Cracked, Not Broken

He Is No More

You once danced with me in my driveway

A fast paced jitterbug that somehow or another stopped being about having fun

It became an emotion filled embrace that made my head spin wildly

And soon your arms were clasped tightly against me

Holding me against you, I had never felt safety until then

And when I heard you whisper those three beautiful words

I had said them to you a hundred times in a friendly fashion

I realized they now held a stronger meaning

I didn't respond, too overwhelmed by the beauty of it all

Perhaps you think I didn't hear you, but I did

Oh god, I did

And I wish so fucking badly I didn't believe your whispered secret

I wish I didn't lay awake that night after all but dancing to my room

And I wish I didn't put any thought into all the memories you swore we would create

I wish it wasn't so easy to believe you when you told me I mattered to you

That cold night was the last time I heard from you

Although I tried to reach out, I suddenly wasn't a priority to you

So I did what I could to keep my hands busy

So that I didn't spend my time pulling on my hair

While stuck in the thought that your hands once replaced my own

Later that week I was sitting at her side when you called her

Your voice held a hopeful kind of optimism

And God, I wished so badly you wanted to hear from me as well

You begged to see her, was eager to come over and let your soul bleed for her

Until she said my name

Then you were suddenly in a rush to run far from here

When did you become allergic to me? Was all that I did for you not enough?

Perhaps you just need to have someone around, I was simply a pawn

And now you've shattered the friendship she craved with you

And have left me crying in the dark

Why did you crack open such a beautiful friendship between us all?

The adventures we had all shared warmed my soul

I want to go home, I want to lie in my bed and not feel

But we have laid there together many times

And I dont want to remember the way your hands felt in my hair

Nor do I want to fantasize about your warm chest and how your heartbeat soothed me in ways that nothing else could

I want to forget you and the way your smile brightened even the cloudiest of days

I wish that you had cared enough to let me say goodbye