My Book of Poetry ChC

My Mind and Heart

I am not
I am neither
I am unstable
I am the manifestation
Of none of the above

I walk the tightrope
Around normalities
Somehow never falling in

If you wanted to juxtaposition
The average mental condition
Of all these ignorant humans
There's no need for an inquisition
Just address your petition
To who by which this is written

I am not you or you
or any of you
And unlike all of you
there's none of you
That I'd ever want to be

I just want to be me
So for just a sec
To stop shoving your ways
Down my throat

Because every single time
That I stop your assault
I need another wall
That doesn't just keep out your evil
But also hides away the light
Leaving nothing gained
Other than the exponential increase
Of the darkness around my heart

By this point
I have no light
Of my own
But somehow
I still get darker

As the light evacuates my heart
You see
My mind feeds on the dark
You hear
Making my thoughts scarier
Than any nightmare conceivable
No matter how real it seems
You will never believe how this feels
Because every other human being
You've seen
That’s been through this sort of pain
Has it written in blood and tears
All over either their
Skin, rist or face

Why would you believe me
If I have no evidence of pain
No markings on my arm
Or bruises on my face
I don't use pills to dissolve my tears
Or drown away my sorrows with beers
I have two loving parents
Probably a genius IQ
They try to be polite
Because lying is all they do
But what they’re really saying
Is shut up kid your life is great

Why don't you take a fieldtrip
For just a second through this mind of mine
If I were you I’d choose death instead
Than you would at least know what to expect

My mind is the breeding ground
For suicide and depression
Well everyone else writes happy ever afters
Every single time my pen hits the page
Each and every scene
is of the saddest ever written
Happiness and Creativity are parallel lines
Never ever meeting in the darkness of my mind

I am not like you
Always full of themselves
Or like you lying to your own face
That everything is okay
Just accept your mistakes
Identify their assault
You can never become happy
Unless you accept that you aren't

And you over there
Crying on the inside
And sometimes on the outside
But you often try to hide it away
I'm a crutch not a wheelchair
Yeah I'll catch you if you fall
But it's up to you to use your own legs
Get up and try to walk

I know the world sucks
But don't let it take away your heart
You can't stop yourself
From being tainted
But you can keep remaining uncorrupt

I'm honestly telling
Many things will infect you
But it's up to you
To allow them to consume you

You see
what you got to get
Through your dense skull
Is that you don't get to decide
What's goes on
In my mind
Or in this blood pumping organ
Most people call a heart

- T̶I̶N̶ T̶h̶e̶I̶n̶n̶o̶c̶e̶n̶t̶N̶e̶r̶d̶ D̶o̶m̶  Some guy with issues