Flux

1. New Beginnings

I turned the radio up louder as Air Hostess by Busted comes on. This was amazing. I can't believe I'm driving up to start university. Finally! The windows are down and the wind is rushing through my thick, chestnut hair. Elbow sitting neatly on the right, wheel in hand. The sun was caressing my face deepening the colour of my freckles dotted round my nose.

A smile spreads across my face as I remember the Bon Voyage party my mum had for me last night. My throat still slightly numb from all the singing and crying. 

My school friends, Ella and Leigh, were crying most of the night too because Leigh was going to Aberdeen University and Ella was going to work at Blair Drummond Safari Park for a year. And me? I was going to Paisley to start my course in Biology. My first love.

The three of us being separated was not a happy thought, but we will stay in touch through Facebook and plenty of FaceTime. Its always good to see familiar faces when I'm feeling down.

And most of the time recently, I have been feeling lethargic. Mainly due to moving away from my hometown, Maybole. Or it could the unopened boxes of Prozac in my bag that I've been ignoring for the past few weeks.

Its not that I don't want to take them, I do. They do help me feel less depressed or upset. Its just, well... they make me feel numb. Too numb.

Its like I can't be productive when I'm on them. I stopped taking them when I had prelims or exams, as it kept my head clear. It helped me to focus so much better.

Its not that I am actually depressed, they keep something deep within me dormant. A power that I can't control when I get emotional. Travelling through time.

Yep, you heard right. Time travel.

My mum said the first time I did it was when I was 14 weeks old. I just disappeared, crib and all. I was crying uncontrollably and she was standing over me trying to sing my favourite lullaby and then, poof! Gone.

She had no idea what was happening, it must have been so frightening for her.

Ten minutes later I reappeared with an old blanket and a tatty teddy that looked really old. I was still crying so she lifted me up and held me tight. After I did disappear, she called the police.

But what could she say to them? My baby and her whole crib disappeared? She would have been thought crazy and banged up for kidnap or murder. When the police arrived and seen I was fine, my mum said she must have dreamed it and blamed the lack of sleep.

She had struggled the first few months with me after I was born, she even moved in with my aunt for a while. She told me my dad died in Afghanistan when she was five months pregnant. He was just promoted to Major General that previous Christmas. My mum still hasn't told me how he died, it must hurt too much for her to talk about it.

The next time I travelled was when I was 3 years old. I had taken a bad fall down the path in the garden. My mum was hanging up the washing when she heard my scream and watch me disappear again.

She waited by those stairs for 6 hours before I came back to her. This time I had a whole new outfit on from what she put on me that morning. My eyes were puffy and red from crying.

She embraced me so tight and promised to never let go. She looked at my outfit again, and took off the strange hat. She thought she might recognise the type so she brought me into the house and checked google.

 It looked like the clothes were from pre-war, maybe early 1930's. I had a long brown coat that was scratchy and dirty. The dress underneath was an off-white frilly number. She checked if there were any tags on them and couldn't find any.

After this she was determined to find out where I was going when I vanished. She dropped me off at my grans for the weekend explaining she was meeting friends up in Glasgow.

In fact, she drove down to the War Museum in Manchester to find out about the clothes I had brought back with me.

She was told they were pre-war garments, very authentic. They asked where she got such good specimens and she just laughed and told them they were passed down the family. She didn't know what to make of this.

Was her baby teleporting somewhere else? Was she being magically abducted little by little? Or was she travelling to another time? It all just didn't make any sense.

Growing up was quite difficult in the 90's in a single parent household. My mum would work double shifts at the hospital just so I could go to ballet class and singing lessons.

She always wanted to give me the world and I love her so much for it. She used to be a singer before she became a nurse, but it just wasn't paying the bills. My grandmother would help out sometimes where she could.

During my time at primary school, I accidentally disappeared during play time in front of the other kids. They had all ran to the headteacher saying I ran away. Mrs Heggarty came barging out to see where I had ran off too. But she was met with me playing hopscotch instead.

The other kids didn't like that and stared me down. Mrs Heggarty told them that tall tales can get them into serious bother.

She called my mum to let her know what happened. When she picked me up that day she knew exactly what happened and bombarded me with questions about where I went.

I told her I was at school but it looked a little different. The children were all wearing funny clothes and kept looking at me funny. I got quite scared  of the others as they got near me and that is when I jumped back to my school, my present as it were.

What I didn't tell my mum was that I was being picked on by bullys. And that is what triggered me to disappear. I didn't want her to worry about me. She is very overprotective and doesn't like it when I get upset or overwhelmed.

I look down at the Sat Nav. Only another half hour before I get to the university halls. I am so excited to start this part of my life. Finally get away from that small town life and start living the way I want to live. Free as a bird.