. i felt his arm under my back, hear the patterned rise and fall of his chest. i tilted my head to his direction and saw him wide awake under the covers: cotton white shirt to his porcelain skin, hair touched with hazel brown- halved across the middle, eyes close to shutting but still wide open. i wondered why he was awake; why we were still awake at that hour.

i faced upwards once more, seeing the scattered stars plastered on the ceiling, fading with the presence of light. i adjusted the thin sheet spread over them, trying to lessen the heated feeling. he flinched, but never broke his gaze on the glow-in-the-dark galaxy. i inched closer to his ear, facing him, i whispered, "are you ok?"

"maybe." he said, his anxious hand reached out for mine. our hands met, intertwining fingers. his palm felt so fragile, smooth to the touch, shaking ever so slightly. i caressed it, hoping to calm him down.

"want to tell me? i'm just here, baby."
it took a while before he shifted to face me, having a doubtful look on his face. i stroked his hair as he closed his eyes and began to whisper,

"i love you, do you know that?"

i tapped his chin, moving it for him to face me.

"of course, baby. i love you, too. why do you ask?"

he shifted his eyes away from mine and i started to get a bit anxious; did i make him feel this way? i felt a tinge of fear, not knowing what he was going to say next.

"i f-feel like i f-float, all the t-time," he said, now looking deeply into my eyes with vulnerability. "- i'd h-hate to find out that... y-you're just a part o-of that world of m-mine." his voice trembled, lips quivered in doubt and confusion.

i moved my hand to caress his cheek, wiping every tear of sadness away- i understood, i knew he had this condition, these winding thoughts. i felt his true fear as he held my hand, letting it rest on his cheek as he closed his eyes again, letting the tears fall and his breath pace quickly.

"soonyoung," i started. he looked at me weakly, eyes and cheeks tinted red. "- i am really here. i am here for you- i am willing to listen and just... be here. you will never be alone struggling. i will never leave; i love you so much to do that. let's rest, baby. you need it."

he squeezed my hand as he nodded, finding his fluttering eyes come to a close. i gestured him to lie on my chest and he did- he wrapped his arm around the back of my waist as he let his other arm nestle on my stomach. i held my breath, trying not to startle him as i put my arms around his tired body, feeling the warmth from my burning cheeks.

i sighed, slowly closing my eyes. relief washed over me that morning- we finally slept.