navigated by polaris

polaris; 002

↬✯ gizelle's

"no, you don't get it, zelle. mahal ko siya but i needed to do it. babalikan ko naman siya agad as soon as i fix my issues."

"you needed to what, chad? break her? i don't get your point." frustrated kong ani at rinolyo ang aking mga mata. "at anong babalikan mo agad after you fix your issues? after you broke up with her without letting her know why, are you still expecting her to welcome you back with her arms wide open? don't be an asshole, chandriel. kung mahal mo talaga, bakit mo iniwan?"

umiling siya. "i told you, i would break her even more if we'd stay in a relationship while i fix myself. i'll be too toxic for her. it's hard to love someone when you can't even love yourself."

"okay, i get that. now, my point is you told her to wait for you when you did not give her any reason too. heck, you did not even tell her why you broke up with her. no woman deserves to doubt her worth, chandriel." i sighed.

hindi na siya sumagot. i feel bad for the both of them. it's sad they have to end up this way. ugh, right love in the wrong time. but i do believe that just like any other stories, their love story will have a book 2. i know there will be.

"mag-e-11:30 na. kain muna tayo sa chowking?" aya niya. using his lips, he pointed the said fastfood chain. my eyes automatically sparkled with joy and excitement. damn, he really knows the huge amount of love i have for chowking.

"libre mo?"

with his both hands tucked in his jean's pockets, he devishly grinned and stuck out his tongue.

"asa ka. gago ako 'diba? edi papanindigan ko na." pangaasar niya at naunang maglakad. gago nga.

bahagyang kumunot ang noo ko at mahinang natawa. agad kong binilisan ang lakad ko at sumabit sa kaniyang mga braso.

"alam ko namang kahit gago ka, hindi mo ako matitiis. yieee," tinaas baba ko ang aking kilay at sinundot ang kaniyang nakakalunod sa lalim na kaniyang dimples.

he laughed and made face. "akala mo lang 'yon."

"kapag ililibre mo ako, tutulungan kita sa gawain mo sa research niyo."

"nah, can do it alone."

"engot ka pala eh. sinama sama mo ako dito para magpakulay ng buhok mo tapos hindi mo manlang ako ililibre?" kinurot ko siya sa kaniyang tagiliran. agad siyang napaaray at humalakhak.

chad needed to dye his hair back to black because he was called out by their dean for dyeing his hair into blue. dyeing their hair is strictly unallowed and their school is stringent when it comes to school rules and this asshole here beside me is one of a despicable guy kaya ayon. aside from dyeing his hair back to his original color, kailangan niya lang naman magcommunity service for a week.

he wrapped his right arm around me. "ganito nalang, be my prom date. you know how annoying the girls in my school are."

agad na nangasim ang mukha ko. ugh, make-ups, heavy gowns, high heels, slow dances-- annoying. prom is a no for me. "have fres, sash or tagsibol nalang. prom's are irksome and a waste of time."

"we're on the same boat, zelle. kaso diba, required ito sa p.e namin."

"fail your pe nalang." i joked and i earned a glower from him. i giggled.

"anyways, fres is already taken by black, spring by frost and sash is too much to handle. besides, she already has a boyfriend. ayokong mapaaway."

i crossed my arms. "ayan kasi, nibreak mo pa si ate liecel. magdusa ka diyan maghanap ng date mo."

he pouted. "sige na kasi! ayaw mo nun? ang gwapo at kisig ng partner mo." nagpogi sign pa ang kupal.

i rolled my eyes and acted like sniffing him. "ang bango mo." bago pa man siya makapagbuhat ng bangko, inunahan ko na siya. "amoy sinungaling." i grinned.

napamura ako nang mahina nang pinitik niya ang noo ko. "ang tagal na nating magkaibigan pero in denial ka pa rin sa kagwapuhang taglay ko."

i shot him a disgusted look. "ang tagal na nga nating magkakaibigan, gwapong gwapo ka pa rin sa sarili mo. cancer mo."

malakas siyang tumawa at ginulo ang buhok ko. 

while waiting for our order to arrive, i fished out my phone from my small backpack. i checked my facebook account. notifs about people reacting and commenting to the profile picture i uploaded last night filled my notification bar.

bumungad sa newsfeed ko ang picture nina bazer at josher. it was a simple picture of them gazing at each others eyes with the caption, "gender means nothing when someone means everything." they looked so happy and that made me happy. i reacted heart on it and continued scrolling.

it has been five months na rin pala since i held my broken heart. i still haven't moved on fully but i'm doing fine. besides, i believe that your love for someone never fades. it's just that you get to find someone na kayang higitan iyon.

going back, after everything that happened, josher, bazer and i still remained in good terms. hindi katulad ng dati but we're civil. yes, i was deeply hurt, my heart was broken but i can't blame bazer for falling out of love. you can't dictate your heart who and who not to beat for. pero i admit, i used to hate him for not telling me earlier. nainis ako kasi hinintay niyang mahulog muna ako nang bongga bago ko malaman na hindi na pala ako ang laman ng puso niya. i have no problems with him falling for a guy, for my ex even, since i am not someone homosexual pero i just hated the fact that he told me his i love you's when by that time, it was already meant for someone. like dude, damn those sweet nothings.

but as time goes by, i learned to accept na din. if he's not the one then he's not that one. maybe God has prepared a better man for me and i'll hold onto that.

on the contrary, our friends sasha, spring, fres, black, frost and of course, chad, is still kind of having hard time digesting it. when they knew about it, they got extremely furious at bazer. hell, nakatanggap pa nga ng suntok galing kay chad at sampal galing kay spring si bazer. they weren't mad at him for being gay but they were mad for toying with my feelings, for not telling me immediately that it wasn't me anymore.

nagkaroon ng lumot sa pagkakaibigan nila at ni bazer pero sana mawala iyon balang araw. somehow, i missed the old us. iyong kaming walo pa. iyong panahong ang pingaawayan lang namin ay kung saan gagala, sino ang umutot, sino ang kurakot sa pagkain.

i just missed those times when there will still 8 of us.

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handsome chad park serving looks on the mm!  ♡